You Don't Want What I Have

Trust Me.

I knew it was a nasty bugger when my daughter was sick with it. I was even worried that she might end up in the hospital with it because she has other health problems. The anti-biotics they prescribed her really helped knock the teeth out of the thing. After a day or so of them she was able to go back to school. She ended up missing 2 days of school, if last Monday hadn't of been a holiday, she would have missed 3 days total with this thing. She came down with it Sunday night, and didn't end up going to school until Thursday.

Today is my second day of work I will have missed because of this nasty bugger. There is just no way I could go and do my job like this, besides, other people don't want to be infected with my junk either. I stayed home. I need anti-biotics to whip this thing. So, either I wait until Monday and go to the doctor, or I find some sort of clinic thing like urgent care, which I'm not sure if our insurance will cover.

Vhat to do, vhat to do? My daughter got sick twice while my husband was transitioning into his new job, there was a 4 month wait for the insurance to kick in--that's 2 visits not covered by insurance, to include lab work. Last week I had to take her to the E.R. to get stitches because she busted open her eyebrow when she and the dog knocked their hard skulls together. I had no idea a dog's head was that hard. It was as if she had banged her head on a rock. We had insurance, but I don't know how much it will cover of an e.r. visit for stitches. It was a Sunday night, what was I going to do, let the thing heal funky? It was worth it to keep her from getting a really nasty scar on her face, even if the insurance doesn't pay for it. The Dr. took one look at the booboo and assured me that my daughter would thank me for bringing her in later.

Something we've never had was our health insurance require a $500/deductible, so I'm honestly not sure how that works, but I'm pretty sure that we are going to pay for that entire e.r. visit on our own, and it's going to count towards the deductible. I think. Not sure on that, I'm just waiting for the bills to start arriving. Who knows. If not then I'm sure that I'll be paying for the doctor visit for the chest cold, and the lab work they ordered this week.

Now it's Saturday, and I really need to find a doctor today, or something. I'm scheduled to work tommorrow and Monday, I already called in yesterday and today. Luckily my employer understands that we aren't in a profession that makes working sick an option. It's not like I can go in and just sniffle away at my desk full of papers, I don't work with papers. Papers don't care if I'm sick, people do however prefer not to be infected with the nasty upper respiratory infections of other people.

There the answer has come to me, self says, "just bite the bullet and pay whatever you have to pay for the doctor, who cares whether insurance covers it or not, cross that bridge when you get to it, for crying out loud, you REALLY ARE a worry wart."

All right, there it is. I know what I must do now.

Is It Fall Where You Are?

It's Just Around The Corner.

Picture Maybe?

Early Morning Activities

Well Well Well.

Lame title I know. I don't really care all that much though, you win some and lose some etc. I sit next to my pile of old tissues, I don't care either. Wow, I'm not really as cranky as I sound this morning. It's just I was up most of the night, tossing and turning, stuffing kleenex up my nose and I did not sleep well at all.

The first thing I did this morning after my kiddo left for school was get in the car and head to Walgreens, where I bought, Tylenol Multisymptom for daytime, and for night time, a big bag of Halls cough drops since my throat is starting to hurt, some Vicks vaporub, some vaseline for my very sore nostrals, another box of kleenex, and 2 bags of Reese's Inside Out Peanut Butter Cups, gawd I love them, they only sell them around Halloween time anyway. Now I'm ready for the day.

This isn't really meant to be about my cold, but about how my husband and I invited his mother and her significant other to live with us for a few months. They had moved to California last year and decided to come back out here, so her house will not be available for a few months, so we said they could hang with us for a few months. So they did. I've never actually spent this much time with my mother in law, but so far it's going all right.

She had my daughter and I laughing this morning though. I woke from my sleep to find my mother in law in the hall swatting at something on the wall with her house shoe. "what are you hitting at?" I asked.

"This jumping spider, but it keeps jumping away and I can't get it."

My daughter overhearing the situation crawls out of bed to investigate, "Grandma, that's a fly!"

"Oh my goodness, I thought it was a jumping spider, no wonder I couldn't get it!"

Daughter laughs hysterically, we all start in. Grandma turns off the hall light and goes back to bed. Grandma didn't have her glasses on.

I'm going back to bed now. I know, this post was not so great. It was all over the place, and really just sort of a bunch of nothing.

Would You Kindly Remove Your Sock From My Right Nostral Please

Or, I'm Sick.

Which makes me quite whiny. I'm terrible really. I can't think straight, don't want to do anything, and have been walking around in my pajamas, and cuddling a box of Kleenex like a 4 year old with a satin blanky since early evening when I realized that I was truly not feeling well at all. It might be a cliche to say my nose is running like a faucet, but it is, and I've been doubling up on tissue with each painful blow, it's necessary, I need the extra reinforcement there. At one point I sat pathetically at the kitchen table with a kleenex stuffed up my nose, just hanging there, and I did not care if anyone saw it either. The thing I hate about it the most is it's completely stuffed up, but running at the same time, so I can't even sniffle at all, it's just catch the stuff when it runs out, there's no sucking it back in. Oh come on, you know you do it too.

I tried to study for my test coming up on Tuesday, but I couldn't. Somehow my brain is in a fog as well. At this point the only thing even remotely appealing to me is reading my favorite blogs. It's effortless, entertaining and takes my mind off the fact that the top half of my head is pounding.

All in all it's been a sick week around here, I'm not surprised that I've finally been taken down to level after the nasty bug my daughter has been fighting all week. Fever, sinuses, cough, in her case bronchitis which called for a healthy dose of anti-biotics. I demanded that she return to school today since her fever finally broke last night. As much as I love her, I do actually kind of look forward to the time when she is at school.

Here's the list of people I'm reading, while I shamelessly stuff tissues up my nose and discard them in a pile ON the desk:

Mr. Kim du Toit

The dear Francis Porretto

One of my very favorites The Passing Parade

One who gives a great tongue lashing: The Baby Troll Blogger

Always something interesting to be found at Tinkerty Tonk, plus I like the ring of it

The girl is smart, Serenity's Journal

She says she's done, but I hope she's not, Frankensoul

The Crazy One, who makes me laugh, she's got a cutting wit, that Samantha Burns

Even If It Kills Me

I'm Going to Post Something.

It's pitiful, I haven't had the time nor inkling to get on here and post much of anything, and that is probably why this is one of the most decidedly boring and unpopular sites out there. Yes, I do sometimes go through the blogrolls of complete strangers clicking on random but interesting sounding links to other sites, and am often surprised what sort of complete crap is linked to out there. Whatever. It's called denial, and yes, I must be unable to admit to myself that I really truly suck at this. Again, whatever.

Given the loss of one of the big daddy's of the blogosphere with his sudden passing, I got to thinking, if I were to die tomorrow, whatever I've put on this site may or may not be a testament to others the kind of person I am. At least in some small part. The question I most ask myself is, what would my kid think of me by reading this site? My daughter is only 11 years old, there is a lot of growing that happens between 11 and adulthood. My best friend's mother died when she was 9, she has faint memories of what her mother was really like.

What sort of things would my daughter learn about me by reading this site? The reason I don't write all that often about her is because I don't feel it is my place to. Suffice it to say, she's a very unique child in many ways, and of course I adore her completely and totally with all of my heart. She might gather nothing from reading this site, I don't know, but what she may or may not someday think about all this is definitely a guide for me to follow.

Just a thought.

This Just In

People Are Spazzing Out All Over.

Oh gosh. I hear them on the O'Reilly factor spazzing out about sex offenders working at McDonalds. I mean come on. I hate sex offenders just as much as the next person okay? But seriously, I'm not worried about sex offenders working at McDonalds. I don't care. People need jobs, even sex offenders. Seriously, they can't even get my frickin order right, I don't plan on leaving my child there to be supervised by McDonalds workers that would be neglect on my part. What's the big frappin deal here? What's next? Is McDonalds going to start hiring drunk drivers? We're doomed.

I'm A Stew-dent, I'm A Stew-dent

Oh Boy.

I'm taking a cla-ass, I'm taking a cla-ass. I'm going to schoo-llll, I'm going to schoo-llll. I'm X-sigh-ted, I'm X-sigh-ted.

I hope I do all right. It's just one class to see how I like it, if I do, I may pursue more classes in that field. If not, well, I'll do something else by golly, I'm just not going to waste these brains of mine anymore. It finally dawned on me, hey, I'm not beautiful, I'm not skinny, I'm not particularly interesting, but I've always been pretty smart, I think I'll try getting by on my brain for once rather than my good looks which haven't taken me far. Heh.

Bare It, We'll Share It

Kiss My...

Fricken Bold Stuck. P.M.S. Don't Mess with me. Deal with it. I'm having a bad freakin' week. Oh, there it stopped, good gosh.

Yeah uh, I was reading a rant about boomers at Kim du Toit's place, and I couldn't help but agree wholeheartedly. I've always sort of felt that viagra and the like were nothing more than a curse on old women. Many old women I've known have pretty much said after a certain age sex is just something they do to keep hubby from getting cranky. Hubby's hate to hear stuff like that, but honestly, those old broads have got no use for it at all. It's hormones men, it only makes sense. Now now, hush, I'm sure there are some oldies who still want to do it, okay? I readily acknowledge the existence of horny old chicks, all right, I'm sure they are out there somewhere.

Of course I wouldn't know, I'm not at that point in my life yet, and I'm really only speaking of a very small sampling of older post-menopausal women. Seems to me that it only makes sense that God would make us that way. It's always seemed pretty simple to me, he gave men the drive, and women the brakes. Otherwise we would spend so much time reproducing, and very little time doing anything else. I don't know that's just my simple way of thinking about things.

Excuse me if this is too much information, but I don't suppose at 80 getting it on will be all that important to me. By then hubby and I, if we are still alive, and still together may want to, but I'm not all that worried about if we don't, or can't either. Heck, I'll be surprised if we get around to more than hollering "just wait til my social security check get's here, I'm leaving," at each other at various times throughout the day.

I really can't talk about this anymore, I'm getting grossed out. Anyway, yes, I'm sick of the dumb ads for e.d. as well. Oh, and they took $900.00 out of my husband's last paycheck for taxes. We are officially paying enough to support a whole 'nother family now. Actually, two families really given my tax burdens as well. That's for a 2 week pay period. $900 to these mother fuckers.

Retirement? Umm, we don't have one. I guess we'll be too busy working until the day we fucking die to worry about if hubby can still get it up or not.

Welcome To Our Town

You DO Feel Welcome Don't You?

Yes, Yes, Yes, I remember the times my mother would take us back to visit relatives, and in our yearly drive across Kansas we had two responsibilities, 1. Watch for cops 2. Look out for cops. That's when mom demonstrated what a deviant she really is. She got that 1976 Olds 98 up to a nice cruising speed of 90 m.p.h. and we watched for the fuzz. Mom taught us how to speed, and how not to get caught.

The first rule is, when speeding, always, always, slow down to the speed limit when passing through little podunk towns. Cops love to hang out at the entrance to town and give out of towners tickets. This isn't news to anyone is it? Second, always do the speed limit by and around rest areas. Duh! Thirdly, if the trucks are all slowing down to speed limit, then by golly follow their lead. They do have communication devices on board. Now these are just some general guidelines to follow. I don't speed at all so I don't really need to use these rules, and I most certainly don't condone speeding. My mom was just always a rebel that's all, times have changed, and they don't make cars like they used to either.

Now, you'll never believe what the officials in our great city have done here, and to be honest I think it is just down right tacky, pushy, and threatening as well. You know those signs they have now that can give messages like, "I-5 closed ahead" and so on? Well, the one we have here flashes, "Under Arrest!" "Over the Limit!" I mean really. I almost crapped my pants when I came speeding into town today and saw a sign that said, "Under Arrest, Over the limit!"
At first I didn't know what to make of it. I thought it was saying that I was over the speed limit, and that I was going to be arrested, which in fact I was not, but I suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to slow down just in case.

Then I realized what it was, it was just nothing more then the everyday harrassment we endure from the local government. My God, now they have freakin' message boards harrassing us stupid criminals. Somebody is getting too darn big for the britches if you ask me. This is just too much. This is way worse than the little podunk town cops getting a few speeders, this is blatant harrassment. Under Arrest my ass. Kiss it.

How about a "Welcome to Our Town!" "Hope you enjoy your stay." Spend some money. See the sights. Stay a while, then leave please. Don't move here, especially if you are a meat hating granola eating cud chewer with too much money on your hands.

Soulmates

Bonding At The Video Store.

We share a special bond. I guess we've been together so long that our biological processes are almost perfectly timed now. Apparently that is. After a lovely dinner at a local Italian restaurant as we drove home we decided we would stop and rent just one movie, and that way we could enjoy some time together alone on the couch watching it.

We entered the store and started walking the wall looking for something of interest. I wandered along faster than he did and soon I found myself all alone on the north east corner of the store, just as well I thought because after eating such a rich dinner there seemed to be a humongous gas bubble banging around inside me waiting to be let out. It was really hurting. I looked around, no one was in sight, I let a bit go, it didn't stink I thought, so I decided to just let the wind blow and feel better.

That's when I realized that the initial smell test I did was completely wrong, that in fact not only did it stink, it stank really really bad. It was the thick smelling kind that just hangs there not willing to dissapate and leave. Just then my husband wanders by, "oh my gosh, I'm glad to see you, we need to leave this area immediately!" I tell him. "Why?" He asks. "I've got horrible gas, and it stinks, smell the air." I replied.

"Eww. Oh my gosh it does stink!" He announces. "Yes, I know, now come on, there are teen agers walking this way," and I duck down the aisle. We weave in and out of aisle's trying to get as far away as possible, and that's when I say, "we've got to get out of here, forget the movie, this is too embarrassing, let's go." And he agreed. As we made our way through the rows of movies, he tells me that he too just experienced extreme gas pains on the other side of the store, and thought he was alone and let it out only to find that indeed he was not alone, and some woman walked by him and said, "Excuse Me!" So, he said, "Excuse me!" right back to her.

That's when I saw the teen agers come out of the area where I had left the horrible stench, and they were laughing uncontrollably, the look on their faces told it all. I know they knew we did it, my only salvation is that I got out of there before he did, so it looks more like he did it then I did, or at least that's what I'm hoping. I tell you it was a bad one.

We got to the car both humiliated and laughing hysterically at each other. It was bad, we both had tummy aches, and had been overwhelmed to the point having to release it. It must have been something we ate. We never did get a movie to watch. All in all it was a good night though.

Computers Make Life Easier

Oh Yeah Right.

Of course they do. I love the ole computer. I adore technology when it is used for good, and not evil. Now, when I went to college twelve years ago, I still sometimes typed my papers out on a good old fashioned electric typewriter, and barely used a computer. Sure did. Heck, when I learned how to type way back in 1984 the teacher demanded that we all rotate and each get a chance to type on the electric one, but he preferred that we learn how to type on the manual typewriter, plus we only had 4 of the electric anyway.

I remember how he told us it was much more important that we type on the manual ones, and learn how to use them well, ironically I don't think I've ever used one since, but I darn well could if I had to. I guess he thought it would build the muscular finger strength we were going to need for the rest of our lives, and sure enough I do possess a great amount of finger strength, especially my middle one which I use in traffic all the time. That's what is wrong with kids these days you know. They've never had to actually fix any of their own mistakes, or even try hard not to make any, although I can't honestly say I'm much better and I did have to fix a lot of crap on that darn old type writer.

So there I was the other day at the college, about 2 years ago I decided I was going to go and enroll and take a class or two, and being such the procrastinator I've only just got around to going this week. Imagine how other areas of my life are fairing with such lack of direction. Actually there were other factors, or at least that's my story. Procrastinators are chronically abusing the "other factors" excuse, and I'm no exception. Anyway, so I went, mind you it's been 12 years or so since I've taken a class at any college.

I mentally prepared myself to deal with the lines, the go here cross this "T", and go there and dot this "I" silliness that caused me to drop out of college in the first place. I really do hate people who say, "well college shows that a person has sticktoitiveness, that they're able to finish something!" That is the biggest crock of bull hockey I've just about ever heard. Seriously. I think cleaning other people's toilets for the same amount of time just as easily demonstrates real committment, and even a willingness to put up with an awful lot of crap.

That being said, there is a time and place for everything. One class. I'll just start with that. I just want to get a feel for it, and see if I like it. That's all I'm going to say on it at the moment. I hate talking myself up about something and then it's not what I want, and then I look all wishy washy and stuff.

Oh my gosh I am completely sucking at telling this simple story. Well, I went down there, stood in line at the admission office waiting my turn. I get up there, "hello, I would like to take a class, what do I need to do? I don't see any application for admission sheets anywhere."

Extremely sarcastic looking woman replies, "you need to go over there to those computers and apply." All righty. Computer huh? This should be a breeze then. I'll be done and outta here with my class in no time. Umm, no. The computer doesn't give an answer until 72 hours later. The computer crashed while I was there. I had to go home and finish putting the application in. I'm still waiting for an answer. The computer says I'm a non-resident which is a load of hooey. And basically I can't pay for the class online anyway, so I'm going to have to go back out to the school on my day off, and they will undoubtedly want a lock of my dead great great grandmother's hair, and the deed to my home as proof that I do actually live in this state, and am in fact a resident taxpayer.

I would think that a college would have a more efficient system, it being an institution of higher learning and all, I mean heck, there are supposed to be smart people around there running the place right? Sure it's way way way better than the old days where it literally took a whole day to register for a class, but I'll tell ya, the staff is still the typical rude and indifferent government employee types like usual. I swear there are some sadistic people out there who really get off on wrecking people's days and wasting their time. It's a real turn on for some people. The more you protest or become angry, that's all the more pleasure they get out of it, which is cool if you are into that sort of thing, but I'm definitely not into being a doormat thank you very much.

Whatever. I'm over it. So, I'm waiting until my day off when I can hopefully get registered to take my class, and see if I like it, and go from there. At least I can use a computer to get me through this time. That will help so much, even if their system was absolutely useless in the process, I'm sure it helped someone at some point, just not me that's all.

I Don't Claim To Know

(repost)

Anything At All.

All I know is that something is wrong. I believe we are a nation in a fair amount of turmoil. We've gone too far. We've become too dependent on the government solving our problems. We don't deal with conflicts amongst ourselves with any bit of fairness or maturity, and the gov is always there to step in and "mediate". Problem is, our gov is made up of people who are not impartial themselves, and who blatantly pursue their own betterment and interests right in front of us.

Today I heard the cashier at Wal-Mart telling the customer in front of me, who appeared to be of some aquaintance, that she only takes home about $200.00 every two weeks. I was appalled. We've all heard tales of how Wal-Mart employees depend on social programs to fill in the gaps, and make up for the low wages they are paid. No one in any city can live on that kind of money. We all know the trick of the trade in which employers hire only "part time" workers so that they can avoid paying out any sort of benefits like health insurance.

I realize some would say, "well, they can look for a better job, they don't have to work there..." and so on. Sure, I can see that I suppose. I know at one point I was so desperate for work I would have skipped with glee if I had a job at Wal-Mart. Here Wal-Mart can hire military wives, retirees, and so on and not have to worry about paying a living wage. Yes, I like the low prices at Wal-Mart, that's why I shop there, but I also can see that I can easily shop sales at other stores, stores which do actually pay their employees enough to live on, besides Wal-Mart's meat is disgusting, their produce is not all that great either, I generally have to go other places anyway.

Now I know I risk sounding like a liberal here, be that as it may, I can assure any that I'm far from it. I don't support pinko commie socialists at all. That doesn't mean that I think Corporations should be able to get over the way they do. There has to be a solution, one that doesn't necessarily involve turning to uncle sam, and regulating the hell out of businesses to the point that they would rather up and move to China then operate here. Besides, most of that regulation really hurts small businesses much more than rich corporations more than likely.

I don't give a flying rat carcass for the silver spoon fed rich. I honestly don't know how those people sleep at night. How does it feel to live so lavishly while one's employees feed from the public trough and live in poverty. I would be so embarrassed. Really.

Whenever talk of raising the minimum wage is raised, business owners are up in arms about how it will ruin their business and so on. Maybe so. I don't claim to know. But I ask myself, seriously, how many freakin' billions is enough for some of these people? Really! Sure, not every business owner is a multi millionaire. Some are just struggling folks who can't live with the idea of being pushed and prodded by human resources, and a plethora of managers anymore.

The bible speaks of this, the scripture has stuck with me, it goes something like this: It's easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to enter heaven. It's not that rich men are bad, or evil, but that I suppose people will do some rather ruthless and greedy things to become rich. Being rich is not what is really important. And not everyone who is rich is ruthless and greedy.

I guess it all boils down to what are we willing to pay for? As a society, it seems we place high dollar value on Hollywood actors, and professional sports players. It really doesn't take any amount of skill to empty a trash can I suppose, although, were there not people willing to do it, I would have to laugh to see some people trying. It does not take a whole lot of skill to stand at a cash register and scan items, push a few buttons and give out proper change, but it's not as easy as it might seem either. Try having a person who hasn't bathed in two days, who smoked a carton of cigarettes, drank a 5th of Jack, who is suffering from serious digestive problems breathing in your face and calling you an idiot for not working fast enough to suit them, it definitely takes a certain amount of determination not to tell that person to immediately go piss in a river.

Many times I have considered what my life would be like if I didn't have my husband, my partner, my rock to get through all of this with me. I chose carefully when it came to marriage. I'm afraid many people do not think ahead. I'm afraid many have been deluded into thinking that single parenthood was a viable option. Of course it can be done, it's not something I would recommend setting out to do on purpose. Sometimes there is no choice, many times hindsight would have been very helpful.

It is no accident that next year my husband and I will claim over $70,000.00 as our income. We made that happen. Perhaps it was just good luck, but we actively pursued our dreams or it wouldn't have happened otherwise. Two years ago we actually claimed just over $10,000 income. We've come a long way since then. That was a really really hard year for us. I honestly don't know how we did it.

We've made a series of choices that have led us to this point. My dad always says people get to where they are by a series of choices that they make. These are the choices we made. We chose to risk comfort for opportunity. We chose to sacrifice time together for advancement. We chose to be humble and ask for help, information and a shot. We choose to be drug free, he drinks a beer here and there, but for the most part we are alcohol free. We both choose to work in physically demanding jobs because they pay the best for the amount of education we have.

Before those choices were made, we chose each other. We each chose a stable partner, with a future. We chose to wait until we were married to have a child. We chose to drive crappy cars that stank because they were affordable. We've made some mistakes. Some real doozies. We've paid for them. We'll make more I'm sure.

I don't know where we'll be tomorrow. Perhaps things could happen to land us at the bottom of the pay scale, making nothing, hoping for something. It could happen. At least we'll have each other.

In my mind, I could still end up making 5.15/hour somewhere. Nothing is promised. I just can't imagine what sort of person would feel comfortable paying their employees a wage like that. They must know they can't barely live on that. I think I'll lay off Wal-Mart shopping for a while. I'm really disgusted with them. We'll see how long that lasts. Freaking Crack-Mart.

p.s. I posted this because I thought it was one of my better posts that wasn't a bunch of ranting and raving about silly stuff. Plus, it's practically new again.

I Was In A Rut

But Now I'm Just Annoyed.

A spider just ran up the screen of the monitor. My two week depression continues. I have had fights with my husband, my brother, my supervisor, my best friend, who is also my hair stylist, two major corporations, and well I've just about had enough. I swear it's not me. I truly believe it is not I with the problem.

The little spider continues to run around the screen, and I have a list of people and things that I am just freakin over. Over I say. Heck I've taken on huge corporations in the past week. I'm over them too. What did I get for my troubles? A bait and a switch and now a stupid dish on top of my house. I feel really suckered on that one.

It was supposed to be some package deal thing. Get the phone, internet and direct t.v. for certain low prices. Sure, I'll try it. Phone got turned on-check. Internet thingy came in the mail-check. Guy came out and installed dish thingy-check. Only after he installed the darn thing in 3 rooms did he come to me with the phone and say, "this lady wants to talk to you."

I answer the phone, and on the other end is a woman with a distintively Indian accent telling me that the package I signed up for is no longer available, and would I like this other package that cost $30 more a month. "Umm, no. I would like the package that was offered to me when I signed up for your junk." Long story short, she refused to honor the deal--after all the stuff had already been installed in, on and atop my house. Not a good start to what is supposed to be a loving relationship if you ask me. What could I do? Well I'll tell you what I could do, instead of yacking with that woman on the phone, I should have been telling the technician to uninstall the stuff, but at that point I hadn't realized just how screwed this company was.

Dumb thing I did was accept the stupid thing. That was a big mistake. I was trying to be nice to the man who was sweating profusely from installing that junk in near 100 degree heat. It wasn't his fault I told myself. Well, I was just plain wrong. Once I realized the bait and switch had happened I should have said, get this shit off my house. The guy leaves, I'm still arguing with the woman on the phone. Finally, I take some other thing which is $48+/month instead of the $39/month they promised me to begin with. Thing is I could have gone with cable. I'm really not this cheap, I swear I'm not, but cable, internet and all these things add up monthly, I was offered a fairly decent deal, which in the end was not honored at all. Dang it, it was the principle of the thing anyway. The whole thing seemed very shady.

Hubby comes home, he goes to install the internet thingy that came in the mail a few days earlier, and after multiple tries is still unable to install the thing. It seems the dish dude had run it through the phone line somehow and that was probably interfering with the internet thingy, but the thing could have been broke even, we don't know, and the phone company told my husband it would be $100 for them to come out and take a look at the thing. Ridiculous. My husband knows his way around a computer well enough to know there was something wrong and it wasn't his installation process.

That was it. And when I say it, I meant it. First I called the dish t.v. people and said, I would like to have this thing uninstalled, and I will no longer be using the service, that I am massively disappointed with the company up to that point, and have decided I would happily do without being ripped off. "We don't uninstall the things ma'am, we just put it up there, you need to go on your roof and figure out how to get the thing down, and what to do with the 300 feet of wires we ran all over the back of your house." At least that's ultimately what they were telling me.

"What do you mean you don't uninstall the thing, how am I supposed to know how to do that? If I knew about all this stuff don't you think I wouldn't have needed a technician to install it. That's the final straw, your company sucks I never want anything to do with direct dish t.v. ever again. Seriously. You all really suck." Which is ultimately what I told them after I asked to speak to a supervisor to voice my concerns, I was summarily disconnected. Yep, hung up on. I called back and was treated sarcastically and rudely by the next person as well, but at least she did cancel the service for me. Yes, the stupid dish thing is still sitting on top of my house. Seriously, how am I to get that thing down?

Well, we will get it down eventually, but it's a shame and a horrible reflection of that company. I will never even consider having one of those things again. Oh, and while I'm at it, I called the stupid phone company who sold me this craptacular package with the direct t.v. and the internet thingy and told them to take their internet and shove it straight up a place that polite people never speak of. They could not understand my disappointment, and that I would be frustrated that they set me up this crappy service, and wanted to charge me $100 to come and fix the junk they sent. The phone lady even threatened me that I was going to have to pay $200 to get out of the "service" to which I laughed and said, "oh yeah right, like hell I am, and go ahead and cancel my phone service too then, I don't need it, I do have 4 cell phones anyway." Somehow she suddenly decided to change the tune and say, "oh, I made a mistake, you won't be billed that $200 because you cancelled within the first 30 days..."

We ended up going with the cable afterall. It's all set up, and I am so glad we did. Yes, it sucks that they put that stupid dish on top of our house and refused to get it down, but at least I'm not paying them any money each month. I'm really not as unhappy and angry as I sound. I swear I'm not. I am however a person who has to be pushed really hard to be made so angry. I'm the type of person who doesn't say anything when my order is screwed up. I just take things as they come. These people pushed me to the point that I want absolutely nothing to do with their companies. I'm so over satellite dishes. And I'm off to bed now. I'm pooped.

I'm Still Here

Update.

Who has time for fancy titles these days? I know I certainly don't. Now that we've moved back into the house we used to rent last year, and we're finally all settled, I thought I would take a moment to put something out there for posterity, or for my two friends who read this here mess.

So we bought the house, we moved back in, and are steadily trying to make the place comfy and cozy. Ten giant bags of lawn cuttings later, our yard is starting to look less like a good hiding place for a herd of antelope, and more like a nice place for our dog to do his business. The weeds have come close to overtaking the place, so hubby is weeding and feeding like crazy hoping to get rid of the EVIL thistle (scroll down to 16 January 1988 to get a clue what we're dealing with here) which I hate and wonder what exactly it's purpose is in the overall scheme of life and the food chain. Believe me, we're going to be talking a lot about thistle, it has spread to all corners of the yard, and it is now our mission in life to destroy it as soon as possible. The stuff is tough, and untouchable by delicate human hands.

I'm still a non-smoker right at 3 months now, but it's been really hard lately with all the stress of moving and things that are happening in my life right now, I wish I had my handy dandy old friend Mister Nicotine to help me through this stress. I don't know how or why, but when I feel stressed the old cravings start to kick in, but I'm not giving up, it's better to crave it once in a while than every 20 minutes of every day. At least that's what I'm telling myself so that I can stay firmly on the wagon. I wish I had something to replace smoking with, but even sitting here blogging makes me want to light up one and puff away. I tried to replace it with beer, a much more socially acceptable drug than smoking cigarettes, but for some reason I find the idea of becoming an alcoholic so late in life a bit dramatic, and really I don't much like the taste of alcohol anyway.

There is of course food as a wonderful alternative to smoking, but I'm pretty much already as addicted to food as I can be, I'm happy to announce that 3 months after quitting smoking I still fit all of my pants, although they are a bit more snug than usual, and one of my buttons did pop off of my work pants, but it also has one of those hook things on it too, so I can still wear them, and they actually feel better now that the button isn't making that indentation in my belly still.

Basically I haven't found a suitable replacement to smoking. I have become quite addicted to going swimming though, I don't know if that is related at all, but just as I suspected being a non smoker is boring as hell. And that pretty much explains why non-smokers are drawn to doing stupid things like climbing mountains, taking the stairs instead of the elevator, and eating boca burgers instead of good old fashioned hamburgers. Smoking used to be fun, and frankly, it was something to do. Now I have nothing to do. Honestly, I've been quite bored as a non-smoker. Either that or there just aren't that many things I would rather do than have a coke and a smoke and a good talk about anything at all.

I guess that's enough of an update for now since I forgot to post this and was off reading blogs and emails and stuff. I will be back soon this time. I actually have access to the net again at my convenience.

Random Observations

And Thoughts.

1. Normal people do not care nor worry about that (P) lame chick, and who exposed her or whatever the heck. Nobody cares. Seriously.

2. I am sick and tired of people who have nothing better to say than, "Bush is an idiot." That's all they say. Wow, great argument there bub. I'm impressed.

3. I hope Israel kicks the crap out of Hezbollah, and the rest of those ankle beating random civilian beheading swine. Pigs. You're not fit to eat after my dog.

4. People who complain about people who complain are hypocrites and usually the biggest complainers of all. Quit yer whining, pussies.

5. My mom's favorite foods to have are chili, soup and pie, she always has at least one of those on hand at all times. My poor dad.

6. Kim jong il.

7. Tired of people who hate America, but won't leave it.

8. France.

Why?

Must I Suck So Bad?

Seriously. I can never find time to get on here and beat out something witty and smart. These days I spend my time sitting in my friend's hot tub talking about how much better looking Bush is than Kerry. My friend always starts it, she thinks it is funny to get me worked up. She usually starts with something like, "Oh I hope Hillary runs!" And It Is On.

We should be moving next week. I'm beside myself with joy about that idea. It's been too long, I repeat, It's been too long. The last two months I have pretty much woke up every day thinking, "what fresh hell is it today?" That's bad, and let me tell ya, it has been bad, and that's all I'm going to say on it. Just know that the last 8 months have been a sort of hell I wouldn't wish on anyone.

What's new? I think I'm psychic. Yep. Before we settled on this house, we thought about buying quite a nice house near my parents. We actually knew the peeps who used to live there. It was a husband and wife, he was American, retired military and she was a Korean lady he married years ago. My father in law used to be somewhat friends with him, but I heard the old guy was a pervert from a girl I know who his wife babysat years and years ago. Anyway, my husband said he remembered the old guy saying something pretty nasty to him when he was a young teen ager when they went on a fishing trip. Whatever it was, and I know what it was, but it's way too nasty to repeat made my hubby's dad so angry he said, "Get in the car, we're leaving." and they did.

So the old fart had one thing going for him, he took good care of his house, and his Korean lady took good care of him until she got sick with the brain tumor and passed away. She was actually a nice lady, and I often saw her squatting in their perfectly manicured front lawn picking at itty bitty tiny baby weeds before they ever had a chance to grow, or at least I imagined that's what she must have been doing squatting in the yard for so long and so often. He was not all that well when his lady died, he was on oxygen and was not in the greatest of health himself, never the less he did manage to find himself another Korean lady and make her his wife, which was good for her I guess since it cleared up some nasty tangle with immigration. She took over picking at the teeny tiny baby weeds, and my sister remarked one day that he went out and got himself a new Korean lady.

She must have taken good care of him because he left her everything, and that would be fitting since he didn't have any children anyway. So she lives in the house now, but it's for sale. My husband said, "get that house!" It is a nice house, and I thought seriously about getting it, but then I realized that the ironic thing would be that we would spend the next however many years looking out our front window everyday at his first girlfriend's mother's house. I didn't like the idea at all since I really don't want to be friends with her, or have her looking over and seeing me come home with groceries and stuff.

Plus, and I'm serious here, the house had bad energy to me. I thought long and hard because I knew the price was very good with the condition of the house, much nicer than a lot of the houses I've seen in that price range, but something just would not let me make the call even though I promised my husband I would. At first I protested and said, "no, a pervert lived there, I don't want to live in a pervert house, who knows what kind bad stuff lurks there." Hubby thought that was sort of silly, he was thinking purely of the business transaction and not the living in the house. Finally, I agreed to look into it, and make the call while he was away on the rig.

Then I had the dream, the scary one where I'm in the house, and the downstairs is definitely haunted. There was lots of bad stuff in there. I felt it very strongly. The dream was quite disturbing, but I still made the call. I left a message, the lady never called back. Daddy in law decided to sell, and thankfully hubby was interested. He forgot the creepy house. I didn't. I'm so glad the lady never called.

Oh but that is not all. One night I'm driving past the house and I see something strange in the immaculate yard. It's a coat. It's standing up, and in the dark it looks like a body coming out of the ground. It stands there, a lone apparition in the perfect green grass. At first I didn't know what it was, in day light I saw what it was. It still looks strange.

My brother noticed the thing as well. We pondered it for days. We asked everyone else, did you see the weird coat in the yard? Yes, they all had, they all found it odd and out of place. What was ever more bothersome was the thing moved around the yard, and frankly that really freaked me out, didn't the lady know it was there, who was moving it? Finally we decide one night we cannot take it any longer, we've got to walk by the house and see the thing close up, discover some meaning to it. We get the dog, we start our walk. As we approach the yard, Toby is walking along then he spots the inanimate object in the dark, it is crawling out of the ground. Toby stops, he stares, he takes a stance and growls at the coat. Toby backs away, and we continue on, not wanting to draw attention to our curiosity.

We discuss Toby's unusual reaction. We decide the thing freaked him out too. We walk on further and decide to turn around and go back by and see what Toby does a second time around. This time my brother lets go of the leash, we watch and the dog runs up to the thing, sniffs it, and just like that pees on the thing. We didn't mean for him to, but after that we both decide the thing isn't scary anymore, just odd and out of place. In the next day or so the coat was gone. I don't know what happened to it, or why it left after being there for a couple of weeks.

See, I knew there was something wrong with that house. That whole business with the coat was strange, and I knew all along things were not right with that house. The other day I was driving by with my daughter and her friend, and the little girl said, "that house is haunted," just out of the blue. She saw it too. The house is still for sale, the price is quite nice, I don't know why it is still sitting there. Yes, I'm quite aware of how flaky I sound.

I better get to bed. Night.

Have You Heard of the Freegans?

Eat A Bagel.

Recently my friend told me of the freegans, I admit I laughed my ass off when she did. I thought I knew some kooky people, but this is too much. Apparently she read in the newspaper a story of people who live solely off of the things that society throws away, for example, they hang around outside bagel shops and get free food when the bagels are thrown out, etc. Now everywhere we go it's "move it you friggin freegan," this, and "look at this frickin' freegan" that.

I remember as a small child the first time we came to this town on vacation just a year or so before we moved here, we stayed in a little cabin on the west side of town right near the mountain, and I almost embarrassed my parents to death and even risked them being attacked by hippies when I spotted one peeing in the middle of the street and screamed, "Mom! Look! A Hippy is peeing in the street!" It was from that moment on that I held a distrust for hippies, and have viewed them as sort of dirty and strange ever since.

Admittedly these freegans sound much the same to me. I don't trust people who eat other people's garbage. Call me snotty, but it's really only acceptable when one is doing it out of necessity, and with church pantries, and many other such food banks and soup kitchens available, well one must really be in a bad place to rummage through a dumpster for food.

And another thing, I don't trust people who think rubbing certain rocks on their pits is really going to keep them from stinking, but I've actually met people who think that it works. While I'm at it, I'm so freaking over Vegans. Go stuff a turkey with yourself you snotty assholes. I'm not giving up meat. Ever. Shut up about it, and how you "are a vegan for the "right" reasons, unlike those people who do it for religious reasons." Give me a break okay. These are the same people who think nothing of yanking a developing baby from the womb.

Okay, I admit, I am a bit of a freegan in that if I see a nice item on the side of the road with a sign that says, "FREE" on it, I will stop and give it a look see, and maybe even call my husband to come and help me load it up. I got a really nice desk that way, but I draw the line at eating garbage. That's just the thing it's not that it's so wrong to make use of stuff going to the trash, that I can actually respect in a way. It's just that people who usually spend their time doing so are the type to make a habit of rubbing rocks on their pits in lieu of deodorant as well.

Things To Go

People To Do and Places To See.

Yah. I'll be back dudes. Whenever. Got a lot of stuff to do. Yah, I know, we're all busy, what makes me so special? Sure I know professional bloggers never miss a beat, they are always up with the chickens getting stuff done, but you know popularity has it's price, I'm sure instapundit guy doesn't just slack off whenever he feels like it. Since this site is decidedly not popular, I don't think those rules really apply to me so I'll be back when I darn well feel like it.

About a month ought to do it. By then we should be done signing our life away, moving all of our crap out of storage, putting it back in the house we lived in less than a year ago, and hopefully getting on with our lives quite well. That's some sort of wicked twist of fate or something. Sure buying a house we already lived in sort of takes the excitement out of it in a way, I mean it's sort of like, hey have a look around, oh wait, you've already been over here twenty different times and pretty much nothing has changed. Hey, it's our new house, we already lived in it, but it's new now because we don't pay $800 in rent anymore, now we pay $1150 to a mortgage. What the, are we dumb?

Oh did I tell you? The house we are buying is daddy in law's house, the one we rented from him, well he decided to sell it, and hubby and I decided to buy it. We liked living there, it was a cute little house. I forgot I deleted over a years worth of stuff when I killed the blog in a bout of bipolar disorder, somewhere in all that mess was the story of how daddy in law broke up with his darling German girlfriend who WE adored, and how he decided he wanted his house back, so we obliged and moved out. Now daddy in law is girlfriend less and wants nothing more than to sell his house, so we are going to buy it.

You know that show, what do you get for the money on HGTV? Well, here's what we got, you're going to shit. Now we looked around for months, well I did, hubby basically said "let me know when you narrow the freakin list down a bit, I hate shopping, and you know that." In our price range, 150k there are a lot of fixer uppers, we visited one in the $130k price range and it literally smelled funny, had about 5 different types of carpet in the span of 7 rooms, the siding was melted on the back of the house, and the house was obviously painted by a very sick woman with horrid taste in colors, styles and borders. It was awful, did I mention it smelled?

Then we found out dad in law was selling. Now his is a bit older house, built in the 70s. Here are the selling features of THE house, corner lot, brand spanking new furnace, newer water heater, roof replaced in 1999, fresh paint, newly remodeled bathroom/laundry room, new carpet downstairs, lovely brick patio, three bedroom, two bath tri-level. I just realized I missed my calling as a real estate agent.

The house is cute even if it is really small. It's built well, and has few things wrong with it. It needs some new gutters, or to at least have them fixed/patched. In this drought that's not too much of a big deal, we can do that. The cost is high, but we're not going to find anything better for the price. People are selling stinky houses with absolutely no up keep for 130. Anyway, we're buying it, we like the house, and we enjoyed living in it. We're lucky in a way, most people don't get to live in the house before they buy. We stayed right in our price range of 150, for you nosey peeps who are like, "just tell us how much dang it!"

With that said, I've got a lot of stuff to do in the next few weeks. I'm trying to get stuff ready to move, plus it's summer so we've been going swimming just about every night, and it has always been difficult for me to have time to get on the computer since we moved in with family. I'm just so grateful to my parents for putting up with us the last 8 months, they helped us immensely, even still I can't wait to get the hell out of here we all need our own space, and I'm positive that they can't wait either.

But let me tell you this, I've got such a rant stirring within me about freaking snotty old people. I'm fed up with them. Seriously, it's not enough that we have to fund your freakin retirement as you sit in your paid off houses which were actually affordable, no you have to get annoyed that there are children in the pool, how about showing some respect huh? These kids are going to be paying for your drugs, your monthly social security check, and then some, while you retire in your life of luxury in your paid off affordable house, and with the savings you had from not having to pay 50% or more of your income to taxes your WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE. Not to mention all they are going to pay for the rest of society's sponges. Let the kids swim in the pool without you scowling and throwing a tantrum. You owe them.

Yeah. I'll be back.

Oh My Gosh

We're Off.

Okay, so in just a few short moments (when I get my butt of this computer) hubby and I are going to meet with a mortgage lady and hopefully after jumping through a series of hoops, and cutting through enormous amounts of red tape, we will--with all of our hair still intact--be getting a house within the next month or so. We actually already know which house, but I'll save that exciting detail for later. I know it's not really exciting to anyone anyway. Ironically, I think it might be more of an irony thing about the house, but I could be wrong. Yeah, I know, I did that.

I'll be back soon. Pray with good news.

One Month

Smoke Free.

I know you insurance spammers who actually leave comments are happy for me. Thanks. Thanks for letting me know I've got the best blog on the web. I'm sorry to say I pretty much despise insurance companies, but at least you visit. I find it rather hilarious actually that my most frequent commenter is an insurance spammer. You would think that I would not even bother, but I am a glutton for embarrassing and humiliating myself. Sure, I still read bloggers who have come to their senses and delinked me. I don't blame certain people for removing the link to my site, I did feel a bit hurt about it, but I'm way too sensitive about things anyway.

I thought it would be fun to write a blog, make friends with people, climb some imaginary ladder of success and be well thought of by people who share the same values, but I was wrong. My motives and my intentions were narcissitic, and ego driven. Writing was one of my favorite tasks in school. I'm not all great at it or anything, but like singing, I enjoy doing it even though I don't necessarily have an aptitude for it. It brings me joy. That's why I'm still putting stuff out there. Other people inspired me to do this, but I continue to do it for me, and I'm thrilled if someone else is moved by anything written here, but other than leaving a comment, I have no way of knowing at all if that is the case.

I know there are a precious few people out there who link to this site, and I'm honestly thankful and happy for them. I do read my handful of favorites whenever I sit down at the computer. I know I should comment more and let them know I do enjoy their efforts, but I do send them happy vibes no matter what.

Well. There it is. I'm a kook.

He's Not Bothered In The Least

The Trouble With Birds.

Well, they have brains the size of uncracked sunflower seeds, or at least I imagine so. For the third straight day in a row the birds in the backyard have worked themselves into quite a tizzy. Chasing and dive bombing my sweet dog, they've been making a big old ruckus all around us. I don't know what my dog has done to vex their ire, but they are really ticked at him. It has something to do with babies I guess.

Just a couple of days ago hubby found two dead baby birds in the yard, and one apparently had bite marks on it. Now, we are guessing the dog did not actually climb the tree to get a tasty bird mc nugget out of the spring nests, but that doesn't mean he didn't decide to gnaw the head off of the baby bird that mistakenly fell out of one. Hypocrites! Birds have been known to throw their own offspring right out of the nest, but oh let it happen on accident and somehow their little pea brains can retain a grudge, for at least 3 days so far as I can tell.

I got up bright and early this morning, took a shower, made coffee with the sole intention of sitting on the back porch dreaming of smoking a cigarette--I'm still a humongous quitter by the way, going on 3rd week as we speak--and drinking coffee, my only vice. But no. The dog came out with me, and from then on it was squawk this, squack that, and a bunch of silly birds making a pure nuisance out of themselves, making me wish I owned a pea shooter.

The dog did not seem phased the least little bit, in fact, he pretty much ignored them and carried on marking all of his favorite spots as I sat there sipping my coffee thinking, "oh sheesh, will you silly birds at least be quiet about your dive bombing!" They really hate that dog now.

Then I thought how much my mom hates birds. Now, I actually do like birds even if I shouldn't given my history with them but, I find them quite interesting and could see myself on some sort of bird watching expedition, something my mother would never do, and would only express distaste for. I guess I can't blame her, she was attacked by one afterall. She was just a 9 year old kid when that mean old chicken attacked her. It might have been a rooster, I'm not sure now the details are dodgy. Something about her copping a squat, and a chicken tearing after her. I don't know, but chickens are vile smelly mean birds who deserve to be eaten because they do taste so good.

Of course mom never forgave the chicken, and to this day holds a personal grudge against all birds. I do remember as a child watching her cut up a chicken, she seemed to pretty happy to dip the thing in flour and fry it up. I admit she didn't look at all resentful either when she did it. Even so, she does get very nervous around birds and would prefer they go away all together.

These birds are small, they don't even really make contact, "what could they do to really hurt me?" I wondered. Well, I don't know what my mom has been complaining about, at least she is not a walking target for the darn things. Oh yes, it's a big family joke, I get pooped on all the time by stupid birds. Haha! Look at the drippings in my hair! What are the odds really? Is it just me, or have I been at the unfortunate end of the bird's wrath more times then is fair? I can recall quite clearly at least 3 times I've been hit, and I mean hit. The gooey stuff running down my forehead, and a big clump of it in my hair.

I'd just be innocently playing outside as a child and the critters would poop on me, but the worst was right after we returned from being overseas for 3 years. Even as we flew over the Pacific ocean my husband and I had one restaurant on our minds. They make THE best Mongolian Beef and Sesame Chicken we've ever had, and that includes any we tried in actual Asia. It was the first place we intended to go, and we got all prettied up and headed out. As we got out of the car, we noticed a loud flock of birds making quite a lot of noise in the huge tree outside the restaurant, and sure enough, splat! Right in my hair.

It was one of those where my husband points and laughs, and then sees my face and stops immediately and looks concerned. Our plans would not be ruined. No. "This has happened too many times!'' I declared. "I'm not going to let these stupid birds stop me!" So, we went back to the car, found some tissue, wiped the pooh out of my hair as best we could, and I mean it was some sticky clumpy stuff. I finished the job in the bathroom, and we had our dinner. I may have looked like that chick in Something About Mary, but at least we got our Mongolian Beef. My family just thinks it's so funny that we went on in and ate despite the poop, they don't realize that 3 years was a long time without good American Chinese food.

These birds are really too much. As I sit typing this, they have swooped my cat sitting in the window just trying to enjoy some morning air. Swooped a cat! Now come on. Tell me these critters are smart huh? That's just not real bright. The cat's face read, "oh yeah, come a little closer baby!"

Can't Forget These Dudes

Scenery

Giraffes

Big Fat Things

Dude, Where's My Hat?

Jealous?

Cute Hind End

What Is This Thing? Thing Swimming.

Couple Of Hoodlums

Why I Never Post Anymore

I Don't Even Know Who I Am

Blank.

I know what I'm not. I barely know what I am. Don't worry this isn't some sort of mid-life crisis made up drama here. I'm not going to run off somewhere just to figure it all out. It's just that I have smoked cigarettes since I was 15 years old, and now that I've quit smoking, I don't really know what to do with myself.

It's been a whirlwind of mood swings, emotional outbursts, and crying over spilt milk. I've been clumsy, confused, bored, and angry. I've also been proud, confident and strong. I've never felt more assured of my success before. I feel like I'm going to make it. It feels right, and I'm going with it. There are two times a day that I really want a cigarette, in the morning, and in the evening, other than that it's been pretty much a breeze aside from developing yet another new personality. Gosh I wish there was a pill for bad temperment. Oh heck, I tried to spell check that, but I've never been able to use the dern thing. I'm not sure if it's spelled right, and I'm on dial up here, so give me a break. It took five minutes just to load this page.

So It's been 8 days since I've took a puff. Now, I know that might not sound like a lot, but if you've ever quit smoking, well then you realize of course that at this point counting the days is all you can do, and each one helps get through the next one. Pretty soon I'm sure I'll be counting the weeks, and hopefully at some point I will just forget the whole thing ever happened.

Boy, I've never really been a non-smoker as an adult, I still don't quite know what to do with myself, all I know is now that I don't smoke, I don't want to do half the stuff I used to do. It's changed everything. My personality has changed as well. I think I must have used nicotine as a means to stifle myself. When a confrontation arised, I would just go smoke it off. Now, I have a hard time shutting up.

The hardest thing about it is the mood swings, but I don't even care about that. I thought about it yesterday as I left work, I thought, how am I going to get through this without getting in trouble at work for saying something I shouldn't, then I thought, I don't care. When I'm freakin' 60 and gasping for every bit of air that comes from my oxygen source, I'm not going to give a flying monkey turd what those people thought of me, I'm doing this for my life, and for my daughter, and for many other reasons. If those people can't take me being a bit more blunt, and a bit more moody, then they don't really care about me, or my life. Luckily, that has not been the case, although I realize that non-smokers are only so tolerant any way, and I have to make my best effort to behave.

All of this does not solve my problem of quite a lot of excess free time. I feel no need to watch t.v. since I can't smoke while I do it. I don't feel nearly as tired as I used to. I've been waking up pretty much every day before my alarm clock. I've been going to bed a lot earlier as well, mostly because I can't think of anything I'd really like to do at all. I've been eating like a big fat pig. Oh lord, that's what I should really be worried about. I'm predict a 25 pound weight gain. But even that I don't care about. I'll just be fatter, whoopty do. I am going to work on that later, right now the most important thing was getting off the sticks.

Maybe I'll get around to some exercise at some point, but I don't intend to make myself do it if my self does not want to do it. Right now my self is dealing with enough crap with the emotional land mines that keep popping up everywhere. I used to dread that part of quitting, this time I think I'll just deal with it.

I can't name all the things that have changed since I became the biggest quitter ever known to man. I can't do it. Mostly because it would be more boring than the rest of all this here. I'm sorry. I do consider myself a fairly boring person. I don't think I'm all that exciting to be around, I can't imagine what it must be like having to listen to me drone on about my self! One of the most boring topics I can think of. In the words of the great Jonathon Anton of Bravo's Blow Out, "I'm so over me."

Ready For More?

Complaining.

Today was my friday, ironically my friday changes on a week by week basis because my days off are never the same these days, but anyway, today was the end of my stretch, and it was a long day. I got off easy as my work load dropped off this morning, then picked up this afternoon, so while everyone else was running around like the proverbial chicken without a head, I was not busy at all, we work independently of each other, so it's not like I could do their work for them, next time I might be the chicken. I was all prepped and prepared then my schedule changed, and I had some free time.

It was nice actually, I think I needed it. The last few days with the kiddo being sick I've sort of worn down with worry, and tonight I finally realized that I'm not feeling all that well myself right about now, so I sort of dragged through the afternoon at work wishing I was everywhere else but there. I mentioned to one of my co-workers that I would be quite happy when today was over, and that I didn't really feel like being there today. It was a moment of honesty, and I generally don't say stuff like that at work. Usually I'm just fine, but today was rough.

He sort of laughed in my face and said, "oh gosh, you're barely even here as it is!" Which is actually not true, I do spend 4 out of 7 days a week there, which is one day less than he does. So, I shot back with, "well, you can go part time too if you want. Believe me, we've given up stuff as a result of it, but it's well worth it if you ask me, even without the benefits." To which he replied, "I don't have any benefits as a full-timer." Which actually is not true, he get's paid days, and medical insurance if he wishes, and there are a few other benefits like a bigger paycheck as well, but I didn't feel the need to spell all of that out to him.

So, I said, "well, my kid has problems that need my attention, so I went part time so I can be available more for her." Then he said, "well my dog has problems, maybe I should go part time for him." Hmm, I do think I'm being egged on. I reply, "don't compare my kid to your dog. I think you're just jealous that I have more time off."

Perhaps realizing how he was coming across, he apologized and said, "I'm sorry, you're right, I am jealous, I wish I could be here less." I said, "well, you have a nice house don't you?" He affirmed, "yes, it's over 4000 square feet." I said, "well the house we will probably buy will be less than half that size, and it won't be in as nice an area as where you live, these are the things we give up, although I don't think me working one more day a week would make that big of a difference at this point, at least we're happy."

He then went on to say that he made really good money before he took this job and that is why he and his wife were able to buy such a nice house, plus I would add that they don't have any children, especially not children that get sick, but shit, he's in his 40s I can't help him if he hasn't figured this all out already. He certainly could not afford that house on our pay now. Plus, he bought his house several years ago, when house prices were much cheaper. Whatever, I'm not bitching about his 4000 square foot house, obviously, he would rather have one more day off a week.

This is not the first time I've been on the receiving end of a full-timer's jealousy. It's not like I go around rubbing it in, last thing I want to do is draw attention to the fact that I only work 4 days a week. Honestly, it is so worth it to me. Yes, I lose a little money, but it's nominal really. The taxes took a good portion of it anyway. I'm happy with my choices.

In some people's eyes we might not have a lot of "things" to show for our work, but you can't measure time with a dollar amount. You just can't. You can't place a dollar sign on happiness. My hubby is only home every other week, our 3 days together we do more, and spend more time together than we ever did when he was working that horrible 9-5 grind. I love it, and I love my life. He seems so much happier now. He's really proud of what he's accomplished, and so am I. From now on my standard response will be: "What? Are you just jealous?"

I do feel the resentment seething under the surface sometimes. Sometimes it's from the single mom's, who make comments like, "well, I didn't have a husband to help me out..." Sometimes it's from this one guy who's wife works full-time, and he loves to say, "why can't you? My wife does it." Umm, I'm glad I didn't have to run my infant into the day care center everyday thank you very much, and I'm not freakin apologizing for it.

Heh, I'm still happy. So, whatever.

My Little Plan

Is Not Working.

The little plan was simple, don't get sick for at least 4 months until hubby's new job provides medical insurance. It was wrong. We were wrong. It's not working. We had the strep throat a few weeks ago, and now we have the mystery rash. Friday night I took the youngster to the urgent care clinic. The strange rash that started the day before had progressed from what appeared to be an allergic reaction to something, to a bumpy rash covering her entire body.

It was not so long ago in my mind when my little baby was admitted into the hospital to receive 4 blood transfusions for an aplastic crisis that resulted from a very benign childhood illness a lot of people have never even heard of called 5th disease. The Parvo B19 virus is the culprit, and most kids are just fine, barely even affected by the bug, but not my kiddo, she already had an undiagnosed anemia which combined with the red blood cell attacking virus put her in the nasty position of having only about a 4th of the hemoglobin in her body necessary to function. It was scary beyond words having my baby be that sick, but once the donor's blood started pumping through her veins she perked up pretty fast.

Ever since I've been very cautious when it comes to strange rashes, or any illness that gets my mom senses in an uproar, I've seen what can happen. I panicked, and I made an appointment Friday night after work to have my kiddo seen. What the doctor said in the visit, which took a grand whopping total of 15 minutes, was the rash was caused by a virus, and she has a sinus infection. I had no idea her sinuses were even infected at all, but they were. He gave me a prescription for Omniflex, or something along that name, and we headed to the 24 hour Walgreen's store, where the very kind clerk informed me that the drug would cost $129.00! Being a polite sort, she was generous enough to call the doctor and ask if there was not something else that he would like to prescribe for the sinus infection since we were poor middle class Americans with no health insurance. He decided on good ole Augmentin, and we forked over $60.00 instead. A small price to pay all things considered.

And you know what else? I've found it's kind of embarrassing explaining to people why on earth as a 35 year old I wouldn't think ahead and have insurance. They sort of just look at you like "Oh, what a shame." Guess what, we're going to pay for it, and pay and pay and pay if things keep up. The doc wants us to pay a visit to the hemotologist, oh yeah right. Uh huh. Guess what, hemotologists generally do not have payment plans, and usually want cash up front for an office visit, which is all well and good, but the last time we saw the hemotologist we actually HAD insurance, and we still forked over $140.00! That was just a wee little co-pay you see. I can't imagine what it would cost without insurance.

Whoa, of course I realize there is no price on my kid's health. Yes, I'm watching her like a hawk right now, and I'm just crazy enough to head to the E.R. if things don't seem right. At this point, she's only been on the antibiotics for 24 hours so we will see how she is each day. One day at a time. So far I'm not real happy with the progress, she doesn't seem all that much better, and the rash is still presenting itself. The rash is supposedly from a virus, so it may just run its course and everything will be fine, at least I hope so.

It's been sort of tough, thank God my momma is here. Hubby is out of town this week so I'm pretty much on my own with it all, and it's been super busy at work, I couldn't even get the time off, of course if things were much worse, I would have had to insist that I be excused from work, but I hate doing that. I'm so lucky my employer is very kind and understanding, so if I had called in it probably would have been okay, but I managed to make it through without calling off.

I have the next few days off as luck would have it, so I can really watch her and also get her in somewhere if needed. I think we get health insurance in July or something. Oh and did I mention that my throat is starting to hurt? Oh well, that's life. As they say, "it could always be worse."

How About A Picture?

I hear they are worth a thousand words.

Strange Things

People Tell Me.

I can be a pretty good listener, and I love a good story. My husband doesn't think so, because he has often made the mistake of striking up a conversation when we've gone to bed, and being somewhat of a narcoleptic bent, I pretty much fall alseep whenever I lay my head down, it's even worse when I've got my leg thrown across his, and my arm across his chest, I'm a goner. He says "I must bore you, you always fall asleep on me when I'm talking to you." I reply, "It's just that your voice is so soothing, and whenever I get in a fairly comfortable state, I can't keep my eyes open."

But despite my tendency to fall asleep on people, I have managed to record in my mind some of the sillier things people have told me. There is my friend who told me she used to have a kitten that gave her hickeys while she slept. It seems the cat was taken too early from it's mother, and still had a strong desire to suckle, so it found a lovely little mole on her neck, and would suck on that thing for dear life hoping it would produce milk. I really cracked up when she told me this. She would wake up to a tiny little hickey on her neck.

My friend, the wacky one who constantly cracks me up with her insane antics, has a friend who is a born story teller. Apparently the woman was lying in her bed one winter night, when she heard a loud thud coming from her closet. Now, what she did next really baffles me because I would have run screaming from the apartment, but she being an inquisitive type, opened the closet door to find a man hanging upside down in her closet. The woman, I'll call her Sam because that's her name, and I'm pretty sure she doesn't have internet access, screamed, then shut the door and called the police.

The long story made short is that the man was the apartment building's handy man, and he was making no small fortune crawling from the attic into unsuspecting tenet's apartments and stealing watches, change and whatever else. I guess the dingle berry was somehow stuck, and the police had to pull him down. His story that he was checking the roof for leaks did not stick, there just was not enough moisture in the air to convince anyone. All that for $450 a month!

The wacky friend of mine relayed this story to me in the most dramatic fashion ever, and my dad and I laughed hysterically when I relayed it to him. The same friend has many many episodes that make my eyes water, and her antics are no small part of the charm of our 25 year long friendship. I should have known when she told me about the time she fell out of the back of her girl scout leader's Winnebago that this girl offered the promise of many laughs. Now, I know on the surface that falling out of the R.V. might sound scary, but she was not hurt all that much, just a few scrapes, the funny part is that the brownie leader kept driving before the girls could draw her attention to my friend hobbling on behind trying to catch the slow moving vehicle.

Now, most normal minded people might think of taking the child home, or to an emergency room, but not this brave troop leader, she pushed on. Come on, this woman was delivering girl scout cookies in an R.V. people! So, no, she had promised those girls McDonald's for a job well done, and nothing was going to get in the way of those Happy Meals. Luckily, with no concussion, my friend was able to enjoy her Cheeseburger with the other girls. It was the 80's, need I say more?

My uncle's stories are always a hit at any barbeque, he was an ornery young man, but thankfully he was steered down the right path and has stayed on the right side of the law as a police officer, but before he was in uniform, well that's another story. My favorite is how he and a bunch of his friends decided to hang a man from the town water tower. It seems that my grandfather was always bringing interesting things home from his travels as a truck driver delivering marble all over the country. One such item was a dummy he'd picked up somewhere. Well, Uncle and friends decided it would be a hoot to climb up that water tower and hang that dummy, with a note pinned to it's chest signed, "the hangmen". They thought it would be even more delightful to run to the popular hang out spot in town and tell everyone, especially the girls, that a man was up on the water tower and about to jump.

This being about the most exciting thing to happen had most of those kids running over to discover the man had already jumped. Well, rather than arresting them, the story was run on the front page of the paper the next day, with a picture of a police officer holding the rescued dummy. Everyone knew it was a joke, nobody pee'd their pants over it. He's still got the article, I saw it myself. He's also still got the newspaper from Lincoln's assassination. He wasn't there, but he's been entrusted with it by my grandmother, who collected all sorts of smart things.

It's funny what people can tell you if you stay awake long enough to listen. There's nothing like a good story. If only I could relay them as well as the original. Ah well.

We Are Naked

Unprotected.

While my husband gets his feet wet in his new job, our family has taken the calculated risk of going without health insurance. I know for illegal immigrants that's not such a scary thing, but for us regular tax payers, it's scary as hell. My husband had great health coverage in his last job, the only thing was, his job itself didn't pay that well, so we had to take the risk, in the hopes we'll make it.

It takes 4 months from the date of hire to be eligible for health coverage at his new job, so we are biding our time. What could happen in 4 months? Ha! Anything. I tell you, with even the smallest sniffle, I'm telling our daughter, "don't get sick, we don't have health insurance!" More than once I've said, "Don't jump on that, if you fall and break a limb, we don't have health insurance!" A little wishful thinking on our parts can go a long way. Well, aside from a strep throat infection, she's done really well. Granted that infection is going to cost us a couple hundred of dollars, and that's all if we're lucky! We haven't received the bill yet though.

We're one major health incident away from financial catastrophe. You see, my husband's income is such we would not qualify for any assistance at all, yet, we've not had a long time to save the increased income. We're about halfway through now. Hopefully we can make it. Since our daughter has Spherocytosis, certain mild viruses can put her in the hospital receiving blood transfusions, although it's not likely. This is always in the back of my mind. Of course there is no price on our precious offspring's health, but we'd rather have health coverage in any case.

There are many other things that can happen, including a giant asteroid hitting our little section of the earth, or God forbid, the bird flu, I'm thinking we should be all right though. Knock on something.

Odwalla fruit drinks, that's our coverage. I notice we're drinking a lot more fruit juices, and eating more fruit, hopefully to stave off illness.

Not Particularly Important To Anyone

Random Stuff.

In November of last year, I was in a car accident, where I was hit from behind while sitting in traffic. I was hit first by one car, then another car hit that car, and I was hit again. It is now May, and my truck sits totalled on the side of the road, the plates have run out, yet, I still have to pay to insure the stupid thing. As of yet, neither insurance company, Allstate, or American Family Insurance has done shit to rectify the situation in any way at all.

My health insurance would not cover any costs of treatment associated with the accident. I have had to essentially pay out of pocket for any treatments I've received as a result of the accident. Since the accident, I have not slept well, and am given to bouts of pain and headaches as a result of the whiplash I got. I was told to see a chiropractor, physical therapist, and receive massage, all of which required that I make an agreement with those people that they would offer services, and be reimbursed when the insurance companies settled my claim. Not exactly an indeal situation when considering, I'm dependent on the insurance companies doing the right thing, and actually paying those people, or I will be forced to.

I take advil, and occasionally a mild muscle relaxant on nights where my neck feels particularly stiff. I don't go to the chiropractor twice a week, have physical therapy twice a week, or get massage twice a week because:

1. I'm not comfortable racking up bills in the thousands while relying on an insurance company to get off it's ass and pay for it if they even do. It's something about us being a tort state, which basically means, everyone get's screwed, except the insurance company.

2. I'm not going to be compensated for time that would take away from my job, and my life because I refuse to give these insurance companies permission to contact my employer and ask all sorts of nosy questions which is none of their gosh darn business.

3. I don't think it is my employers business that I'm filing a claim against these insurance companies. My health, and private life is still my own business, and I don't want my bosses knowing my personal stuff.

So, I am taking care of myself. I get massaged when I can. Perhaps, my long term pain will be more because I didn't follow their orders, but since I'm not the one who was at fault in the accident, I don't feel the need to be directed by some shitty insurance company who just wants to screw around with my life and time.

More was taken in the accident than the insurance companies would even consider paying for. How about the fact I was driving that old truck because it was inexpensive, and we were trying to save for a house at the time, and didn't want to try to get financing while being saddled with a car payment. They see that truck as having a small monetary value, I saw it as my transportation to and from work, worth much more than a couple thousand dollars. Since my transportation was destroyed, I've had to buy another car, am now paying full coverage insurance for it, and our plans to buy a home have been put off at least 4 months beyond our original goal, that's if we can even get financed with these car payments. That's just my tough luck I guess.

All they had to do was own up to it, pay for my truck, and post accident care, and my troubles but since they have dicked around so much, I had to get an attorney to deal with them, I don't have the knowledge or the time to deal with two bickering insurance companies, now they must pay him as well. I don't know when, if ever this thing will be resolved. I'm doing the best I can.

Follow Your Bliss

Right Off A Cliff.

The other day this fellow and I were having a friendly discussion about gas prices, and I made a statement to the effect that perhaps people who wanted to stand in the way of oil production should stop driving and leave the rest of us alone. A bystander piped up with, "well, the people who don't want the drilling have given up their cars, and most of them ride bikes, and I'm going to get rid of my car just as soon as I can..."

To which I succinctly replied, "well, I'm not giving up my car, and I don't have to." Oh but there was so much more I wanted to say. First, I wanted to call bullshit. This person actually commutes 70 miles each way, to and from work, a fact which I politely did not point out. I drive less than 10 miles each way. Who is the greedy one? Who is the hypocrite? I'm not suggesting anyone else should give up their transportation and ride bikes for a start. We should all give up driving our gas guzzlers because 5 of these people actually stood on their own laurels and gave up their car? They don't want to give up their cars, they've got plenty of reasons why you should though, but their lives and well being and circumstances are so much more important than yours are.

The person did have a point though, she said, "well, most of them live in big cities where they can use public transport, or ride bikes to work..." Again, it would have been just too easy to smear her nose in it in much the same way that one would do to a puppy who just pee'd on the floor. So, we should all just up and move to New York city I guess. We can all live in an urban area, yeah, everyone can do that. We don't need farms, or rural communities, and we most certainly don't need those snotty suburbs where all the heterosexual s.u.v. drivers live. We can grow tomatoes and green beans on our balconeys, we can heat our studio apartments in the winter with the heat given off from the compost heap in our living room.

Just where does she think the veggies she worships come from? Does she think that people living in Manhattan board some train and head out of town to work in fields?

Right now we need oil, we need gas, plain and simple. This country has it's own oil and gas, now I'm not necessarily opposed to buying someone else's, however if we were to depend on our own, we would be doing our part as my dad says, to put those sheiks back on the camels. We have our own, and we need to gather it and refine it for use. Sure, I think we should conserve, preserve, and use resources wisely, that's only smart, that does not preclude our needs.

Seriously, I can't imagine what would happen if the oil and gas just stopped. How many people use gas to heat their homes in the winter? I'm sure it would impact us in ways no one could even imagine. Now, I realize your average hippy doesn't take showers as often as everyone else, but I'm sure, even when they do, they, like the French, want their weekly shower to be with hot water.

Who are these people? Really? I don't see any bike riding commuters around here. Something smells funny. The hypocrisy is outrageous. This is a classic case of what's good for the goose is not good for the gander. Do as I say, and not as I do.

Release the frickin' oil and gas already.

My inspiration today.