That's So Passive Aggressive!

My brother found this passive aggressive note. It cracked us up. See also PassiveaggressiveNotes for more humorous notes.

Update: It seems there are tons of these signs out there, who would have thought? Posted just one day after this over at PassiveaggressiveNotes are tons of signs saying the exact same thing.

Things The Baby Has Chewed On This Week

I have no life.

We're still in the honeymoon phase with the new baby. Sure, I get tired of my living room looking like a playground with various chew toys strewn about, but the pleasure exceeds the inconvenience so we deal with it.

He's just so darn fluffy and cute, there was no way I could get mad at him today when he managed to go outside with a pair of my daughter's undies in his ferocious razor sharp baby teeth. He proceeded to carry them to and fro around the back yard, until I went to call him in and noticed he was carrying them around. It was a little embarrassing, but I thought the chances of someone actually noticing the little fur ball with the underpants was pretty slim, but to be on the safe side, I made my daughter run out and get them right away anyway. It's best we not let the little guy parade our unmentionables in such an unruly manner in front of the neighbors.

So far he has managed to kill the hedgehog puppet, a rabbit fur, and a phone cord. He has also taken ownership of a stray flip flop, and anything and everything he can find that will fit in his tiny mouth. I ask how he finds all of this stuff, but it seems a mystery to all at this point. Frankly, I blame my daughter, she's really good at leaving stuff laying about, but then again, she probably gets that trait from me, and I from my mother and so on, and it all boils down to it being the fault of my long lost great grandparents, who were first cousins and therefore not very great genetic candidates for breeding responsible and normal people.

He has been proving himself to be quite a sneaky and foxy little thing after all. He has tried on many occasion to take over the big dog bowl of food, he has his own little dog bowl with puppy food in it, but he prefers to eat from the big bowl which doesn't bode well at times with the big guys and sometimes there is gruffing and complaining, but it mostly comes from the little one trying to take over the bowl when the big dogs are eating. He has figured out that I hide the bag of dog food behind the bench of the nook, and he has also, through sound and logical research, realized that if he jumps on that bag when our big boy dog is at the bowl, the sound of the bag crunching startles him and he leaves the bowl.

I can't help but be entertained by this, and when I told my husband about it he looked at me as if I had just said, "Our dogs know how to read." He took a very skeptical position right away, until we sat at the table and it happened, and I said, "There, did you see that?" Yes, sure he did, but one incident did not prove anything to him, and so the pup as if knowing somehow, went and did it again, and then my husband said, "Oh my gosh, he's smart!" And then we felt very proud.

They grow up so fast!

What Have They Done?

Strange Vegetables.

My friend bought these at produce stand at the flea market, she gave me two of them. I've never seen cucumbers like this before, I'm quite perplexed, and a bit afraid to eat them.

I Can't Take It

Just Too Cute.




Found at Cuteoverload where else?

I Clicked

I'm Here.

I will write something.

First, homeschooling. Despite meeting much resistance by a certain spoiled 12 year old, I have managed to pull the energy from my already tapped reserves to persevere and push on. She is trying really hard to break me down. She is pulling out all of the stops, and is not trying to make this easy on me at all. She doesn't want to do the work. She doesn't see the importance of it, and yet, I see her having success. For example, she can look at a globe of our planet and point out the 7 continents, she can name the four oceans, and knows which direction is east west north south, and can even name interesting features of each continent. For example, she is familiar with the Great Plains of North America, and the Rainforests of South America.

It doesn't sound like much, but I see it as a major accomplishment for her, and myself. It is something that causes me to say, "Hey, you might not think you are learning anything, but look at what you know!" I wish I could say it inspires her to want to learn more, and sometimes it does, but most of the time I have to really work hard to get her to participate. Despite that, we are learning about matter now in science. She hasn't mastered this concept, but she is getting there, and I'm surprised at how much I had forgotten of basic concepts, but it has been fun learning.

We are progressing although I think it is much harder on me than her. She is really trying to get out of this work, and is not making it easy on me at all. I have cried many tears over this. I keep working on it, on her. I know she can do this, but she doesn't believe me, yet.

Second, the roses. I cut down my beautiful rose bushes yesterday. The temperatures are more like fall now, and they were really starting to wilt. I have never had rose bushes, so I am not even sure if I did it right. I hoped as I cut them down that they would come back next year with as much glory as they had this summer. I will be disappointed if I inadvertently killed them, or ruined them.

I'm lazy, so instead of raking all of the leaves that covered my front yard, I got out the lawn mower and took off. I felt sort of stupid mowing the lawn when it didn't need it, but it sure did clean up those leaves. After I mowed I watered the yard so that all of the cut up leaves would sink in a provide nourishment to the grass. My dad says our climate is too dry for this to work, but I did it anyway, thinking, I will just water really good, and besides it looks a whole lot better. It's a little trick my uncle in Missouri taught me, "don't rake, mulch instead!" is his motto, and I think it just works for me.

I noticed my neighbor watching me out there, and I thought, he probably thinks I am an idiot, but I noticed later he went out with his mower and did the same thing, so maybe I inspired him, and I'm not so dumb afterall.

Next, the puppy is still bringing much joy to our household. My goodness! What a little character he is. He's been into all sorts of trouble, and he completely ignores his name. He doesn't like being called Pumpkin, so we pretty much just call him "Puppy Power" most of the time, and he answers to that. He really likes people food, and knows how to beg already, but he knew that before he came to live here, he's been doing that since day one.

The girl dog developed a case of hives, and her face swelled up. I was quite worried about her, but my sister told me we could give her Benadryl, and after two doses she was all better, and it saved me an expensive trip to the emergency vet. I've never seen a dog have an allergic reaction like that before. I decided that if she didn't show any signs of relief the next morning, I would take her in, but luckily she got all better over night.

And, my dad was supposed to retire this month, but when I asked my mom about it the other day she told me they offered him a very generous raise, and he said he couldn't turn it down, so he will be working longer. I don't know when he plans to retire now. He works so hard. He always has, since he was a young child working on his grandfather's two farms, he has always just worked and worked. There isn't anything he wouldn't do for his loved ones. If I asked him to come and mow my lawn every week, he would do it, of course I would never do that. As it is right now, he spends quite a great deal of his free time mowing the enormous yard that surrounds his church, with winter coming he will have a reprieve from that, but I'm sure there will be other things that need tending to.

This post is getting long, so I will close for now. People always tell me my posts are too long. I think they are right. I have not mastered the short concise snippet thing that so many others seem to be good at. I'm just too long winded for my own good I guess.

Another Year

Getting Older.

And fatter, but we don't want to talk about that. I had a birthday recently. I'm 37 years old now. I don't really know if I feel my age or not. Most of the time I think I don't. I remember when my mom was my age. She was getting ready to have my brother if I recall correctly. She worked hard as a nurse, and I used to hate it when she went to work. At the time we were living in a less than savory neighborhood in a little 3 bedroom/1 bath rental house.

Around that time our landlord announced that the house was to be painted. He had our house painted green apple. Bright green apple. I don't know if that was the actual name of the color used, but it was the same color as the green apple gum I liked to chew, so I immediately made the connection. I remember my parents saying, "He must have been drunk when he picked out that color!" I had overheard them talking about how he does like to spend a great deal of time in a little dive bar, he had even taken them to lunch at the little bar, and of course my parents were a little appalled at his choice of "restaurant" when he offered to take them to lunch.

That was the year that my wonderful, and pretty 2nd grade teacher started visiting our homes. Every week she would schedule a time to go and visit with the families of her students. When it came our turn, I was very excited. The day before my mom and I spent time tidying up the house, and vacuuming up the white Gidget hairs that we usually ignored unless company was coming. Gidget was our labradoodle. I'm pretty sure that is what she was, although she was a labradoodle before they were even called that and considered cool. She had long hair, and it seemed to fall off in clumps sometimes, at least it really showed up on the 70's olive green carpet we had.

Anyway, I rode home from school with my teacher so I could show her where we lived. When we pulled up to the house I was suddenly embarrassed by the apple green paint our landlord had chosen. I told her, "We just got our house painted, but the landlord was drunk when he picked out the color!" I remember she laughed at that, but I didn't know why, I was being serious. I thought she would be just appalled as I was to think of a man being drunk while shopping for paint colors.

The visit went well as I can remember. I showed her my room, and my dad's desk which was part of my room at the time. She visited with my mom some and left shortly after that.

At the end of the school year we moved. My parent's had bought a house in a completely different neighborhood. It was huge in comparison to our little rental house with 6 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms. They still live in that house, it is still a big house to me. The other night I sat at my mom's kitchen table and told her "I remember when you were my age mom, and it wasn't that long ago, life sure does go fast!"

"Oh, I know," she said, "and it goes faster as you get older." I felt a bit sad to think about it. My parents are getting older, both turning 66 this year. I see them having more difficulty with some tasks that used to be so easy for them. I'm ashamed that sometimes I wish my daughter would grow up, and I look forward to a different time in life where I have less burdens. I know it is wrong to feel that way, and I don't really mean it. Sometimes parenting is not a rewarding, and joyful experience, sometimes it it just damn hard work. Lately it has been challenging to say the least.

Having hard times does not change how much I love her, as I'm sure it didn't for my mother either, but your kids can tug on your heart strings in ways no one who isn't a parent can even imagine. I'm serious. For some people parenting is a breeze, their children just do everything right, and are so agreeable. That sure hasn't been my experience lately, but I know this will pass in time, and I will be cursing myself for ever wanting her to grow up faster. I know it.

I just pray to God that I live long enough to see her to independence, able to stand on her own two feet and with the ability to survive in this world with dignity, and honor. I guess in that it would be all worth it. That is the reward in parenting. My tears will no longer be of frustration, but of joy when that happens.

We will see how I feel next year. Hugs.

Da Funk

Where I've Been.

I am so sorry for not posting anything lately. It is not that I haven't thought about it, it is more that I've just been in a sort of funk lately. My posting now is not a sign that the malaise is gone, just that my friend, the bossy one that reminds me of Peppermint Patty that I call, "sir" basically told me she is sick and tired of coming to this page and finding nothing and that I should post something soon. She went on to remind me lest I had forgotten that I had not posted anything since October 3.

She knows I've been in a cruddy mood lately, and she's been patiently waiting for my blues to pass. Her mood hasn't been all that great lately either, but that's just because since she has been driving her dad's van while her Dodge is in the shop having major repairs she's gone all stressed out career/soccer mom on me. She's doing the supermom thing and I applaud her for that. I drove to McDonalds today for lunch, I was wearing my orange pajama bottoms and a white tee-shirt, with NO BRA, I did at least put shoes on.

I was extremely frustrated that I had to sit at a few traffic lights because all I wanted to do was get home, and back to my HGTV and Fox News. After I ate I marched myself upstairs and went straight to bed. I slept with my husband's shirt snuggled against my face and was quite content until my daughter showed up and started laughing at me for cuddling with her dad's shirt. I told her I miss him and leave me alone with the shirt so I can continue my nap in peace, but she started tugging at the shirt which soon led to a wrestling match in which I exclaimed, "Why can't you just leave me alone with daddy's shirt, I just want to hold it!" Which made her laugh and tug even more until finally I got out of bed and she forgot the shirt.

Then I quietly took the shirt back to bed where I snuggled with it again and slept just a little while longer until some screaming brats outside woke me up for good. I needed to get up anyway.

I feel like I wasted the whole day, but I am starting to perk up some now. I hope the funk has passed. I don't know what the source of it was, and I wouldn't want to talk about it anyway. I think it is the weather changing, I haven't been spending as much time outside.

All right, probably a disappointing post, but at least a post at this point.

Video of Woman Repeatedly Tased

Quite Disturbing.



This is appalling. I can't believe that fat SADISTIC bastard is on paid leave. I cannot believe he was not fired immediately, and charged with assault. That fat fuck needs to be tased and kicked in the ass repeatedly so he can see what his victim experienced, and it should be by a person at least twice his size, if we can find anyone that big.

What I see too often in these types of videos is how the cops are taking extra shots at people even after they are subdued. It's like they get some perverse and sadistic enjoyment out of tasing people.

To Post Or Not To Post

Or Take A Nap?

And there is one more option, I could clean house, but we all know how I feel about that sort of thing. Then again, I do like a clean house even if mine never is. The kiddo went to visit relatives for a week, she has never really been away from home much, and she called me the first night, last night, bawling. She told me she missed me and she loved me, and wanted me to come get her. Of course, I can't really do that right now, so I calmly told her to get a grip, and take it one day at a time.

This may sound cruel, but I think we both needed this time apart. She is with me practically 24/7 and some days that is too much for both of us. She called me this morning and she is doing fine. She is much happier, and feeling better. I was not really worried, I knew she would be fine, and that they will take good care of her. She wanted to go, and was beyond excited when the opportunity came up. It is only for a week anyway. Anyway, she is all right now, and there is the added bonus that we both get to actually miss each other for a few days which any parent of a pre-teen knows is a good thing.

Now, I sit here with what feels like an enormous chunk of free time on my hands, and I practically don't know what to do with myself. Yesterday after she left, I thought, "So this is what it feels like not to have kids around." I felt totally free. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change having a kid for anything, but as we approach the empty nest, I couldn't help but envision a life where I am able to do pretty much whatever I want with my free time. It was sort of a selfish revelation, that some day I won't make all of my decisions based on having a child at home. It was a strange feeling, and so I went and took a two hour nap to ponder it.

When I got up, I didn't even think about dinner. I knew I could eat whatever was in the kitchen, and I would not hear any complaints about it. I ended up going to my mom's and eating a baked potato. I came home, and walked around my silent house, and didn't so much as glance at the t.v. It remained off. I blogged, and talked on the phone, and then read my book until my eyes were so heavy I couldn't stay awake another minute. I was going to clean, but then I thought, who cares? I picked up a few things, and pretty much left the rest.

I want to get the house all clean because it will be so nice to have a clean house all to myself, but I'm torn between walking around in silence, and actually doing something productive, and so I've been reading blogs all morning instead. This is great. I can deal with this for a week. I'll be glad for her to be home, but right now I just enjoying this quiet messy paradise. I should clean the house, but I will probably take a nap instead.

Underwear Chewer Extraordinaire

What Is It With The Underpants?

Don't answer that. I think we all know, and we don't need to say a word about it. These things should never be spoken about, only contemplated silently. I'm a little concerned about my baby's uncanny knack to find pre-worn underwears--we won't say dirty as that is a little harsh--and drag them out into the living room. Just a side note, from here on out we will be referring to the puppy as "the baby" please allow me this eccentricity, (I think that is a word, if not it is now) and go along with this strange request, all righty? Thanks. I'm only drinking sweet tea here folks. Just tea.

Anyway, it is a little embarrassing when the whole family, including the extended family, is sitting around watching movies on the huge couch, and the baby comes barreling down the stairs with a freshly worn pair of under pants on his head. Ah hahaha it's so funny, unless it's your underwear the baby is dragging around and trying to kill by shaking them violently back and forth while he clenches them with all of his might with his tiny razor sharp baby teeth. For privacy sake we will not say exactly whose underwear were on display, but lets just say that her sister of course had to remind her of the time that she (the sister) tacked all of her underwear to the ceiling in her room while she was away at a slumber party.

Not only did she do that, but this prankster sister also stuck a gigantic maxi pad in this same innocent person's back pack hoping that it would fall out at the slumber party and embarrass the poor girl half to death. It was the age you see. This same sister laughed her butt off when the poor girl told her she found the maxi pad and was so embarrassed that she threw it behind her friend's washing machine just so the other girls would not see it, and only confessed to the friend years later when getting a period wasn't such an embarrassing fact of life, and she and the friend laughed their asses off about it later.

So, of course the sister of the person whose underwear was being dragged around shamelessly by the baby found it quite amusing because that is how she is. The husband of this person just put his hand over his mouth and tried not to laugh. He is always fussing and saying that this person leaves her undies laying around, which is completely not true, but he keeps saying it. He is only saying it because she made fun of him one time because she noticed that the cats keep dragging his boxer briefs into the cat box, along with his socks.

The baby has amassed quite a pile of various household items to include undies, stuffed animals, stray socks, leashes, and the real chew toys. His favorite by far is this monster. He likes to get the monster and kill it. It has eyes that rattle so I think it makes it seem more like the monster is fighting back. He really likes the monster, and underwear, but we don't talk about that.

The Girl Dog Assistant Blogger

She Likes To Sit At The Kitchen Table With Me.

And I let her. What kind of example am I setting here? It's too late now. She's already become accustomed to having things her way. We do at least make her get down if we are going to eat, so we are not totally trashy all right? I mean what's is so wrong about letting the dog sit at the kitchen table if she wants to? Huh? Tell me.

It sort of cracks me up because my father in law doesn't like animals all that much, and the last time he came to visit we sat down at the kitchen table, and here she comes up on the seat next to him and just sitting there. The look on his face was priceless. Really. I know he wanted to say something, but he didn't. So, I made her get down, and she went and put her paws on his legs and tried to give him kisses, which I could tell annoyed him because as I said, he is not much of an animal person. Instead of letting him dangle there, as much as I get a kick out of that, I put her outside, and of course she and the other one started barking like fools out there. Great. I can't win.

Look, my great-aunt Ducky used to say, "There is something wrong with people that don't like animals and children" and I think she was right. What is it about animals that they have this uncanny knack of picking out the one person in the room that does not like them? I mean really.

The Clock Is Ticking

These Eggs Aren't Getting Any Younger.

The puppy coming to live with us has brought out some strange feelings in me. I find myself treating the puppy like a baby, and well, he is a baby, just not of the human variety. I thought my sister was certifiable a few years ago when she told me she wanted to have a baby, and had even thought about going to a sperm bank. Not that wanting to have a baby makes one crazy, or that even going to a sperm bank does either, but that her daughter was 16 years old, and well, why start all over again, plus, I know some people wait to have children later in life, but I never really thought that was ideal for most people.

And so, upon the advice of a close and trusted confidante my sister went out and got a puppy instead. She said it completely took away her urge to have another baby. I thought she was sort of wacko at the time, especially since she got herself a boxer puppy. The puppy went on to slowly chew up an entire couch. She spent 40 hours a week working to bring home fresh chew toys, and he systematically destroyed as much furniture as possible in the process. Not exactly a win win if you ask me, but she is happy with the dog. Who am I to judge?

Well, I can somewhat understand that feeling now although I didn't need a couch eater to set me straight with my own biological time clock, but I do sort of have a strong nurturing feeling while cuddling my little poopy butt pup. He doesn't really have a poopy rear end, but I would totally put a diaper on him if he had that problem, that's how much I feel the need to take care of the baby. He is a baby, completely and totally, and something about that is so wonderful for me.

I told my husband the other day that he is the second child that I never got to have, and of course he looked at me like I was completely bonkers. I said, "You just don't understand, I just like to hold him and cuddle him, and love him because I never got to have that second baby, and now it is too late. And I'm okay with it, but one of us needs to take measures to make sure that we don't have any surprises that we weren't expecting." And then he agreed that I should do that.

I just looked at him because I knew he was yanking my chain, and I said, all right, I'll go get my tubes tied then, and he said, that he would go get his stuff done so I don't have to. I think he was dreading me showing him my c-section scar as a reminder of what I went through to have the one child we do have. It is a particularly hideous scar, not the horizontal kind, but the vertical kind which was out of date even when I had my c-section, but I guess my doctor was also out of date as well. I'm just glad I lived, I mean I did give birth in a military hospital afterall, I'm lucky to be alive even if I do bear a hideous scar. And of course my extremely compassionate Dr. said, "well, you aren't exactly the type to wear a bikini now are you?" Well, I certainly can't now even if I was, but I'm not any way, and really the scar has never bothered me all that much, except the first few years when it was very sensitive.

This puppy has confirmed a few things for us: my sister and I are kooks who think a puppy can fix the desire to have children--and we are right, I love baby talking the puppy, and my husband and I realized we don't really want any more children, and one of us is going to get fixed here real soon, and I've got a hideous scar that provides me a great deal of leverage in that decision, but I would just like to say here and now, I will do it if he decides the idea of getting snipped is too much for him. I know it is an easier procedure for men, but still, I hate the idea of him being in pain at all, but I'm sure some good drugs would be involved, so it probably won't be too bad.

First Thing's First

Get A Load Of This.

All right, a few moments before this picture was taken, he was had completely flipped over his little "house" there and was walking around with it on him completely blind. It was hilarious watching him scuttle around with his house on his head. Adorable. Puppy Power!!!