And I Need Some Sunshine.
Predictably my house is a mess. I'm off today and have a ton of things to get done. I like the house all nice and sparkling clean when hubby gets home, this is usually accomplished about half the time, but I keep trying. I'm just not a good housewife, and that's why I'm not one. When I was younger, I lived to clean the house, and pick up other people's things, but lately, I just can't muster the interest in it. So much disrespect of my efforts has led me to basically give up and I think seasonal depression has added to the problem.
Maybe it's not seasonal depression, but it sure does sound like a good excuse for my slovenly ways. I do miss sunshine, well actually, we've had some of that, but it's just a tad too crisp for me still. I need some warmth, the kind that comes from being outside on a beautiful spring day surrounded by green. Green is such a lovely color. I can barely stand to look at the ugly brown deadness that surrounds me any longer. Dead lawns are so darn ugly. I yearn for spring deep down in my soul. I can't stand this dry, dusty climate much longer.
So that's what's on the agenda today: Get my ducks in a row. Last week was stressful, I had a lot of stupid mundane tasks demanded of me. A lot of pending crap that needed done. I felt resentful about it. I needed to do some stuff with our taxes and the printer decided to gorge itself on paper, and is no longer able to function. !!! This really made me angry as I had gone out of my way to get the black ink it was screaming for, at almost $30, and it printed about a fourth of what I needed then crapped out on me.
I'm look over at it now with the paper feed light still blinking from 5 days ago, and I seethe. There is a piece of paper tangled up so deep within the thing, I can't think of a single instrument I could use to remove it, although a sledge hammer has come to mind more than once. Blasted thing.
So now I wait for hubby to come home and fix the problem. The reason I have decided to unload this burden on him is I have a nagging suspicion that he has a brand new printer boxed up somewhere in that hell hole we call a "garage", and that he will come riding in on his white steed and get it out and hook it all up for me. Either that or he will summon some manly tool that will delicately remove the tangled paper, and the printer of my loathing will miraculously work again, and I will no longer hate the thing.
And if all else fails, I'm buying a new one, and it's going to have a scanner too because I secretly want to scan old photos of people and post them on this blog. I've got some good ones too!
So there it is. Now, I've got to get a move on, this house isn't going to clean itself.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Guess What
Guess Who?
Guess who will be turning 13 in the near future? I'm really excited about this. That's right, I'm about to become the mom of a teen ager! Hehe. Well, I think it's exciting, but she's still very much my baby girl. I think we are going to have a lot of fun. People always say, "Oh just wait until your kid reaches this age..." but I'm not really dreading it. I'm happy about it. I have no reason to believe she is going to be a terror. I've known lots of teen agers who were nothing like the hairy sweaty werewolf in disguise monsters I've heard them described as. Besides, I think she knows I would kick her butt if she got too far out of line.
Oh boy.
Guess who will be turning 13 in the near future? I'm really excited about this. That's right, I'm about to become the mom of a teen ager! Hehe. Well, I think it's exciting, but she's still very much my baby girl. I think we are going to have a lot of fun. People always say, "Oh just wait until your kid reaches this age..." but I'm not really dreading it. I'm happy about it. I have no reason to believe she is going to be a terror. I've known lots of teen agers who were nothing like the hairy sweaty werewolf in disguise monsters I've heard them described as. Besides, I think she knows I would kick her butt if she got too far out of line.
Oh boy.
I've Missed You
Dear Blog...
I know I've been the worst sort of blogger, you know, the kind that doesn't actually blog. I think I ran out of steam a while back, and couldn't gather the focus I needed to put anything down. BUT, I haven't given up completely. Anyway, I don't have some goal to meet here, it's just an outlet I enjoy. I love reading other people's blogs, and at the very least I do that as often as possible. Other people are so much more interesting anyway.
Today I will revisit and update some topics that I've been discussing here over the last few months. This might be incredibly boring, but you know what they say, art mimics life. Whatever! I guess I'm saying my life is boring, let's just say, it is pretty stable, and not all that exciting which can be a good thing.
1. I gave up homeschooling. I know, I know, I'm disappointed in me too, but I think I waited too long and just could not get her into it as much as I would have liked. I decided to put her back in school in January, and honestly, we are both so much happier. Everything is going to be all right. It was a big decision, but overall I think things are much better, the time we did spend with it has helped rebuild her confidence in herself, and I think she is doing so much better. The kid was miserable with homeschooling, she really wanted to be around other kids. Of course we let her have friends over and things, but it just wasn't enough.
2. My snotty neighbors who hate my dogs have been out of town for a couple of months now, since before Christmas. I imagine they are overseas since she is from Germany, I don't really care though, I'm just glad they aren't around to scorn us, and stare all the time. It's been kinda nice not having them around. We really need to get a privacy fence put up, I'm a complete idiot about these kinds of things, and my husband does not see it as important, so I don't know when that will happen. I can't really afford to have someone else do the work, so I guess I will wait until someone feels like helping with it.
3. Our family is still feeling the loss of my uncle passing in November. We miss him so much. Sometimes I think about it and say to myself, "I can't believe he's gone", but I know he is. It's been really hard for his wife. He was only 54. He really was a special person. I did not realize how many people's lives he touched. So many people were there. He was a police officer in a small town, he worked his way up to Captain of the department. Several people said that he helped them turn away from trouble and straighten up their lives. He did that just by offering advice and kind words. It all surprised me because he was such a private person, and yet so many people felt they knew him so well.
Everyone in town knew where he lived. I always thought that he should worry, that perhaps some criminal would try to bother him at home, but no one did. My dad said, "even the bad guys liked him" and it wasn't because he gave them a pass, it was because he had a way of talking people out of being idiots. In fact, he was known as a great negotiator, and could talk a crazy person out of jumping off the courthouse. There was a calmness about him even though he had his own demons. Anyway, a lot of people miss him.
4. Now that the kiddo is in school again, I've been really trying to decide what to do with all of this free time I have. I know I've got plenty of chores around the house to do, but that's not the point, I can do that stuff any time. I've practically been obsessing about what I should do. Should I go back to school? I only stopped going because I wanted to give her a shot at homeschool. Should I just give up my wild fantasies about being some powersuit wearing careerwoman and just go back to work full-time and make as much money as I can. I wouldn't make bad money working full-time, but I wouldn't be very useful the rest of the time because I'd be running hither and thither all the time and being tired from getting my ass physically kicked at work.
I mentioned going back to work full-time to my husband, and he sorta frowned. I think he likes me being off more when he is home. I hesitate because I don't want to give up that time with him. Right now I work in a trade, i.e. I went to a tradeschool to learn this. I could go to another tradeschool and learn other things that compliment what I'm doing here, and then go back to full-time next year or so. That's the other option. My work has been very slow right now, and that has made me feel insecure with the field I am in. I think it has a lot to do with the economy, and that people will start indulging more once they start feeling more secure again.
You know when people start feeling tight with money, the first thing that goes is the five dollar cup of coffee, essentially what I do is equivalent to that, although not the same thing of course, I'm not a barista, I'm just making a comparison. I've got a lot of decisions to make about that situation.
If I was to do what I really want to do, that would mean going back to college again. I did that, and it was very frustrating working, mothering, wifing, and schooling, but I was doing quite well in my classes. I really got annoyed with my philosophy instructor who used the opportunity to teach us as head game time. I guess 18 year olds have more time for that type of thing, they have a little more time on their side to repeat a course if necessary. I'm 37, I had no trouble with the material, I was good on that, it's just he kept screwing with our heads so much I couldn't take it. I ended up dropping the course and losing the money I paid for it.
The courses droned on and on, taking 16 weeks to complete. As a part-time student, taking one or two courses that pace was way too slow for me. I got the feeling I would never get done with school. I think that has to do with the age thing. I need to find a program that is faster paced than that, I did find one, it costs 4 times the amount of money as the public institutions. I couldn't afford it.
Money is an issue in this equation as well. I have to come up with tuition and books, and with my work being so slow, we've had to tighten up quite a bit. Even if I was to quit my job and throw myself into school, I don't think we could afford that. We need that bit I am bringing in to stay in balance financially. There are always new tires, or something that's needed. With him commuting the way he does, working out of state, we just can't run paycheck to paycheck the way we could if he was driving 10 miles to work at home, but the money he makes is so good it is worth it to drive that far.
We could move, but none of us wants to do that. I've offered many times to move up there, but he doesn't want to. We probably should move, but we've bought a house here, and the market is not good to sell it, we don't have enough equity in it yet, and renting the house out at the price of our mortgage is unlikely. Houses rent around here for about $900, our mortgage is $1100. And moving would mean having our daughter change school again. Neither of us wants her to have to do that. And it would mean leaving my job, and the possibility that my income wouldn't be as easily replaced up there.
But you know what, it may sound like it, but I am not all worried about all of this. I know the answer will appear in time. I'm just thinking about things, eventually the mystery will unravel and I will know what to do.
5. In case any one was wondering the puppy is getting to be a big boy. He's naughty a lot of the time, and sweet all the time. I just had to yell at him to get out of the cat box, he was actually standing in there digging around for a morsel. The cats are sitting on a table staring down at him like he is some alien life force. They pretty much hate him. He is small enough to get under my bed which is their favorite hiding place. He has been a lot of fun, and he really knows how to charm, and beg.
This post is too long. I'm ending it here. Have a wonderful day.
I know I've been the worst sort of blogger, you know, the kind that doesn't actually blog. I think I ran out of steam a while back, and couldn't gather the focus I needed to put anything down. BUT, I haven't given up completely. Anyway, I don't have some goal to meet here, it's just an outlet I enjoy. I love reading other people's blogs, and at the very least I do that as often as possible. Other people are so much more interesting anyway.
Today I will revisit and update some topics that I've been discussing here over the last few months. This might be incredibly boring, but you know what they say, art mimics life. Whatever! I guess I'm saying my life is boring, let's just say, it is pretty stable, and not all that exciting which can be a good thing.
1. I gave up homeschooling. I know, I know, I'm disappointed in me too, but I think I waited too long and just could not get her into it as much as I would have liked. I decided to put her back in school in January, and honestly, we are both so much happier. Everything is going to be all right. It was a big decision, but overall I think things are much better, the time we did spend with it has helped rebuild her confidence in herself, and I think she is doing so much better. The kid was miserable with homeschooling, she really wanted to be around other kids. Of course we let her have friends over and things, but it just wasn't enough.
2. My snotty neighbors who hate my dogs have been out of town for a couple of months now, since before Christmas. I imagine they are overseas since she is from Germany, I don't really care though, I'm just glad they aren't around to scorn us, and stare all the time. It's been kinda nice not having them around. We really need to get a privacy fence put up, I'm a complete idiot about these kinds of things, and my husband does not see it as important, so I don't know when that will happen. I can't really afford to have someone else do the work, so I guess I will wait until someone feels like helping with it.
3. Our family is still feeling the loss of my uncle passing in November. We miss him so much. Sometimes I think about it and say to myself, "I can't believe he's gone", but I know he is. It's been really hard for his wife. He was only 54. He really was a special person. I did not realize how many people's lives he touched. So many people were there. He was a police officer in a small town, he worked his way up to Captain of the department. Several people said that he helped them turn away from trouble and straighten up their lives. He did that just by offering advice and kind words. It all surprised me because he was such a private person, and yet so many people felt they knew him so well.
Everyone in town knew where he lived. I always thought that he should worry, that perhaps some criminal would try to bother him at home, but no one did. My dad said, "even the bad guys liked him" and it wasn't because he gave them a pass, it was because he had a way of talking people out of being idiots. In fact, he was known as a great negotiator, and could talk a crazy person out of jumping off the courthouse. There was a calmness about him even though he had his own demons. Anyway, a lot of people miss him.
4. Now that the kiddo is in school again, I've been really trying to decide what to do with all of this free time I have. I know I've got plenty of chores around the house to do, but that's not the point, I can do that stuff any time. I've practically been obsessing about what I should do. Should I go back to school? I only stopped going because I wanted to give her a shot at homeschool. Should I just give up my wild fantasies about being some powersuit wearing careerwoman and just go back to work full-time and make as much money as I can. I wouldn't make bad money working full-time, but I wouldn't be very useful the rest of the time because I'd be running hither and thither all the time and being tired from getting my ass physically kicked at work.
I mentioned going back to work full-time to my husband, and he sorta frowned. I think he likes me being off more when he is home. I hesitate because I don't want to give up that time with him. Right now I work in a trade, i.e. I went to a tradeschool to learn this. I could go to another tradeschool and learn other things that compliment what I'm doing here, and then go back to full-time next year or so. That's the other option. My work has been very slow right now, and that has made me feel insecure with the field I am in. I think it has a lot to do with the economy, and that people will start indulging more once they start feeling more secure again.
You know when people start feeling tight with money, the first thing that goes is the five dollar cup of coffee, essentially what I do is equivalent to that, although not the same thing of course, I'm not a barista, I'm just making a comparison. I've got a lot of decisions to make about that situation.
If I was to do what I really want to do, that would mean going back to college again. I did that, and it was very frustrating working, mothering, wifing, and schooling, but I was doing quite well in my classes. I really got annoyed with my philosophy instructor who used the opportunity to teach us as head game time. I guess 18 year olds have more time for that type of thing, they have a little more time on their side to repeat a course if necessary. I'm 37, I had no trouble with the material, I was good on that, it's just he kept screwing with our heads so much I couldn't take it. I ended up dropping the course and losing the money I paid for it.
The courses droned on and on, taking 16 weeks to complete. As a part-time student, taking one or two courses that pace was way too slow for me. I got the feeling I would never get done with school. I think that has to do with the age thing. I need to find a program that is faster paced than that, I did find one, it costs 4 times the amount of money as the public institutions. I couldn't afford it.
Money is an issue in this equation as well. I have to come up with tuition and books, and with my work being so slow, we've had to tighten up quite a bit. Even if I was to quit my job and throw myself into school, I don't think we could afford that. We need that bit I am bringing in to stay in balance financially. There are always new tires, or something that's needed. With him commuting the way he does, working out of state, we just can't run paycheck to paycheck the way we could if he was driving 10 miles to work at home, but the money he makes is so good it is worth it to drive that far.
We could move, but none of us wants to do that. I've offered many times to move up there, but he doesn't want to. We probably should move, but we've bought a house here, and the market is not good to sell it, we don't have enough equity in it yet, and renting the house out at the price of our mortgage is unlikely. Houses rent around here for about $900, our mortgage is $1100. And moving would mean having our daughter change school again. Neither of us wants her to have to do that. And it would mean leaving my job, and the possibility that my income wouldn't be as easily replaced up there.
But you know what, it may sound like it, but I am not all worried about all of this. I know the answer will appear in time. I'm just thinking about things, eventually the mystery will unravel and I will know what to do.
5. In case any one was wondering the puppy is getting to be a big boy. He's naughty a lot of the time, and sweet all the time. I just had to yell at him to get out of the cat box, he was actually standing in there digging around for a morsel. The cats are sitting on a table staring down at him like he is some alien life force. They pretty much hate him. He is small enough to get under my bed which is their favorite hiding place. He has been a lot of fun, and he really knows how to charm, and beg.
This post is too long. I'm ending it here. Have a wonderful day.
Friday, February 15, 2008
One Day
At The Wal-Mart Store.
I finally managed to get my sister out to the store, she hates going places with big crowds, but never the less I somehow conned her into going to the wal-mart with me. Mind you, it never fails that we end up there on Friday evening and when we get into the parking lot one of us always says, "Where the heck did all of these people come from?!?" Of course, Friday's being a popular pay day among many employers pretty much guarantees that all of creation will be out trying to get something decent for dinner, a new pillow, or some shampoo.
So there we were walking past the bra/underwear/lingerie/pajama section, and it being close to Valentine's Day and all there were several fancy little lingerie numbers strategically placed as to remind women that they need to get some new fancy underwears. I pointed one out, and predictably suggested that my sister not forget to get her new dealy do, and then I said, "Hey, remember when mom bought that really skanky lingerie at K-Mart, and how shocked we were, but we had to pretend like we didn't see it?"
My sister laughed really hard because she remembered the piece, it was a red baby doll type thing with lots and lots of fringes, mom just picked it up all non-chalant and put it in the basket, and gave us a "I dare you to make one comment out of line" look.
Remembering the moment vividly my sister said, "I can't believe mom bought that!" And without thinking anything of it I said, "yeah, she had a whole bunch of different lingerie and see through night gowns, garter belts, crotchless panties, all sorts of stuff!"
My sister says, "how do you know that?" I said, "Well I used to try it all on when mom and dad weren't home." My sister died laughing. I mean, she snorted. Then I realized that perhaps some kids don't try on their mother's lingerie, I assumed she had done the same thing, but no, I was wrong. We had a good laugh about.
Oddly enough I've never really been into lingerie type stuff as an adult. When we got married, I received a few things that would make a hooker blush as wedding gifts. I remember one night a couple of years after we were married I dug some of it out when hubby and I were sitting around, and started modelling it, and I know this sounds sad, but we laughed our butts off about it. I mean he and I really cracked up. I guess we're not mature enough to handle lingerie or something. I think I gave it to Goodwill.
Thankfully I don't know if mom ever wore that stuff, and it has been almost 30 years since I was a little brat snooping around my mom's room, so I don't know if she even still has any of it. I do know my mom had a much better figure for wearing that type of stuff than I ever have, so I guess they probably had some good times with it. I don't EVEN want to go there.
I finally managed to get my sister out to the store, she hates going places with big crowds, but never the less I somehow conned her into going to the wal-mart with me. Mind you, it never fails that we end up there on Friday evening and when we get into the parking lot one of us always says, "Where the heck did all of these people come from?!?" Of course, Friday's being a popular pay day among many employers pretty much guarantees that all of creation will be out trying to get something decent for dinner, a new pillow, or some shampoo.
So there we were walking past the bra/underwear/lingerie/pajama section, and it being close to Valentine's Day and all there were several fancy little lingerie numbers strategically placed as to remind women that they need to get some new fancy underwears. I pointed one out, and predictably suggested that my sister not forget to get her new dealy do, and then I said, "Hey, remember when mom bought that really skanky lingerie at K-Mart, and how shocked we were, but we had to pretend like we didn't see it?"
My sister laughed really hard because she remembered the piece, it was a red baby doll type thing with lots and lots of fringes, mom just picked it up all non-chalant and put it in the basket, and gave us a "I dare you to make one comment out of line" look.
Remembering the moment vividly my sister said, "I can't believe mom bought that!" And without thinking anything of it I said, "yeah, she had a whole bunch of different lingerie and see through night gowns, garter belts, crotchless panties, all sorts of stuff!"
My sister says, "how do you know that?" I said, "Well I used to try it all on when mom and dad weren't home." My sister died laughing. I mean, she snorted. Then I realized that perhaps some kids don't try on their mother's lingerie, I assumed she had done the same thing, but no, I was wrong. We had a good laugh about.
Oddly enough I've never really been into lingerie type stuff as an adult. When we got married, I received a few things that would make a hooker blush as wedding gifts. I remember one night a couple of years after we were married I dug some of it out when hubby and I were sitting around, and started modelling it, and I know this sounds sad, but we laughed our butts off about it. I mean he and I really cracked up. I guess we're not mature enough to handle lingerie or something. I think I gave it to Goodwill.
Thankfully I don't know if mom ever wore that stuff, and it has been almost 30 years since I was a little brat snooping around my mom's room, so I don't know if she even still has any of it. I do know my mom had a much better figure for wearing that type of stuff than I ever have, so I guess they probably had some good times with it. I don't EVEN want to go there.
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