Blank.
I know what I'm not. I barely know what I am. Don't worry this isn't some sort of mid-life crisis made up drama here. I'm not going to run off somewhere just to figure it all out. It's just that I have smoked cigarettes since I was 15 years old, and now that I've quit smoking, I don't really know what to do with myself.
It's been a whirlwind of mood swings, emotional outbursts, and crying over spilt milk. I've been clumsy, confused, bored, and angry. I've also been proud, confident and strong. I've never felt more assured of my success before. I feel like I'm going to make it. It feels right, and I'm going with it. There are two times a day that I really want a cigarette, in the morning, and in the evening, other than that it's been pretty much a breeze aside from developing yet another new personality. Gosh I wish there was a pill for bad temperment. Oh heck, I tried to spell check that, but I've never been able to use the dern thing. I'm not sure if it's spelled right, and I'm on dial up here, so give me a break. It took five minutes just to load this page.
So It's been 8 days since I've took a puff. Now, I know that might not sound like a lot, but if you've ever quit smoking, well then you realize of course that at this point counting the days is all you can do, and each one helps get through the next one. Pretty soon I'm sure I'll be counting the weeks, and hopefully at some point I will just forget the whole thing ever happened.
Boy, I've never really been a non-smoker as an adult, I still don't quite know what to do with myself, all I know is now that I don't smoke, I don't want to do half the stuff I used to do. It's changed everything. My personality has changed as well. I think I must have used nicotine as a means to stifle myself. When a confrontation arised, I would just go smoke it off. Now, I have a hard time shutting up.
The hardest thing about it is the mood swings, but I don't even care about that. I thought about it yesterday as I left work, I thought, how am I going to get through this without getting in trouble at work for saying something I shouldn't, then I thought, I don't care. When I'm freakin' 60 and gasping for every bit of air that comes from my oxygen source, I'm not going to give a flying monkey turd what those people thought of me, I'm doing this for my life, and for my daughter, and for many other reasons. If those people can't take me being a bit more blunt, and a bit more moody, then they don't really care about me, or my life. Luckily, that has not been the case, although I realize that non-smokers are only so tolerant any way, and I have to make my best effort to behave.
All of this does not solve my problem of quite a lot of excess free time. I feel no need to watch t.v. since I can't smoke while I do it. I don't feel nearly as tired as I used to. I've been waking up pretty much every day before my alarm clock. I've been going to bed a lot earlier as well, mostly because I can't think of anything I'd really like to do at all. I've been eating like a big fat pig. Oh lord, that's what I should really be worried about. I'm predict a 25 pound weight gain. But even that I don't care about. I'll just be fatter, whoopty do. I am going to work on that later, right now the most important thing was getting off the sticks.
Maybe I'll get around to some exercise at some point, but I don't intend to make myself do it if my self does not want to do it. Right now my self is dealing with enough crap with the emotional land mines that keep popping up everywhere. I used to dread that part of quitting, this time I think I'll just deal with it.
I can't name all the things that have changed since I became the biggest quitter ever known to man. I can't do it. Mostly because it would be more boring than the rest of all this here. I'm sorry. I do consider myself a fairly boring person. I don't think I'm all that exciting to be around, I can't imagine what it must be like having to listen to me drone on about my self! One of the most boring topics I can think of. In the words of the great Jonathon Anton of Bravo's Blow Out, "I'm so over me."
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Saturday, May 20, 2006
Ready For More?
Complaining.
Today was my friday, ironically my friday changes on a week by week basis because my days off are never the same these days, but anyway, today was the end of my stretch, and it was a long day. I got off easy as my work load dropped off this morning, then picked up this afternoon, so while everyone else was running around like the proverbial chicken without a head, I was not busy at all, we work independently of each other, so it's not like I could do their work for them, next time I might be the chicken. I was all prepped and prepared then my schedule changed, and I had some free time.
It was nice actually, I think I needed it. The last few days with the kiddo being sick I've sort of worn down with worry, and tonight I finally realized that I'm not feeling all that well myself right about now, so I sort of dragged through the afternoon at work wishing I was everywhere else but there. I mentioned to one of my co-workers that I would be quite happy when today was over, and that I didn't really feel like being there today. It was a moment of honesty, and I generally don't say stuff like that at work. Usually I'm just fine, but today was rough.
He sort of laughed in my face and said, "oh gosh, you're barely even here as it is!" Which is actually not true, I do spend 4 out of 7 days a week there, which is one day less than he does. So, I shot back with, "well, you can go part time too if you want. Believe me, we've given up stuff as a result of it, but it's well worth it if you ask me, even without the benefits." To which he replied, "I don't have any benefits as a full-timer." Which actually is not true, he get's paid days, and medical insurance if he wishes, and there are a few other benefits like a bigger paycheck as well, but I didn't feel the need to spell all of that out to him.
So, I said, "well, my kid has problems that need my attention, so I went part time so I can be available more for her." Then he said, "well my dog has problems, maybe I should go part time for him." Hmm, I do think I'm being egged on. I reply, "don't compare my kid to your dog. I think you're just jealous that I have more time off."
Perhaps realizing how he was coming across, he apologized and said, "I'm sorry, you're right, I am jealous, I wish I could be here less." I said, "well, you have a nice house don't you?" He affirmed, "yes, it's over 4000 square feet." I said, "well the house we will probably buy will be less than half that size, and it won't be in as nice an area as where you live, these are the things we give up, although I don't think me working one more day a week would make that big of a difference at this point, at least we're happy."
He then went on to say that he made really good money before he took this job and that is why he and his wife were able to buy such a nice house, plus I would add that they don't have any children, especially not children that get sick, but shit, he's in his 40s I can't help him if he hasn't figured this all out already. He certainly could not afford that house on our pay now. Plus, he bought his house several years ago, when house prices were much cheaper. Whatever, I'm not bitching about his 4000 square foot house, obviously, he would rather have one more day off a week.
This is not the first time I've been on the receiving end of a full-timer's jealousy. It's not like I go around rubbing it in, last thing I want to do is draw attention to the fact that I only work 4 days a week. Honestly, it is so worth it to me. Yes, I lose a little money, but it's nominal really. The taxes took a good portion of it anyway. I'm happy with my choices.
In some people's eyes we might not have a lot of "things" to show for our work, but you can't measure time with a dollar amount. You just can't. You can't place a dollar sign on happiness. My hubby is only home every other week, our 3 days together we do more, and spend more time together than we ever did when he was working that horrible 9-5 grind. I love it, and I love my life. He seems so much happier now. He's really proud of what he's accomplished, and so am I. From now on my standard response will be: "What? Are you just jealous?"
I do feel the resentment seething under the surface sometimes. Sometimes it's from the single mom's, who make comments like, "well, I didn't have a husband to help me out..." Sometimes it's from this one guy who's wife works full-time, and he loves to say, "why can't you? My wife does it." Umm, I'm glad I didn't have to run my infant into the day care center everyday thank you very much, and I'm not freakin apologizing for it.
Heh, I'm still happy. So, whatever.
Today was my friday, ironically my friday changes on a week by week basis because my days off are never the same these days, but anyway, today was the end of my stretch, and it was a long day. I got off easy as my work load dropped off this morning, then picked up this afternoon, so while everyone else was running around like the proverbial chicken without a head, I was not busy at all, we work independently of each other, so it's not like I could do their work for them, next time I might be the chicken. I was all prepped and prepared then my schedule changed, and I had some free time.
It was nice actually, I think I needed it. The last few days with the kiddo being sick I've sort of worn down with worry, and tonight I finally realized that I'm not feeling all that well myself right about now, so I sort of dragged through the afternoon at work wishing I was everywhere else but there. I mentioned to one of my co-workers that I would be quite happy when today was over, and that I didn't really feel like being there today. It was a moment of honesty, and I generally don't say stuff like that at work. Usually I'm just fine, but today was rough.
He sort of laughed in my face and said, "oh gosh, you're barely even here as it is!" Which is actually not true, I do spend 4 out of 7 days a week there, which is one day less than he does. So, I shot back with, "well, you can go part time too if you want. Believe me, we've given up stuff as a result of it, but it's well worth it if you ask me, even without the benefits." To which he replied, "I don't have any benefits as a full-timer." Which actually is not true, he get's paid days, and medical insurance if he wishes, and there are a few other benefits like a bigger paycheck as well, but I didn't feel the need to spell all of that out to him.
So, I said, "well, my kid has problems that need my attention, so I went part time so I can be available more for her." Then he said, "well my dog has problems, maybe I should go part time for him." Hmm, I do think I'm being egged on. I reply, "don't compare my kid to your dog. I think you're just jealous that I have more time off."
Perhaps realizing how he was coming across, he apologized and said, "I'm sorry, you're right, I am jealous, I wish I could be here less." I said, "well, you have a nice house don't you?" He affirmed, "yes, it's over 4000 square feet." I said, "well the house we will probably buy will be less than half that size, and it won't be in as nice an area as where you live, these are the things we give up, although I don't think me working one more day a week would make that big of a difference at this point, at least we're happy."
He then went on to say that he made really good money before he took this job and that is why he and his wife were able to buy such a nice house, plus I would add that they don't have any children, especially not children that get sick, but shit, he's in his 40s I can't help him if he hasn't figured this all out already. He certainly could not afford that house on our pay now. Plus, he bought his house several years ago, when house prices were much cheaper. Whatever, I'm not bitching about his 4000 square foot house, obviously, he would rather have one more day off a week.
This is not the first time I've been on the receiving end of a full-timer's jealousy. It's not like I go around rubbing it in, last thing I want to do is draw attention to the fact that I only work 4 days a week. Honestly, it is so worth it to me. Yes, I lose a little money, but it's nominal really. The taxes took a good portion of it anyway. I'm happy with my choices.
In some people's eyes we might not have a lot of "things" to show for our work, but you can't measure time with a dollar amount. You just can't. You can't place a dollar sign on happiness. My hubby is only home every other week, our 3 days together we do more, and spend more time together than we ever did when he was working that horrible 9-5 grind. I love it, and I love my life. He seems so much happier now. He's really proud of what he's accomplished, and so am I. From now on my standard response will be: "What? Are you just jealous?"
I do feel the resentment seething under the surface sometimes. Sometimes it's from the single mom's, who make comments like, "well, I didn't have a husband to help me out..." Sometimes it's from this one guy who's wife works full-time, and he loves to say, "why can't you? My wife does it." Umm, I'm glad I didn't have to run my infant into the day care center everyday thank you very much, and I'm not freakin apologizing for it.
Heh, I'm still happy. So, whatever.
My Little Plan
Is Not Working.
The little plan was simple, don't get sick for at least 4 months until hubby's new job provides medical insurance. It was wrong. We were wrong. It's not working. We had the strep throat a few weeks ago, and now we have the mystery rash. Friday night I took the youngster to the urgent care clinic. The strange rash that started the day before had progressed from what appeared to be an allergic reaction to something, to a bumpy rash covering her entire body.
It was not so long ago in my mind when my little baby was admitted into the hospital to receive 4 blood transfusions for an aplastic crisis that resulted from a very benign childhood illness a lot of people have never even heard of called 5th disease. The Parvo B19 virus is the culprit, and most kids are just fine, barely even affected by the bug, but not my kiddo, she already had an undiagnosed anemia which combined with the red blood cell attacking virus put her in the nasty position of having only about a 4th of the hemoglobin in her body necessary to function. It was scary beyond words having my baby be that sick, but once the donor's blood started pumping through her veins she perked up pretty fast.
Ever since I've been very cautious when it comes to strange rashes, or any illness that gets my mom senses in an uproar, I've seen what can happen. I panicked, and I made an appointment Friday night after work to have my kiddo seen. What the doctor said in the visit, which took a grand whopping total of 15 minutes, was the rash was caused by a virus, and she has a sinus infection. I had no idea her sinuses were even infected at all, but they were. He gave me a prescription for Omniflex, or something along that name, and we headed to the 24 hour Walgreen's store, where the very kind clerk informed me that the drug would cost $129.00! Being a polite sort, she was generous enough to call the doctor and ask if there was not something else that he would like to prescribe for the sinus infection since we were poor middle class Americans with no health insurance. He decided on good ole Augmentin, and we forked over $60.00 instead. A small price to pay all things considered.
And you know what else? I've found it's kind of embarrassing explaining to people why on earth as a 35 year old I wouldn't think ahead and have insurance. They sort of just look at you like "Oh, what a shame." Guess what, we're going to pay for it, and pay and pay and pay if things keep up. The doc wants us to pay a visit to the hemotologist, oh yeah right. Uh huh. Guess what, hemotologists generally do not have payment plans, and usually want cash up front for an office visit, which is all well and good, but the last time we saw the hemotologist we actually HAD insurance, and we still forked over $140.00! That was just a wee little co-pay you see. I can't imagine what it would cost without insurance.
Whoa, of course I realize there is no price on my kid's health. Yes, I'm watching her like a hawk right now, and I'm just crazy enough to head to the E.R. if things don't seem right. At this point, she's only been on the antibiotics for 24 hours so we will see how she is each day. One day at a time. So far I'm not real happy with the progress, she doesn't seem all that much better, and the rash is still presenting itself. The rash is supposedly from a virus, so it may just run its course and everything will be fine, at least I hope so.
It's been sort of tough, thank God my momma is here. Hubby is out of town this week so I'm pretty much on my own with it all, and it's been super busy at work, I couldn't even get the time off, of course if things were much worse, I would have had to insist that I be excused from work, but I hate doing that. I'm so lucky my employer is very kind and understanding, so if I had called in it probably would have been okay, but I managed to make it through without calling off.
I have the next few days off as luck would have it, so I can really watch her and also get her in somewhere if needed. I think we get health insurance in July or something. Oh and did I mention that my throat is starting to hurt? Oh well, that's life. As they say, "it could always be worse."
The little plan was simple, don't get sick for at least 4 months until hubby's new job provides medical insurance. It was wrong. We were wrong. It's not working. We had the strep throat a few weeks ago, and now we have the mystery rash. Friday night I took the youngster to the urgent care clinic. The strange rash that started the day before had progressed from what appeared to be an allergic reaction to something, to a bumpy rash covering her entire body.
It was not so long ago in my mind when my little baby was admitted into the hospital to receive 4 blood transfusions for an aplastic crisis that resulted from a very benign childhood illness a lot of people have never even heard of called 5th disease. The Parvo B19 virus is the culprit, and most kids are just fine, barely even affected by the bug, but not my kiddo, she already had an undiagnosed anemia which combined with the red blood cell attacking virus put her in the nasty position of having only about a 4th of the hemoglobin in her body necessary to function. It was scary beyond words having my baby be that sick, but once the donor's blood started pumping through her veins she perked up pretty fast.
Ever since I've been very cautious when it comes to strange rashes, or any illness that gets my mom senses in an uproar, I've seen what can happen. I panicked, and I made an appointment Friday night after work to have my kiddo seen. What the doctor said in the visit, which took a grand whopping total of 15 minutes, was the rash was caused by a virus, and she has a sinus infection. I had no idea her sinuses were even infected at all, but they were. He gave me a prescription for Omniflex, or something along that name, and we headed to the 24 hour Walgreen's store, where the very kind clerk informed me that the drug would cost $129.00! Being a polite sort, she was generous enough to call the doctor and ask if there was not something else that he would like to prescribe for the sinus infection since we were poor middle class Americans with no health insurance. He decided on good ole Augmentin, and we forked over $60.00 instead. A small price to pay all things considered.
And you know what else? I've found it's kind of embarrassing explaining to people why on earth as a 35 year old I wouldn't think ahead and have insurance. They sort of just look at you like "Oh, what a shame." Guess what, we're going to pay for it, and pay and pay and pay if things keep up. The doc wants us to pay a visit to the hemotologist, oh yeah right. Uh huh. Guess what, hemotologists generally do not have payment plans, and usually want cash up front for an office visit, which is all well and good, but the last time we saw the hemotologist we actually HAD insurance, and we still forked over $140.00! That was just a wee little co-pay you see. I can't imagine what it would cost without insurance.
Whoa, of course I realize there is no price on my kid's health. Yes, I'm watching her like a hawk right now, and I'm just crazy enough to head to the E.R. if things don't seem right. At this point, she's only been on the antibiotics for 24 hours so we will see how she is each day. One day at a time. So far I'm not real happy with the progress, she doesn't seem all that much better, and the rash is still presenting itself. The rash is supposedly from a virus, so it may just run its course and everything will be fine, at least I hope so.
It's been sort of tough, thank God my momma is here. Hubby is out of town this week so I'm pretty much on my own with it all, and it's been super busy at work, I couldn't even get the time off, of course if things were much worse, I would have had to insist that I be excused from work, but I hate doing that. I'm so lucky my employer is very kind and understanding, so if I had called in it probably would have been okay, but I managed to make it through without calling off.
I have the next few days off as luck would have it, so I can really watch her and also get her in somewhere if needed. I think we get health insurance in July or something. Oh and did I mention that my throat is starting to hurt? Oh well, that's life. As they say, "it could always be worse."
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Monday, May 08, 2006
Strange Things
People Tell Me.
I can be a pretty good listener, and I love a good story. My husband doesn't think so, because he has often made the mistake of striking up a conversation when we've gone to bed, and being somewhat of a narcoleptic bent, I pretty much fall alseep whenever I lay my head down, it's even worse when I've got my leg thrown across his, and my arm across his chest, I'm a goner. He says "I must bore you, you always fall asleep on me when I'm talking to you." I reply, "It's just that your voice is so soothing, and whenever I get in a fairly comfortable state, I can't keep my eyes open."
But despite my tendency to fall asleep on people, I have managed to record in my mind some of the sillier things people have told me. There is my friend who told me she used to have a kitten that gave her hickeys while she slept. It seems the cat was taken too early from it's mother, and still had a strong desire to suckle, so it found a lovely little mole on her neck, and would suck on that thing for dear life hoping it would produce milk. I really cracked up when she told me this. She would wake up to a tiny little hickey on her neck.
My friend, the wacky one who constantly cracks me up with her insane antics, has a friend who is a born story teller. Apparently the woman was lying in her bed one winter night, when she heard a loud thud coming from her closet. Now, what she did next really baffles me because I would have run screaming from the apartment, but she being an inquisitive type, opened the closet door to find a man hanging upside down in her closet. The woman, I'll call her Sam because that's her name, and I'm pretty sure she doesn't have internet access, screamed, then shut the door and called the police.
The long story made short is that the man was the apartment building's handy man, and he was making no small fortune crawling from the attic into unsuspecting tenet's apartments and stealing watches, change and whatever else. I guess the dingle berry was somehow stuck, and the police had to pull him down. His story that he was checking the roof for leaks did not stick, there just was not enough moisture in the air to convince anyone. All that for $450 a month!
The wacky friend of mine relayed this story to me in the most dramatic fashion ever, and my dad and I laughed hysterically when I relayed it to him. The same friend has many many episodes that make my eyes water, and her antics are no small part of the charm of our 25 year long friendship. I should have known when she told me about the time she fell out of the back of her girl scout leader's Winnebago that this girl offered the promise of many laughs. Now, I know on the surface that falling out of the R.V. might sound scary, but she was not hurt all that much, just a few scrapes, the funny part is that the brownie leader kept driving before the girls could draw her attention to my friend hobbling on behind trying to catch the slow moving vehicle.
Now, most normal minded people might think of taking the child home, or to an emergency room, but not this brave troop leader, she pushed on. Come on, this woman was delivering girl scout cookies in an R.V. people! So, no, she had promised those girls McDonald's for a job well done, and nothing was going to get in the way of those Happy Meals. Luckily, with no concussion, my friend was able to enjoy her Cheeseburger with the other girls. It was the 80's, need I say more?
My uncle's stories are always a hit at any barbeque, he was an ornery young man, but thankfully he was steered down the right path and has stayed on the right side of the law as a police officer, but before he was in uniform, well that's another story. My favorite is how he and a bunch of his friends decided to hang a man from the town water tower. It seems that my grandfather was always bringing interesting things home from his travels as a truck driver delivering marble all over the country. One such item was a dummy he'd picked up somewhere. Well, Uncle and friends decided it would be a hoot to climb up that water tower and hang that dummy, with a note pinned to it's chest signed, "the hangmen". They thought it would be even more delightful to run to the popular hang out spot in town and tell everyone, especially the girls, that a man was up on the water tower and about to jump.
This being about the most exciting thing to happen had most of those kids running over to discover the man had already jumped. Well, rather than arresting them, the story was run on the front page of the paper the next day, with a picture of a police officer holding the rescued dummy. Everyone knew it was a joke, nobody pee'd their pants over it. He's still got the article, I saw it myself. He's also still got the newspaper from Lincoln's assassination. He wasn't there, but he's been entrusted with it by my grandmother, who collected all sorts of smart things.
It's funny what people can tell you if you stay awake long enough to listen. There's nothing like a good story. If only I could relay them as well as the original. Ah well.
I can be a pretty good listener, and I love a good story. My husband doesn't think so, because he has often made the mistake of striking up a conversation when we've gone to bed, and being somewhat of a narcoleptic bent, I pretty much fall alseep whenever I lay my head down, it's even worse when I've got my leg thrown across his, and my arm across his chest, I'm a goner. He says "I must bore you, you always fall asleep on me when I'm talking to you." I reply, "It's just that your voice is so soothing, and whenever I get in a fairly comfortable state, I can't keep my eyes open."
But despite my tendency to fall asleep on people, I have managed to record in my mind some of the sillier things people have told me. There is my friend who told me she used to have a kitten that gave her hickeys while she slept. It seems the cat was taken too early from it's mother, and still had a strong desire to suckle, so it found a lovely little mole on her neck, and would suck on that thing for dear life hoping it would produce milk. I really cracked up when she told me this. She would wake up to a tiny little hickey on her neck.
My friend, the wacky one who constantly cracks me up with her insane antics, has a friend who is a born story teller. Apparently the woman was lying in her bed one winter night, when she heard a loud thud coming from her closet. Now, what she did next really baffles me because I would have run screaming from the apartment, but she being an inquisitive type, opened the closet door to find a man hanging upside down in her closet. The woman, I'll call her Sam because that's her name, and I'm pretty sure she doesn't have internet access, screamed, then shut the door and called the police.
The long story made short is that the man was the apartment building's handy man, and he was making no small fortune crawling from the attic into unsuspecting tenet's apartments and stealing watches, change and whatever else. I guess the dingle berry was somehow stuck, and the police had to pull him down. His story that he was checking the roof for leaks did not stick, there just was not enough moisture in the air to convince anyone. All that for $450 a month!
The wacky friend of mine relayed this story to me in the most dramatic fashion ever, and my dad and I laughed hysterically when I relayed it to him. The same friend has many many episodes that make my eyes water, and her antics are no small part of the charm of our 25 year long friendship. I should have known when she told me about the time she fell out of the back of her girl scout leader's Winnebago that this girl offered the promise of many laughs. Now, I know on the surface that falling out of the R.V. might sound scary, but she was not hurt all that much, just a few scrapes, the funny part is that the brownie leader kept driving before the girls could draw her attention to my friend hobbling on behind trying to catch the slow moving vehicle.
Now, most normal minded people might think of taking the child home, or to an emergency room, but not this brave troop leader, she pushed on. Come on, this woman was delivering girl scout cookies in an R.V. people! So, no, she had promised those girls McDonald's for a job well done, and nothing was going to get in the way of those Happy Meals. Luckily, with no concussion, my friend was able to enjoy her Cheeseburger with the other girls. It was the 80's, need I say more?
My uncle's stories are always a hit at any barbeque, he was an ornery young man, but thankfully he was steered down the right path and has stayed on the right side of the law as a police officer, but before he was in uniform, well that's another story. My favorite is how he and a bunch of his friends decided to hang a man from the town water tower. It seems that my grandfather was always bringing interesting things home from his travels as a truck driver delivering marble all over the country. One such item was a dummy he'd picked up somewhere. Well, Uncle and friends decided it would be a hoot to climb up that water tower and hang that dummy, with a note pinned to it's chest signed, "the hangmen". They thought it would be even more delightful to run to the popular hang out spot in town and tell everyone, especially the girls, that a man was up on the water tower and about to jump.
This being about the most exciting thing to happen had most of those kids running over to discover the man had already jumped. Well, rather than arresting them, the story was run on the front page of the paper the next day, with a picture of a police officer holding the rescued dummy. Everyone knew it was a joke, nobody pee'd their pants over it. He's still got the article, I saw it myself. He's also still got the newspaper from Lincoln's assassination. He wasn't there, but he's been entrusted with it by my grandmother, who collected all sorts of smart things.
It's funny what people can tell you if you stay awake long enough to listen. There's nothing like a good story. If only I could relay them as well as the original. Ah well.
Sunday, May 07, 2006
We Are Naked
Unprotected.
While my husband gets his feet wet in his new job, our family has taken the calculated risk of going without health insurance. I know for illegal immigrants that's not such a scary thing, but for us regular tax payers, it's scary as hell. My husband had great health coverage in his last job, the only thing was, his job itself didn't pay that well, so we had to take the risk, in the hopes we'll make it.
It takes 4 months from the date of hire to be eligible for health coverage at his new job, so we are biding our time. What could happen in 4 months? Ha! Anything. I tell you, with even the smallest sniffle, I'm telling our daughter, "don't get sick, we don't have health insurance!" More than once I've said, "Don't jump on that, if you fall and break a limb, we don't have health insurance!" A little wishful thinking on our parts can go a long way. Well, aside from a strep throat infection, she's done really well. Granted that infection is going to cost us a couple hundred of dollars, and that's all if we're lucky! We haven't received the bill yet though.
We're one major health incident away from financial catastrophe. You see, my husband's income is such we would not qualify for any assistance at all, yet, we've not had a long time to save the increased income. We're about halfway through now. Hopefully we can make it. Since our daughter has Spherocytosis, certain mild viruses can put her in the hospital receiving blood transfusions, although it's not likely. This is always in the back of my mind. Of course there is no price on our precious offspring's health, but we'd rather have health coverage in any case.
There are many other things that can happen, including a giant asteroid hitting our little section of the earth, or God forbid, the bird flu, I'm thinking we should be all right though. Knock on something.
Odwalla fruit drinks, that's our coverage. I notice we're drinking a lot more fruit juices, and eating more fruit, hopefully to stave off illness.
While my husband gets his feet wet in his new job, our family has taken the calculated risk of going without health insurance. I know for illegal immigrants that's not such a scary thing, but for us regular tax payers, it's scary as hell. My husband had great health coverage in his last job, the only thing was, his job itself didn't pay that well, so we had to take the risk, in the hopes we'll make it.
It takes 4 months from the date of hire to be eligible for health coverage at his new job, so we are biding our time. What could happen in 4 months? Ha! Anything. I tell you, with even the smallest sniffle, I'm telling our daughter, "don't get sick, we don't have health insurance!" More than once I've said, "Don't jump on that, if you fall and break a limb, we don't have health insurance!" A little wishful thinking on our parts can go a long way. Well, aside from a strep throat infection, she's done really well. Granted that infection is going to cost us a couple hundred of dollars, and that's all if we're lucky! We haven't received the bill yet though.
We're one major health incident away from financial catastrophe. You see, my husband's income is such we would not qualify for any assistance at all, yet, we've not had a long time to save the increased income. We're about halfway through now. Hopefully we can make it. Since our daughter has Spherocytosis, certain mild viruses can put her in the hospital receiving blood transfusions, although it's not likely. This is always in the back of my mind. Of course there is no price on our precious offspring's health, but we'd rather have health coverage in any case.
There are many other things that can happen, including a giant asteroid hitting our little section of the earth, or God forbid, the bird flu, I'm thinking we should be all right though. Knock on something.
Odwalla fruit drinks, that's our coverage. I notice we're drinking a lot more fruit juices, and eating more fruit, hopefully to stave off illness.
Not Particularly Important To Anyone
Random Stuff.
In November of last year, I was in a car accident, where I was hit from behind while sitting in traffic. I was hit first by one car, then another car hit that car, and I was hit again. It is now May, and my truck sits totalled on the side of the road, the plates have run out, yet, I still have to pay to insure the stupid thing. As of yet, neither insurance company, Allstate, or American Family Insurance has done shit to rectify the situation in any way at all.
My health insurance would not cover any costs of treatment associated with the accident. I have had to essentially pay out of pocket for any treatments I've received as a result of the accident. Since the accident, I have not slept well, and am given to bouts of pain and headaches as a result of the whiplash I got. I was told to see a chiropractor, physical therapist, and receive massage, all of which required that I make an agreement with those people that they would offer services, and be reimbursed when the insurance companies settled my claim. Not exactly an indeal situation when considering, I'm dependent on the insurance companies doing the right thing, and actually paying those people, or I will be forced to.
I take advil, and occasionally a mild muscle relaxant on nights where my neck feels particularly stiff. I don't go to the chiropractor twice a week, have physical therapy twice a week, or get massage twice a week because:
1. I'm not comfortable racking up bills in the thousands while relying on an insurance company to get off it's ass and pay for it if they even do. It's something about us being a tort state, which basically means, everyone get's screwed, except the insurance company.
2. I'm not going to be compensated for time that would take away from my job, and my life because I refuse to give these insurance companies permission to contact my employer and ask all sorts of nosy questions which is none of their gosh darn business.
3. I don't think it is my employers business that I'm filing a claim against these insurance companies. My health, and private life is still my own business, and I don't want my bosses knowing my personal stuff.
So, I am taking care of myself. I get massaged when I can. Perhaps, my long term pain will be more because I didn't follow their orders, but since I'm not the one who was at fault in the accident, I don't feel the need to be directed by some shitty insurance company who just wants to screw around with my life and time.
More was taken in the accident than the insurance companies would even consider paying for. How about the fact I was driving that old truck because it was inexpensive, and we were trying to save for a house at the time, and didn't want to try to get financing while being saddled with a car payment. They see that truck as having a small monetary value, I saw it as my transportation to and from work, worth much more than a couple thousand dollars. Since my transportation was destroyed, I've had to buy another car, am now paying full coverage insurance for it, and our plans to buy a home have been put off at least 4 months beyond our original goal, that's if we can even get financed with these car payments. That's just my tough luck I guess.
All they had to do was own up to it, pay for my truck, and post accident care, and my troubles but since they have dicked around so much, I had to get an attorney to deal with them, I don't have the knowledge or the time to deal with two bickering insurance companies, now they must pay him as well. I don't know when, if ever this thing will be resolved. I'm doing the best I can.
In November of last year, I was in a car accident, where I was hit from behind while sitting in traffic. I was hit first by one car, then another car hit that car, and I was hit again. It is now May, and my truck sits totalled on the side of the road, the plates have run out, yet, I still have to pay to insure the stupid thing. As of yet, neither insurance company, Allstate, or American Family Insurance has done shit to rectify the situation in any way at all.
My health insurance would not cover any costs of treatment associated with the accident. I have had to essentially pay out of pocket for any treatments I've received as a result of the accident. Since the accident, I have not slept well, and am given to bouts of pain and headaches as a result of the whiplash I got. I was told to see a chiropractor, physical therapist, and receive massage, all of which required that I make an agreement with those people that they would offer services, and be reimbursed when the insurance companies settled my claim. Not exactly an indeal situation when considering, I'm dependent on the insurance companies doing the right thing, and actually paying those people, or I will be forced to.
I take advil, and occasionally a mild muscle relaxant on nights where my neck feels particularly stiff. I don't go to the chiropractor twice a week, have physical therapy twice a week, or get massage twice a week because:
1. I'm not comfortable racking up bills in the thousands while relying on an insurance company to get off it's ass and pay for it if they even do. It's something about us being a tort state, which basically means, everyone get's screwed, except the insurance company.
2. I'm not going to be compensated for time that would take away from my job, and my life because I refuse to give these insurance companies permission to contact my employer and ask all sorts of nosy questions which is none of their gosh darn business.
3. I don't think it is my employers business that I'm filing a claim against these insurance companies. My health, and private life is still my own business, and I don't want my bosses knowing my personal stuff.
So, I am taking care of myself. I get massaged when I can. Perhaps, my long term pain will be more because I didn't follow their orders, but since I'm not the one who was at fault in the accident, I don't feel the need to be directed by some shitty insurance company who just wants to screw around with my life and time.
More was taken in the accident than the insurance companies would even consider paying for. How about the fact I was driving that old truck because it was inexpensive, and we were trying to save for a house at the time, and didn't want to try to get financing while being saddled with a car payment. They see that truck as having a small monetary value, I saw it as my transportation to and from work, worth much more than a couple thousand dollars. Since my transportation was destroyed, I've had to buy another car, am now paying full coverage insurance for it, and our plans to buy a home have been put off at least 4 months beyond our original goal, that's if we can even get financed with these car payments. That's just my tough luck I guess.
All they had to do was own up to it, pay for my truck, and post accident care, and my troubles but since they have dicked around so much, I had to get an attorney to deal with them, I don't have the knowledge or the time to deal with two bickering insurance companies, now they must pay him as well. I don't know when, if ever this thing will be resolved. I'm doing the best I can.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Follow Your Bliss
Right Off A Cliff.
The other day this fellow and I were having a friendly discussion about gas prices, and I made a statement to the effect that perhaps people who wanted to stand in the way of oil production should stop driving and leave the rest of us alone. A bystander piped up with, "well, the people who don't want the drilling have given up their cars, and most of them ride bikes, and I'm going to get rid of my car just as soon as I can..."
To which I succinctly replied, "well, I'm not giving up my car, and I don't have to." Oh but there was so much more I wanted to say. First, I wanted to call bullshit. This person actually commutes 70 miles each way, to and from work, a fact which I politely did not point out. I drive less than 10 miles each way. Who is the greedy one? Who is the hypocrite? I'm not suggesting anyone else should give up their transportation and ride bikes for a start. We should all give up driving our gas guzzlers because 5 of these people actually stood on their own laurels and gave up their car? They don't want to give up their cars, they've got plenty of reasons why you should though, but their lives and well being and circumstances are so much more important than yours are.
The person did have a point though, she said, "well, most of them live in big cities where they can use public transport, or ride bikes to work..." Again, it would have been just too easy to smear her nose in it in much the same way that one would do to a puppy who just pee'd on the floor. So, we should all just up and move to New York city I guess. We can all live in an urban area, yeah, everyone can do that. We don't need farms, or rural communities, and we most certainly don't need those snotty suburbs where all the heterosexual s.u.v. drivers live. We can grow tomatoes and green beans on our balconeys, we can heat our studio apartments in the winter with the heat given off from the compost heap in our living room.
Just where does she think the veggies she worships come from? Does she think that people living in Manhattan board some train and head out of town to work in fields?
Right now we need oil, we need gas, plain and simple. This country has it's own oil and gas, now I'm not necessarily opposed to buying someone else's, however if we were to depend on our own, we would be doing our part as my dad says, to put those sheiks back on the camels. We have our own, and we need to gather it and refine it for use. Sure, I think we should conserve, preserve, and use resources wisely, that's only smart, that does not preclude our needs.
Seriously, I can't imagine what would happen if the oil and gas just stopped. How many people use gas to heat their homes in the winter? I'm sure it would impact us in ways no one could even imagine. Now, I realize your average hippy doesn't take showers as often as everyone else, but I'm sure, even when they do, they, like the French, want their weekly shower to be with hot water.
Who are these people? Really? I don't see any bike riding commuters around here. Something smells funny. The hypocrisy is outrageous. This is a classic case of what's good for the goose is not good for the gander. Do as I say, and not as I do.
Release the frickin' oil and gas already.
My inspiration today.
The other day this fellow and I were having a friendly discussion about gas prices, and I made a statement to the effect that perhaps people who wanted to stand in the way of oil production should stop driving and leave the rest of us alone. A bystander piped up with, "well, the people who don't want the drilling have given up their cars, and most of them ride bikes, and I'm going to get rid of my car just as soon as I can..."
To which I succinctly replied, "well, I'm not giving up my car, and I don't have to." Oh but there was so much more I wanted to say. First, I wanted to call bullshit. This person actually commutes 70 miles each way, to and from work, a fact which I politely did not point out. I drive less than 10 miles each way. Who is the greedy one? Who is the hypocrite? I'm not suggesting anyone else should give up their transportation and ride bikes for a start. We should all give up driving our gas guzzlers because 5 of these people actually stood on their own laurels and gave up their car? They don't want to give up their cars, they've got plenty of reasons why you should though, but their lives and well being and circumstances are so much more important than yours are.
The person did have a point though, she said, "well, most of them live in big cities where they can use public transport, or ride bikes to work..." Again, it would have been just too easy to smear her nose in it in much the same way that one would do to a puppy who just pee'd on the floor. So, we should all just up and move to New York city I guess. We can all live in an urban area, yeah, everyone can do that. We don't need farms, or rural communities, and we most certainly don't need those snotty suburbs where all the heterosexual s.u.v. drivers live. We can grow tomatoes and green beans on our balconeys, we can heat our studio apartments in the winter with the heat given off from the compost heap in our living room.
Just where does she think the veggies she worships come from? Does she think that people living in Manhattan board some train and head out of town to work in fields?
Right now we need oil, we need gas, plain and simple. This country has it's own oil and gas, now I'm not necessarily opposed to buying someone else's, however if we were to depend on our own, we would be doing our part as my dad says, to put those sheiks back on the camels. We have our own, and we need to gather it and refine it for use. Sure, I think we should conserve, preserve, and use resources wisely, that's only smart, that does not preclude our needs.
Seriously, I can't imagine what would happen if the oil and gas just stopped. How many people use gas to heat their homes in the winter? I'm sure it would impact us in ways no one could even imagine. Now, I realize your average hippy doesn't take showers as often as everyone else, but I'm sure, even when they do, they, like the French, want their weekly shower to be with hot water.
Who are these people? Really? I don't see any bike riding commuters around here. Something smells funny. The hypocrisy is outrageous. This is a classic case of what's good for the goose is not good for the gander. Do as I say, and not as I do.
Release the frickin' oil and gas already.
My inspiration today.
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