I Don't Claim To Know

Anything At All.

All I know is that something is wrong. I believe we are a nation in a fair amount of turmoil. We've gone too far. We've become too dependent on the government solving our problems. We don't deal with conflicts amongst ourselves with any bit of fairness or maturity, and the gov is always there to step in and "mediate". Problem is, our gov is made up of people who are not impartial themselves, and who blatantly pursue their own betterment and interests right in front of us.

Today I heard the cashier at Wal-Mart telling the customer in front of me, who appeared to be of some aquaintance, that she only takes home about $200.00 every two weeks. I was appalled. We've all heard tales of how Wal-Mart employees depend on social programs to fill in the gaps, and make up for the low wages they are paid. No one in any city can live on that kind of money. We all know the trick of the trade in which employers hire only "part time" workers so that they can avoid paying out any sort of benefits like health insurance.

I realize some would say, "well, they can look for a better job, they don't have to work there..." and so on. Sure, I can see that I suppose. I know at one point I was so desperate for work I would have skipped with glee if I had a job at Wal-Mart. Here Wal-Mart can hire military wives, retirees, and so on and not have to worry about paying a living wage. Yes, I like the low prices at Wal-Mart, that's why I shop there, but I also can see that I can easily shop sales at other stores, stores which do actually pay their employees enough to live on, besides Wal-Mart's meat is disgusting, their produce is not all that great either, I generally have to go other places anyway.

Now I know I risk sounding like a liberal here, be that as it may, I can assure any that I'm far from it. I don't support pinko commie socialists at all. That doesn't mean that I think Corporations should be able to get over the way they do. There has to be a solution, one that doesn't necessarily involve turning to uncle sam, and regulating the hell out of businesses to the point that they would rather up and move to China then operate here. Besides, most of that regulation really hurts small businesses much more than rich corporations more than likely.

I don't give a flying rat carcass for the silver spoon fed rich. I honestly don't know how those people sleep at night. How does it feel to live so lavishly while one's employees feed from the public trough and live in poverty. I would be so embarrassed. Really.

Whenever talk of raising the minimum wage is raised, business owners are up in arms about how it will ruin their business and so on. Maybe so. I don't claim to know. But I ask myself, seriously, how many freakin' billions is enough for some of these people? Really! Sure, not every business owner is a multi millionaire. Some are just struggling folks who can't live with the idea of being pushed and prodded by human resources, and a plethora of managers anymore.

The bible speaks of this, the scripture has stuck with me, it goes something like this: It's easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to enter heaven. It's not that rich men are bad, or evil, but that I suppose people will do some rather ruthless and greedy things to become rich. Being rich is not what is really important. And not everyone who is rich is ruthless and greedy.

I guess it all boils down to what are we willing to pay for? As a society, it seems we place high dollar value on Hollywood actors, and professional sports players. It really doesn't take any amount of skill to empty a trash can I suppose, although, were there not people willing to do it, I would have to laugh to see some people trying. It does not take a whole lot of skill to stand at a cash register and scan items, push a few buttons and give out proper change, but it's not as easy as it might seem either. Try having a person who hasn't bathed in two days, who smoked a carton of cigarettes, drank a 5th of Jack, who is suffering from serious digestive problems breathing in your face and calling you an idiot for not working fast enough to suit them, it definitely takes a certain amount of determination not to tell that person to immediately go piss in a river.

Many times I have considered what my life would be like if I didn't have my husband, my partner, my rock to get through all of this with me. I chose carefully when it came to marriage. I'm afraid many people do not think ahead. I'm afraid many have been deluded into thinking that single parenthood was a viable option. Of course it can be done, it's not something I would recommend setting out to do on purpose. Sometimes there is no choice, many times hindsight would have been very helpful.

It is no accident that next year my husband and I will claim over $70,000.00 as our income. We made that happen. Perhaps it was just good luck, but we actively pursued our dreams or it wouldn't have happened otherwise. Two years ago we actually claimed just over $10,000 income. We've come a long way since then. That was a really really hard year for us. I honestly don't know how we did it.

We've made a series of choices that have led us to this point. My dad always says people get to where they are by a series of choices that they make. These are the choices we made. We chose to risk comfort for opportunity. We chose to sacrifice time together for advancement. We chose to be humble and ask for help, information and a shot. We choose to be drug free, he drinks a beer here and there, but for the most part we are alcohol free. We both choose to work in physically demanding jobs because they pay the best for the amount of education we have.

Before those choices were made, we chose each other. We each chose a stable partner, with a future. We chose to wait until we were married to have a child. We chose to drive crappy cars that stank because they were affordable. We've made some mistakes. Some real doozies. We've paid for them. We'll make more I'm sure.

I don't know where we'll be tomorrow. Perhaps things could happen to land us at the bottom of the pay scale, making nothing, hoping for something. It could happen. At least we'll have each other.

In my mind, I could still end up making 5.15/hour somewhere. Nothing is promised. I just can't imagine what sort of person would feel comfortable paying their employees a wage like that. They must know they can't barely live on that. I think I'll lay off Wal-Mart shopping for a while. I'm really disgusted with them. We'll see how long that lasts. Freaking Crack-Mart.

Mr. Conner

My Napping Partner.

I Really Need To Do Something

Other Than Read Blogs.

It's my day off, and here I sit. Wasting time, sweet precious time. Time that could probably be better spent doing laundry, receiving a pedicure, or taking a shower. There are groceries to be bought, cat boxes to be cleaned, and all I want to do is sit here and read blogs. The idea of taking a nap has crossed my mind too many times to be ignored. I will be getting in the bed soon. The thought of it is something akin to what a crack addict must feel when anticipating his next fix. Cuddling up with 3 pillows and my thick silky comforter is pure heaven to me. Why does sleep have to feel so good?

My love of napping started in High School. I was compelled to come home and crash on my bed just about everyday after school. This started a vicious cycle of staying up late, getting up early and being chronically tired day in and day out, the only relief, and motivation was knowing that I would eventually take a nap, and the world would go bye bye for that precious hour. Those habits developed in my youth have carried over and affected my adult life, I still love a good nap.

As I've aged I've overcome the inability to go to bed early. I can no longer function on a few hours of sleep even if I know I can get through the day and take a nap later. When I was in my 20's I could still get by on a few hours of sleep. In my 30's I would not dream of torturing myself in such a manner. I specifically plan to get my 8 hours of sleep each night, I'd be useless to anyone without it. I generally do not take naps on days that I work, I reserve napping for my days off, when I can do so guilt free, and without messing up my night sleeping schedule. Although, as an adult, I don't really think there is such a thing as a guilt free nap. Not when there are so many things to be done.

I remember visiting my grandparents during the summer when I was a teen ager, and how my grandfather was appalled that I took a nap right in the middle of the day. He said, "I haven't taken naps since I was 2 years old, naps are for babies!" He was somewhat disgusted by the idea of a practically grown person taking a nap. I made sure that summer to wake him up every time I saw him nodding off in his recliner, I would get right up close to him and say, "are you asleep?" He would say "no, I'm just resting my eyes!" Ha! Got ya! He was taking naps, but since he didn't get in bed and go to sleep, he did not see falling asleep in his chair the same way.

There are times I've had to defend my nap taking addiction to others. People are so judgemental about it. Much like my grandfather was. I really can't help it. I wish I was one of those people who ran on energy reserves all the time, but I don't. I can literally fall asleep in a few short minutes at any given time. I've actually had people time me. My brother swears I suffer from some sort of narcolepsy. Others might just say I'm lazy. I've even thought maybe I am just lazy.

I do manage to make it through the day at work without a nap, that doesn't mean it doesn't cross my mind. It does. Just about everyday. I try not to let on to people that I am sleepy. They'll just think I'm lazy. I try to hide it all the time. I keep myself as busy as possible to get through the sleepy times. I hate the idea of someone thinking I'm lazy. I'm not lazy. I'm just freaking tired and want to sleep.

My secondary addiction is to caffeine, the anti nap. I have to have my coffee each morning. I drink about 2 cups. It carries me through the morning. After lunch is usually when I'm the sleepiest. I rarely drink coffee at lunch. I mostly only drink it in the morning. I do usually have a coke at lunch, the caffeine perks me up, and makes the afternoon tolerable. After that I'm fine, and can function the rest of the day. I'm still tired when I get home, and I could easily go to bed, but then I would not sleep that night. I stay up and try to get in bed at a reasonable hour.

Even though I have to fight the urge to sleep throughout the day, I would rather have it this way. I know people who take at least an hour to fall asleep at night. There is nothing more torturous than being tired and not being able to fall asleep, and knowing the clock is ticking away and that alarm will be going off soon. That just sucks.

I've been much more tired throughout the day since my car accident. I don't sleep as well at night, I wake up quite often with my neck stiff. I can't get comfortable as a result.

Last night Mr. Conner slept with me. He woke me up numerous times. He wanted to be petted, and cuddled. Everytime I moved he would wake up and meow at me over and over, purring in my ear and nudging me to pet him. He's been following me around since he came home. He slept on my head, cuddled up right next to my face, across my side, and in my space all night. I would wake up with his fur in my nose, and have to try to move him, which he did not take too kindly. Right now he is laying on my lap as I type this. Poor little guy. I get the feeling he is really glad to be home, warm and safe again. I'm glad he's back. He's got a real personality that one.

I think it's time for Mr. Conner and me to go take a nap.

Random Thoughts

As Usual.

Mr. Conner has been missing for almost 2 weeks. He made a break for it one night. We've worried about him. Tonight he returned home, he is skinny and stinky, but pretty much all right. He's eating and getting some luvin's here and there. I wiped him down with a warm wet wash cloth, he didn't seem to mind. He smells like motor oil, he's probably been hiding under people's cars. His little white paws aren't white any more, they're grey. He'll clean up eventually I suppose.

My brother, who is 8 years younger than me, confessed that when he was a little shit assed kid he thought it would be funny to hide under my bed and grab my feet when I got home. I would have been a teen ager then. He waited under the bed, and when I finally came in he had lost his nerve, and thought it wouldn't be nice to scare the crap out of me. He said he then had to wait until I went to sleep to sneak out because he knew if he came out it would scare me. And it would have, I've always been a huge chicken.

I got a little nervous as he told the story, I thought he might say I did something like made out with my boyfriend or something. He said I just came in and went to sleep. Whew.

Of course his little prank reminded my sister of the time that she and my best friend went in and tacked all of my underwear to the ceiling in my room. My sister was always the sneaky one, she acted so prissy, but she was always in trouble for something, and worse, she would get caught, and try to lie her way out of things. Good thing she's grown into a person of great moral character now, we were a bit worried at times. Haha, she'd be so mad if she read that, but she never reads my blog, so I think we're all right. She's a blond again now, so most of this will be over her head anyway.

My father climbed a 6 foot privacy fence to rescue Mr. Conner, he then climbed back over the fence with the cat. He's going to be 65 this year. They don't make them like that anymore. Dad was a hero. I thought about all the things my dad has endured, and survived, and all he has accomplished, and thought wow, he's tough. Of course, my mom was every bit a part of much of it. She's the one who put him through college. She's always supported him and cared for him. She used to send him packages when he was in Vietnam, she would pack them with popcorn. Real popcorn, which she no doubt cooked on the stove. She keeps him calm, and in line. He does anything she asks of him. She never lets him miss a meal, and packs his lunch everyday for work.

When they first married they were so poor at times they ate nothing but pancakes, with syrup made from scratch. I can't imagine. They have worked hard their whole lives and have never taken hand outs from anyone. My dad still works full-time. I don't know when he plans to retire. My parents pay way too much in taxes. It's a crime how much the government takes from them. My dad drives an old car ('79) back and forth to work. They could buy a new one, but think the one they have is just fine for now. It doesn't have high mileage on it, about 70,000. It sat in a barn for years, it was my grandmother's car.

Hubby comes home tomorrow. This week went fast. I'm glad he'll be home so we can cuddle a lot and fall all over each other. We usually do that the first couple of days, then we settle down a bit. I miss him a lot when he's gone, but honestly, we spend more quality time together now then we did when he was doing the 9-5 grind. People can't imagine how that could be, but it's so much easier when he has the whole week off. I try to time my days off with when he is here, so it works out pretty good.

Right now we are just taking things as they come. This is all so new to both of us. He's liking it all right, he wants to see how things can go for him in his new field. We've discussed the idea of the family moving up there. As it stands right now, he's driving 8 hours each way to get home and back to work. That's a really long drive for him after a long week. Plus it's a lot of miles on his car. The only problem is, I have a good job myself here. I'm pretty sure it would be difficult to replace. Sure what I do I could do there, but I'm not sure it would be so easy to transfer, and I love my job here, and my co-workers, and I make pretty decent money, we'd be giving up my income, and the flexibility that my job offers, which will be really hard to find again. I work part-time and I'm able to maintain things while he is away because of that.

He worries a lot about the wear and tear on his car, but with our combined incomes we could buy a new car every few years if we needed to. He really just has to get 5 years out of his. I will easily get 10 out of mine because I don't drive that much. If we moved up there, he still would not see us during his work week, but the kiddo and I would just be sitting up there all by ourselves. A lot of big decisions to be made indeed. We'll just have to wait and see.

Well, at least I didn't write about how tired I've been, and how everyday I've come home from work and proceeded to snore very loudly on the couch. Oops, I guess I just did. I will definitely spare the oh my gosh my allergies are going wild bit. But they are. It's awful. I'm so allergic to this state.

Ho hum. I'm off to bed. Maybe I'll have something important and interesting to talk about tomorrow. I can't imagine what would change, but who knows?

I Had A Dream

Bird Whisperer.

I had a dream I was running down the street (that would only happen in dream world) and looking up happily at a blue bird flying about my head. I was following the bird, with my hand raised in the air trying to get the bird to land on my hand. It would swoop down and almost touch my hand, until finally it landed on my hand, and I kept running with the pretty blue bird saying, "I'm a bird whisperer! I'm a bird whisperer!" I woke up laughing. What a wacky dream.

Taking It To The Extreme

Meltdowns.

My father says it all the time, "these days, we take every position to the extreme!" I'm much inclined to agree with him. Perfect example, those who love to spout the "seperation of church and state" non-sense. Come on, librarians wearing crosses, Christmas trees in the town square, visible religious displays on any public property at all, government office clerks being ordered to remove festive decor from their desks, it's just plain ridiculous. Children in public schools no longer have Christmas programs or parties, no more Halloween, or Easter, all have been conveniently renamed to more appropriate secular celebrations like, Fall Harvest, and Winter Celebration.

People act like they are going to die from one whiff of second hand smoke. Now, I understand someone not wanting to smell cigarette smoke in public places, but at least allow businesses the freedom to provide smoking areas for their smoking guests if they choose. Smokers are people too.

Taxes are too high. The good ole gov takes over $1000.00/month just from my husband's paychecks, that does not include what is taken from mine, I don't know what they take, I've stopped looking, it just pisses me off. April 14th has become the great re-distribution of wealth day in this country. Our little family of 3 clings with all our might to middle class, fighting desperately to stay above poverty line. We make just enough, or too much that we pay quite a lot, but the money we're paying we need, but Uncle Sam doesn't think we need it, he thinks someone else needs it more. Has anyone noticed the price of housing?

My husband is busting his balls out there to get our family in better financial standing, but $1000/month of that goes to what? Not to our retirement that's for certain, not to buy a home, or a better education for our child who can barely read. No, it goes to some fat bitch collecting $600/month in food stamps, and waiting for tax time to get her "earned income credit" nevermind that it's someone else's earned income she's getting.

I have friends clinging desperately to middle class that do not have health insurance, but some ILLEGAL immigrant can go in and get immediate financial assistance and health services for FREE. Then, have the audacity to fly a fucking Mexican flag and demand rights at "protests".

Oh yes, let's legalize all of them. That's extreme. I work with a woman from the Ukraine who sends money home to her family suffering there, she's waiting 7 years in hopes that her son and his family can come here. How do you think she feels about illegal immigration?

Don't tell me Mexicans do jobs that Americans won't do. I do not believe that at all. And what happens if we give them amnesty, or legalize them or whatever the idiots in Congress have on the table today? Do you think they will still want the jobs no one else supposedly wants? Hell no. It took me over a year to find a job after hubby left the military. I'm terrified of being unemployed again ever.

Want a positive note here? I know how important it is to be positive. The only plus I see from the immigration boom is that is that they are not bad people, they value family, God, and seem for the most part just want to be left alone. They don't make bad neighbors, at least not from my experience. They share the same types of values give or take a few customs here and there. Mexican families we want, rogue roving bands of Mexican gangs we don't.

Do I have faith our gov will handle all of this well? Oh God no. They're going to screw it all up royally. Their careers will not be lost on this cause, and they will act accordingly.

The other day I watched an expose on Communist China, where a reporter was secretly documenting those living in tents where their homes used to be. Some of the families had lived in the same home for generations, but it was all being torn down so that high rise buildings could be built in their place. It's all for the greater good you see. Sort of reminded me of the land grabs taking place here in our own country thanks to the wisdom of the cronies on the Supreme court, and eminent domain. We're turning into a bunch of pinkos here. Those old bastards should all be fired. I could interpret the constitution better than that. Buh bye property rights.

So, here are the solutions I know of for these problems. Tell the sep of church and state crowd to go stuff a turkey with themselves. (won't happen) Forget about it if you are a smoker, there is no solution coming, prepare for the days that you will not receive health insurance, or be hired for a job if you smoke, I don't think that is too far off. Don't expect any of those heavy taxes on cigarettes to be a benefit to you at all either, I know they said it was to defray health costs associated with smoking, but they've spent the money on something else, and since you're a stupid smoker you don't deserve help anyway. At least it won't be you forever, I see the "we know better than you do" types agitating about fat peeps now. You'll be old news soon.

If you are a middle class type, hang on, help is not on the way. Resign yourself to that fact, and keep paying. Do the best you can with what they let you keep. Think small. And try not to get sick.

As to illegal immigration, about the best idea I've heard is, build a big ass fence. Then, make people wait in line like everybody else. This is not the early 1800's anymore. We've got upwards of 300 million folks here now. We will find somebody to prune our bushes, and clean the rich Hollywood liberal's mansions. Round 'em up and send 'em home. There are many other people in the world that might like a chance to gain citizenship here as well, they also come from downtrodden lands. We should be fair about this right? Wait in line like everybody else.

On eminent domain, I suggest we stop making policies that mimic communist models for a start.

Got any better ideas?

I Now See How It Works

Get This.

There are some who use the negativity thing as a weapon. I've finally seen it in action. The thing that I could not put my finger on that bothered me about all this be positive no matter what stuff has finally become clear to me. Let's face it, when working in close quarters, folks can get on each other's nerves, but being professionals, people must overcome petty differences and work together in a somewhat friendly manner, even if they would never be the sorts to go out after work and have a drink together. I can handle that, it goes back to what I was saying about treating each other with dignity and respect.

I'm still trying to understand just what exactly is expected of me as an employee. I see that in the group we have many different sorts, but we've all been instructed in no uncertain terms that as a group we are to avoid those of the negative bent. For the greater good and morale and all, and maybe even for the children, if we employed them, we have to keep our chins up, and have a happy demeanor.

Now with this new thing, whenever a co-worker says something negative, it is perfectly acceptable to shun them, throw your hands in the air and say, "I don't want this negativity!" It happened to me. I didn't realize that I was being offensively negative the other day, but it was pointed out to me by an obviously morally superior person. There we were on our lunch break, and I had the audacity to say, "I don't know that I really like that particular famous singer, he's sort of weird to me." Boy, had I let the cat out of the bag with that statement. Immediately, a co-worker who was sitting at the same table, said, "I'm getting away from this negativity!" And got up and moved to another table. I swear it happened.

Well, of course I was a bit surprised, but then I thought about it more. How passive aggressive can you get? I can see how this whole negativity thing can be used now. If you're feeling particularly pissy, and feel like taking it out on someone, it's perfectly acceptable to target anyone saying anything that could remotely be construed as negative, and proceed to embarrass them. How satisfying. How superior.

The co-worker did say after it was obvious that I did not find that action or statement the least bit entertaining that it was a joke. Haha, isn't that hilarious? I didn't think so. I've never taken too kindly to jokes like that. Oh and by the way, I was informed that this co-worker actually did like the singer I was referring to, a lot. I wanted to say, well, are you fucking related to him or something because you sure are taking a half hearted little comment very seriously. Whatever.

There you have it.

Don't Get Me Wrong

I Am Happy.

I know the post below this one may sound like I think being positive is a bad thing. Well, I do think too much of anything could be a bad thing, but in general I think being a happy sort is not so wrong. Some people just take it too far, and will accept nothing else. It's an impossible measure by which to judge a person's character which is what some proponents of positive thinking seem to do. We all have bad days, and unhappy thoughts. Some of us have more than others.

It is dishonest at best to pretend that people who acknowledge negative things are somehow flawed, and just unhappy people. I'll never believe it. Ever. As long as shitty things happen, I know that someone somewhere is thinking something negative about it. As long as people are people and step on each other's toes at times, people will get bent out of shape and piss and moan about it. Some people are better at hiding their true feelings about things, I never trust those people. I am much more likely to trust the person who is willing in such an environment to say, "man, this stinks!'' then the one who tries to pretend otherwise.

Sure it is a waste of energy to bitch and complain about things that are small and will not change. It is negative to do so. Find the silver lining or something, but don't try to tell me that I'm somehow a bad person because I don't play along. Sometimes it just feels better to say it, then be done with it. Granted, no one has actually told me specifically that I'm a negative person, however, the idea is that anyone who thinks negative thoughts is. That is the message. I think negative things sometimes, so I am indirectly implicated I suppose. Try as I might, at times I feel as if I might burst if I don't get some things off my chest.

I was much happier when I wasn't being hammered with this be positive crap. Say it once, but must it be a theme at every pep meeting? I guess it wouldn't be a pep meeting if someone wasn't bitching about everyone else being negative, although I'm not even sure who all these negative people are, everyone I work with seems to be fairly happy most of the time, give or take a moment here and there. It's not so intolerable, or at least that is what I thought until it was pointed out over and over again, that no, people are not happy. Oh, I see.

How about hammering in the idea that people treat each other with dignity and respect. That might help.

Welcome To The Happy Thoughts Re-education Training Camp, Leave Your Personality At the Door

Smile.

Welcome. We know what you are thinking, and it's not happy, in fact, it's not positive at all, and such thoughts will not be tolerated here. We don't like people who don't think happy thoughts, we don't like people who complain, speak their minds, or any other such negative things. There are more of us than you, accept our ways or leave.

We are not going to tell you if we think you are one of the negative ones, the ones who can't be happy. We will just sit and let you stew with that thought, that way, you will try harder to hide your negative energy, and we won't have to hear you complain. How many of you are sitting there now wondering, am I the person? Am I the one? Do I say negative things? I know I've said negative things, they must know about my secret thoughts, it must show on my face.

They talk about the negative people, the undesirable ones all the time, but they never say who they are, or how they know. They must suspect someone of this awful behavior, maybe me. Maybe so and so, or someone. Who knows, maybe all of us.

Give up your negativity, you are flawed, you are the one who is wrong, unlikeable, and not wanted here. Give up now you will not be tolerated.

I Don't Know What's Come Over Me

I Just Don't Care.

The question most in my mind as I sat down here at the computer was, should I blog or paint my toes? Both are equally amusing, and both are pretty much meaningless to most other people. I checked my favorite sites hoping to find something to muse over, lots of good stuff, just nothing being said that I felt an overwhelming desire to contribute to.

I thought to myself as I continued to contemplate the question, what's wrong with me? Have I gone soft? Don't I care enough about anything to write about something? What about illegal immigration? Or, Ward Churchill getting his butt handed to him by Hannity last night on Fox? Yet, nothing. And, I'll tell you why, I'll always tell you why, I've become a chicken turd.

Complete and total chicken turd that's me. I'm afraid to say what I really think, and I do think about these things. Now you may ask yourself, what kind of fool has a blog that is afraid to say anything on it? Me, that's who.

What if my employer got ahold of this blog? Am I willing to lose my job for my ideals? I work in corporate America, in a very PC environment. We're all wound tighter than corks around there, I can't share the types of views I hold at my work place. I can't say what I think at all, unless it is to agree with the ruling thought of the management team. That is, if I want to remain in any sort of good favor around there.

At my core, I know this is wrong. I know it is dangerous. That people can't say what they think without whispering amongst themselves seems a frightening condition to be in. Sure it's not China, or Saudi Arabia, or North Korea, we do still have the means to express our views, to say things that are unpopular, but the cost of such is rising. The risks becoming more significant. Perhaps I suffer from paranoia, and have perceived something that is not there.

In that case I should have just painted my toes. I've just wasted a good half hour of boob tube watching. Shut up and watch the tube. Let someone else tell you what to think.