Ordinary People

See Past All The Hoopla.

When I was very young I heard people use racist language. I was even related to some of them. As I grew older and began the process of thinking for myself I learned this was wrong, and decided I did not want to be that kind of person. I decided at some point without even realizing it, to deal with people as individuals, and judge them based on their actions. That is who I am. I've always been this way.

With the nappy headed ho's scandal, my husband and I have talked a lot about the reactions that some people have had. We both seem to believe that people have generally over reacted to the thing, although we think it was a stupid thing for him to say. My dad always says, "these days everything is taken to the extreme position." I believe he is correct, there are countless examples of this every single day on the news.

When my husband and I decided to announce to the world that we were going to get married, his parents sat us down and said, "Do you really think you know what you are getting into as a mixed couple?" We assured them we did, and were ready to deal with whatever came our way. We were young, and believed that race relations would only get better over time. Plus we came from a community that was very well integrated racially, and neither of us had known much racism.

That was 13 years ago. We have only run into a small number of situations where anyone had the nerve to express disapproval of our bond. I used to believe that racism was practically non-existent. I really did. As I said, I saw people change their ways, and turn away from those ideas as a child, I assumed this was a widespread phenomena, and I think it was for the most part.

After the Imus thing, my husband told me that his boss expressed anger over the situation and the reactions to it. He said, black people say all sorts of racist things, but if a white person says anything they are attacked over and over. His boss even used the N-word. My husband was somewhat put off by that, which was a bit extreme of his boss. He said it to illustrate his point, but it was lost on my husband.

Look, it may be a double standard, but it generally alarms black people when whites say that word. I recommend not doing it, even if trying to illustrate a point. Early on in our marriage, my husband sometimes used the word when hanging out with his friends. I asked him not to. I told him it made me uncomfortable, and that I didn't want our child growing up talking that way. He agreed and doesn't use it.

I have watched my husband let racism roll off his back. I'm afraid to say that there have been occasions where he has been called that word by total strangers. I wish it weren't true, but it is. I also wish that there were not times where I was treated harshly because of my race, but I have. I actually had a woman tell me she hated me for being married to a black man, she was a black woman. She told me that once she got to know me, she decided that I was too sweet to hate.

I believe the vast majority of whites do not use that racist language. I also believe the majority of whites are not bigots who hate people based on their race. Unfortunately it is not these ordinary people who get the press. As a result of the press presenting everything that happens as white racism gone mad the resentments grow on all sides.

Sometimes I ponder what will happen if the extremists get a hold on the ordinary people. What if people start acting out on all of these resentments. We see cases of this now. What if things get worse instead of better? Where will that leave our little family in all of it? My husband and I have discussed this, we know how far we can be pushed. We won't let anyone tear us apart, we know where we stand.