Out of the Dumps

Into The Light.

All right. I feel much better than yesterday. Sometimes I have to let it out. I was alone with no one to talk to with a lot of serious stuff on my mind and the blog was the place I went to talk it out. Every once in a while her problems seem so big, too much for me to handle.

My brother came by yesterday afternoon and I was wrought with anguish and worry. He asked what matter was bringing me down, and I said, "I'm just worried about a lot of stuff right now." He asked, "Is it something that you can hand over to God and let Him take care of?" And I knew that is what I had to do. I said, "I've given it to God, but sometimes I still worry about it." He said, "You can't give it to God, then keep taking it back!" How right could he be?

I knew part of my worries were that I had been to the school that morning and had a less than friendly discussion with the Principal about having my daughter work with a speech pathologist after school. I was upset that she could not receive those services during school hours, but it is just not possible at this time. She is already going to tutoring after school 4 days a week, and the speech would make it 5 long days a week for her, and me as well. She doesn't even have speech problems, but the pathologist will work on other things dealing with language processing which would be very helpful to her.

I realized that I had taken some of my frustrations out on the Principal, and I felt like a jerk. I called him and apologized to his voicemail. It was the least I could do. I know a lot of people hate the public schools, and think they are crap, but there are a lot of people who do actually care about what they are doing in the schools. I too wish the schools were better, and I get frustrated with them as well. I have thought maybe I need to take her out and homeschool her, but being honest with myself, I know I don't have the fortitude to handle that. I don't think I could do it better than the school, I'm just not creatively inclined that way.

I can't afford the schools that have the staff that is able to work one on one with kids like her. She likes the school she is in now. She is feeling really good about the work she is doing. She tells me just about every day about the successes she is having. I think she is where she needs to be right now. The answers come little by little. I never know if we are making the right decisions. I know what we have the means to do, and what our options are, that's it. The rest I have to surrender to God.

I know this, that girl is strong. I believe she is going to be all right. People adore her. Everyone I know is pulling for her, and believes in her. She may not be the best reader, but she can read, and she can get better. She's just not going to get there as fast as everyone else. She's got a ton of talents, and I'm sure she has the smarts to make them work for her. She's got her grandparents, her dad, her aunts and uncles, cousins, friends and I all on her side, all there to help.