Keeping On

The Drought.

Major dry spell for me lately. It has actually been going on for quite some time, I just keep putting stuff up so that I can hopefully get over the hump and find the words to say things again. That is how we get to the point where all I post about is the minor details of my daily life which I don't think is all that interesting to anyone at all.

My class is almost over so I'll have a little break until school starts again next year. I'm planning on taking more classes next time. I'm debating whether to take 3 or 4 classes. I don't want to get in over my head, but I would like to be finished or near finished before the start of the next decade. The next decade people! Goodness. That seems so far away, yet just around the corner.

I feel pretty driven right now about school, and I don't want to lose that momentum. At the same time I realize I have other commitments and responsibilities I must take care of. My work seems quite cooperative with me about things which makes me feel extremely happy about my job. I've been really happy at work lately, we've been having a lot of good laughs, it has been good. Like most things it is what you make of it. I could easily dig up some junk to complain about, but I have decided that I am not going to focus on the negative.

The good things are, I love my co-workers, I'm treated nicely, and with respect by my bosses. I make decent amount of money for the hours I work, so all in all I have nothing to complain about. This job is going to help me get through school. I don't have to leave the place I'm working either, I could just transfer at some point. I'm just thankful for things the way they are.

My husband has been very supportive of me going to school. I just have to decide what classes to take next semester. I have those dark moments where I doubt myself, and wonder, am I wasting time and money going to school at this point in my life. Maybe I should just throw myself into my work and try to move up, but going back to college was something I've wanted to do for years now, and I'm going to do it without regard to what reward may or may not come with that effort. Besides the only promotion that I could get at my job now would be into management, and I don't think that's how I want to spend my days at work.

I just need to hang in there and not ask "why?" so much. The "why" will get you in trouble sometimes. I don't know why, I just want to. Is that good enough? I've laid my arguments out, I've reasoned through them. I've tried to make a decision based on that. I've tried not to predict the future, only the possibilities. There is a good possibility my body won't last another 10 years at the level of use I'm currently at, nor do I wish to continue on indefinetly using it in this manner.

Throwing my back out this summer was enough to jump start me into action. I don't want to keep relying on it this way. I've got brains too, it is time to use them more. That's my goal. Anyway, we will see what comes of it all.