I Loathe Them.
When I was younger, I liked group things. As I've grown in adulthood I avoid group activities whenever at all possible. I can't stand group things. There is always a group of people at work who do things together after work, these things mostly involve alcohol and are often the topic of discussion the next day at work. Everyone laughs and tells inside jokes, it's all fun.
These same groupie people will often put up invites for anyone to come and join the fun. The same people always go. I never do. I must sound like I'm not that fun to be around. In truth, if getting drunk and kissing someone else's wife is what it takes for me to be considered fun, then I am decidedly not a fun person. I don't drink alcohol in large doses, I don't like being the butt of a prank or joke, and I would rather spend time with my family at home.
It is not just the gross alcohol consumption that keeps me away. There are barbeques, movie nights, and so on that I also decline as gracefully as possible. There is just one reason for this, I hate groups. I distrust groups. I've seen how a group can target people and ostracize them. I have been the recipient of such.
When I started my job I was part of a large group of people who were hired at the same time. I am the last woman standing from the group. All of them have left to other things. I miss not one of them. A couple of girls, I won't call them women they behaved too much like teen age girls, took a pretty instant dislike to me for whatever reason. One was particularly brutal, and hateful towards me insulting me whenever the opportunity presented itself.
It was a particularly difficult time for me. I had been away from my field for a while, and was struggling to perform at the best of my ability. I was feeling quite insecure, I was not confident in myself at all, and it showed. This vulture sensed my weakness and picked at my eyeballs every chance she got. As I grew tired of her treatment, I decided to take it to management, I figured I was not the only person feeling that way, and that she had no right to make the work environment so unpleasant.
They dealt with her after that. She knocked the crap off, and I got on with my work in peace. Of course her little friends had to make their comments here and there, but I found that if I looked them straight in the eye and said, "What did you just say?" They were reluctant to repeat themselves. Eventually it all passed, and they left. I was glad to see them go. They eventually turned on each other as it was, and the group split right in half. It turned out to be the boys against girls. None of it affected me, I wasn't part of the group anyway.
I carried on and forged relationships with people on my own. I much prefer to deal with people on an individual level. I have friendly relationships with many of the people I work with. I don't socialize with any of them outside of work. Every once in a while I talk to one of them on the phone, but for the most part I go to work, have a decent time, then go home. I prefer it this way.
Every year our boss has a BBQ at her house, I actually told her the truth, that I probably wouldn't come because I hate group activities. She was very understanding, and said that it was perfectly fine with her. There are plenty of people who will go, who love that stuff.
The last time I went to a group dinner with co-workers was when we were overseas. One of the women I worked with was going away, so there was a dinner at one of the restaurants off base for her. My co-worker/good friend talked me into going to this thing. I ended up walking out, and dragging her along with me. The husband of the woman who was going away and his friend were really drunk and sitting across from my friend and I. They said some very cruel things about the two of us, I guess they thought in their inebriated states that we could not hear them. I did hear them.
I told my friend, I'm leaving, are you coming? She wanted to know why, I said I will tell you later. She was Japanese and I knew it would take some time to explain to her what they were saying. She didn't ask anymore questions, I guess she trusted I would not rudely leave without a good reason. Before we left, I walked around the table and leaned over and said to the husbands of my co-workers, "You two are a couple of assholes!" I said it as loudly as I could possibly say it, hoping to embarrass them. Then we left.
Outside, I explained to her what these two knuckleheads were saying, believe me it was nasty, I'll just say it involved lesbianism, and it was most disrespectful. I think if my husband were there he would have smashed that guy's face with his boot. My friend's husband upon hearing the story was very glad that I did what I did. Marines know you just don't talk about people's wives like that. These guys were Air Force, maybe there are different standards. In any event, no man with any decent upbringing would talk like that at such an occasion.
The fall out at work on Monday was pretty dreadful, I had a hard time dealing with either of them after that. Both women came to apologize, I told them something akin to "your husband is a complete jerk, needs to grow up, and lacks proper home training, but I accept your apology. Let's just move on." That was as graceful as I could be about it. It wasn't their fault, but I wanted them to know so they could relay that message to their husbands.
Everyone moved on. I came away knowing that those sorts of events are just not for me. I still avoid group gatherings of other than family and/or friends if at all possible. Life is too short.
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