Ever Run Into Your First Love?

Gawd Is That Awkward Or What?

Well technically, I didn't run into my first love, that would be the boy I had the most devastating crush on in 6th grade, his name was, I'm not making this up, Tommy. He was the most adorable little brown eyed boy with the cutest curly brown locks. Not a single one of my childhood friends has forgotten that crush. I actually thought at some point he was going to fall madly in love with me, that we were going to be married and have babies together.

When he spoke to me, my stomach did a flip, and then a flop. My toes would tingle when he was around. I wrote his name over and over, did certain tests that only 12 year old girls know how to do, that would cement our destiny. Today that would be called stalking, but I guarantee you it was nothing more than a healthy admiration for a really cute boy. He barely knew I existed, so it's not like it really bothered him at all. He moved away in Jr. High, and I hardly noticed. There were many other boys for me to secretly like by then.

Anyway, the other day I ran into my first love, not Tommy, but my first real boyfriend. We dated for 2 years in high school, and I did love him, but it was high school, and that sort of thing was too deep and heavy for me at that age. We ended up breaking up, and he moved on rather quickly, which was very painful to me at the time--I don't know why--he ended up marrying the new girlfriend, and they have been together ever since. Good for them. He was a good guy, I have never wished him any ill will.

On the other hand, I dated a few frogs until I met my prince and married at the age of 23. We had a child pretty much right away, and have been together ever since, minus a few bumps in the road along the way. We're coming up on 12 years, and we're still very much in love.

Over the years I can count on one hand the number of times I've actually seen my first love, and it's always a very awkward encounter. Until the other day, my husband had never seen or met him. It was really no big deal. Ancient history as they say.

Strangely enough I've known my husband's first love since grade school. We all went to the same schools together. I always liked her, she was a nice girl I thought. The oddest thing was, we hadn't seen her in years either, and ran into her in the most unlikely of places--the other side of the world. Yep, she and her husband were stationed overseas in the same place we were. When people proclaim, "it's a small world!" I believe them.

I was okay with the thing. In my mind I thought, so what if they were each other's first loves, it's ancient history. I now understand my husband's discomfort with the thing. We did try to be adults and became friends with them again. I thought it was really nice and fun at first. However, I did not realize that she might have other motives. I could be wrong of course, but some of the things she said to my husband when they were alone suggest that was not the case. She was very interested in spending time with him--alone.

Eventually, her husband got orders and they moved. I decided not to confront her, and to just say good bye and leave things be. I knew it was highly unlikely we would all be in the same place again. By the way, I was wrong about that, we've all ended up here in our hometown. I see them all the time, but I don't speak to them. The last contact I had with her was an email where she asked me why I had not called her since I came home. As if the hussy didn't know. I gave her a reply that I would call when I got my life straight, which in her case, will actually be never. I don't plan on opening that door again. I was trusting and open before, she wanted my husband to take her out to lunch, and call her and talk to her. Umm, no, some things you just don't do.

But this isn't about her. This is about him. Running into him after all of these years with my family. And guess what? We didn't speak. Oh, we ran into him at the bowling alley. It was a really small one, so wherever we were I could see him. It was strange, and awkward. It was like we pretended we did not know each other at all. I don't know why we did that. I made eye contact with him and smiled, and he looked away. I don't know why. I had seen him only a few weeks ago at the grocery store and he was very talkative with me. I guess he didn't think he would see me again. Hey, I certainly didn't plan to see him either.

And that was it. I told my husband he was there, discreetly pointed him out, and my husband just sort of shrugged it off. I was a nervous wreck inside. I don't know why I felt that way. I think it was just awkward. Part of me thinks that there is a lot of unresolved junk there, and it only rises to the surface when we run into each other. We have never gone out of our way to see each other in all these years. A lot of stuff was left unsaid there. I just can't explain it.

Blah blah blah, I'm being such a chick about this. Anyway, I still wish nothing but good for him in his life. I don't really have bad feelings towards him, but I know we can't really be friends either. I tried that with hubby's first, it just doesn't work.