This Crazy Thing

I Have It.

I did something that might just have me branded a nut by many standards. A few months ago, I quit my job and am now attending college full-time. It's something I have wanted to do for many years now, and there just came a point where it seemed possible.

So, I'm that student. You know, the one who always has their homework done, the type who speaks with the instructor as if we are somehow on equal footing, the kind that asks questions in class, and will even contribute to discussion. Yeah, the annoying older student that I remember just couldn't seem to fail when I was that sleepy eyed kid years ago.

Well, I don't remember things like I did when I was 18, I've noticed that for sure. However, in some subjects, the second time around seems much easier. I listen better, study longer, and take the whole thing so much more seriously than I did when I was young. However, I doubt myself constantly, and wonder what type of fool I am to go back to school at my age.

The instructors, it seems, have a love/hate relationship with non-traditional students. They seem to love that many of us require little guidance, that we do the work, and are present for class. They seem to hate that we don't shut up, that we don't slurp up their opinions like spaghetti, and that their classes are merely speed bumps for many of us.

I try not to talk too much, ask too many questions, or contribute to discussion too much. I try not to come across as a know-it-all, or to confront or disrespect the instructor even if they deserve it. I do understand that this information is new to some people, and avoid making an ass out of myself whenever possible. The way I see it is, I had my turn when I was young to be naive, clueless, and immature, and I mean no insult by that. In some ways, that is the audience the instructors are trying to reach, not the old fart know-it-alls that never shut up. They focus on the kids, and that's where it should be.

Oh I've got plenty to learn don't get me wrong, I just have to remind myself of that now and then. A couple of my classes have been quite humbling. Going back to school at just shy of 40 is humbling in itself, and my doubts, they don't ever go away. The discussion in my head is a constant battle of reassuring myself that I can do this, that it's not a fools errand, and that everything is going to work out swell. I can say this, I've experienced more happiness in each and every day of going to school, than I did doing the job I had. So, there is that, even if I'm still sort of crazy for doing this.

What's even more silly of me, posting that I was going to post, and then not doing it. I don't know when I thought I was going to post anything besides in the middle of the night when I should be sleeping. I hope none of my instructors find my blog. My English teacher calls them "those dreadful blog things".