I Am Kind Of Freaking Out Here

What Else Is New?

All right, I bought the curriculum for my daughter today. I am sort of freaking out. I don't want her to know it, and I think I am doing a good job of hiding it. She won't read my blog, none of my family read it, they already know me, and I am boring enough in real life let alone having to read about it. Anyway, I am experiencing a fair amount of anxiety. It is becoming real.

Oh yes, I know I have been talking about it, but now it is actually happening, it is getting closer, and I just want to cry. Really. Cry. I am so afraid. I don't want to fail her. I can't fail her. I am praying for guidance and strength.

What has really got me now is that I start school very soon myself. I'm getting really freaked out. I am thinking about dropping everything right now because I am scared I will not have enough time to handle everything.

I am freaking out. I am having an enormous amount of doubt about my decision to go back to school. Sure, I know I can only benefit from getting that degree, but I am now asking myself at what cost? Maybe I am just not ready. Maybe I need more time to work with her. Goodness I don't know what to do. I tell myself, just keep going. Just keep doing everything you have to do and it will all work out. Don't think about it, just do it, but I am thinking about it, and I'm second, triple, and quadruple guessing my decisions.

She needs me now. Her needs are more important than my wants. I need to give her 100%. I don't know what to do. Sometimes I think too big, sometimes I am just not as capable as I would like to be. This is not just my life to live.

Maybe I will just take one class. At this rate I will finish right before I hit retirement age.

Sleep. I need sleep. I can't make a decision right now. Be back later.