Words Don't Work

But I Will Try.

I've started this post over about 3 times now. It just kept sounding corny and cliche. I am forced to admit that I lack the words to describe the love I feel for my husband. It seems impossible to write about. Every time I start I think, ugh, that sounds dumb, that sounds silly, that sounds too private.

What can I say after all of that? I don't know. I guess just simply, I'm glad I married the man I did. I'm glad we had a beautiful child together. I'm excited about our future together. I am an individual as is he, but together we make one.

If this ship goes down, we go down together. We're the young version of the old couple holding each other in the bed as the Titanic went down. As we have endured the various sucker punches that life sometimes offers up, we have shared the bruises, we have overcome the obstacles together.

Just as he tucks his feet under mine for warmth on cold winter nights, so do I turn to him for his strength when I am feeling worn. When I have gone and screwed everything up, he is there to say, "Don't worry." When he is tired on his long journey home, I am there on the phone talking to him for hours to keep him company. He can't wait to get home, I can't wait to see him arrive.
When I get stressed out and cry, he stands next to me and rubs my back, and says, "What's wrong?" He listens when I tell him. He offers solutions. He defends me, even if he thinks I'm overreacting, or that I'm just flat out wrong. He'll say, "You're my wife, I can't believe you are letting people treat you like that." He is saying, no one will mistreat what is mine. I like being his.

He doesn't make any big decision without asking, "How is this going to affect my family?" I have always admired this about him. There is no greater force to be reckoned with than a man serving his family. He defers to my opinion, he respects my insight on things.

The man loves my cooking, or he is smart enough not to say otherwise. Sometimes he makes fun of the stuff I make, but he always eats it, and then he goes back for seconds and says, "That was really good, you put that together very well, I could eat that again."

It wasn't always so easy. Neither one of us has changed much since we got married. We've matured more, we've learned to really put our trust in each other and not just give lip service to the idea, but we are basically the same people with the same likes and dislikes we've always had. The big difference now is we have found a way to put all of those mix matched puzzle pieces together and come out with one coherent image.

It saddens me when people divorce for reasons like, "We just can't get along." I always try to encourage them to work it out if they ask for my opinion, and sometimes even if they don't. If it is a case of abuse, or adultery then I don't try so hard, but if it is just disagreements, those can be overcome. Anyone who has known us over the 13 years of our marriage knows we have had plenty of disagreements.

People who have had the misfortune of being present when we have a fight are always amazed at how vicious we can be with each other. We get downright mean. Sometimes a houseplant or two might get hurled across the room. Haha I'm laughing really hard as I write this, but it is true. We don't strike out at each other, just the houseplants.

Once my niece was staying over and she woke up to us fighting. She said, "Are you guys going to get divorced? I can't imagine you guys not together." I said, "Oh hell no, we're just having a fight, we do that, but we love each other."

He used to stay mad for a long time. It drove me nuts. Finally I had to tell him I can't stand it when he stays mad so long. He must get over it. I can't stay mad at him, even if I tried, and believe me I have. He doesn't do that anymore. After it is all over, and some time has passed, I usually walk up to him and kiss him and say, "I love you dickhead." He used to tell me to leave him alone, but now he usually laughs and then we talk.

After we got over the psychological idea of the perfect relationship that permeates society, we realized that yes indeed people do fight, it does get ugly, and there is no pretty way to do it. Sometimes you just have to cuss someone out. Get over it. Stop psycho analyzing your mate, and be surprised at how much things improve.

That's all I've got.