Manners Can Make Or Break You

Good Morning.

Manners, or lack of them can ruin a friendship. It happened to me. Now I don't claim to be any sort of authority on this subject, but I certainly know when I've been put off by bad manners, sure at some point my lack of manners has bothered someone else. This former co-worker of mine left for greener pastures, she moved to another town in our state. We kept in touch calling each other every so often. We were sort of friends. She called me one day very excited that she had just got married. I congratulated her, and told her to text me her address that I would send a gift card.

She never sent the address, but one day calls me and says, "you still haven't sent my wedding gift, and we don't want a gift card, we want money instead, here is my address, now get that in the mail to me." My thought, "umm, yeah, that will happen never." You see I was very put off by her demand of a gift, and not just any gift, she wanted money. I'm surprised that she did not demand a specified amount, and frankly I have no idea what the appropriate amount would be, we're not that good of friends, just former associates really.

It was at that point that I decided I don't need "friends" like that anyway, and decided to forget she existed at all. Life is short, when they say you can count the good friends of a lifetime on one hand, I believe that saying to be true. At this point in time in my life, I am much better at weeding the garden, and I don't have a lot of time for people who are of the weed category. Yet, she has called me several more times only to be conveniently redirected to voicemail. The first call she told me that I was sooooo rude because I had not sent her wedding gift. I laughed about that one, and let my family listen to it.

I kept ignoring her calls and she called to tell my voicemail that I was rude because I did not return her calls. When that approach did not work, she started being nicer and would call and say, "It's been a long time since we talked, you must be very busy, or you don't want to talk to me." Bingo! Someone has got a clue.

Now sure, I could just call her and say, "well, you are rude, and I have no desire for anymore interaction with you." But, she seems fairly confrontational about the fact that I did not send the money she required as a gift from me, so I don't think I want to go there. I have a feeling she is just hoping to get me on the phone so she can dump some junk on me, and feel better. I don't have to deal with that confrontation, and I choose not to. At most I will text her and tell her to have a nice life. As I said, we were never that close of friends. We never associated outside of work, or in any real social manner at all.

Anyway, I've discovered the art of not returning a phone call, and it feels good. At some point she was bordering on stalker, but in time, I guess she will realize I'm not going to be sucked in. I guess I am rude for not returning her calls. Two wrongs don't make a right, but in this case, I can live with my own bad manners. I generally don't treat people like this, but when red flags start popping up all over the place, I try not to ignore them.

This is just one example of how important good manners are in our interactions with other people. To demand a gift from someone was something I was taught was bad manners. To specify which gift unless otherwise asked was outside of the realm of politeness. With family and close friends, things can be a bit more relaxed, but in my experience it was never acceptable to demand a gift from anyone.

Sometimes we have to ask for things from others in life. It is a hard fact to face. It is not easy to do. I've never been comfortable in asking things of others. It goes back to not wanting to put people out. I hate to impose on people. Granted we are in this thing together, and sometimes we have to lean on others. There is definitely a line that can be crossed do you need it, or just want it. Perhaps she needed money, but we are not close enough for her to ask that of me.

I don't know if I will let her off the hook, or just let her think she dumped me. I haven't decided how to handle this situation other than ignore it up until now. She called last night and left a message while I was in class. I wouldn't have taken the call anyway, but maybe I should let her off the hook and tell her to bug off or something. She obviously does not get why I am put off by her, if she did then she wouldn't keep calling me and telling me how rude I am for this and that.