Did You Have a Merry Christmas?

Ours Was Good.

This time of year when many people are taking more time off, are trying to get out of the office a little earlier, and are taking trips away from home to visit with loved ones, I am usually doing just the opposite, I am working more, I am spending less time at home, and there is no way I could get time off to go anywhere. Luckily most everyone is right here close by so that really helps. It is this time of year when try as I might, I have to fight really hard not to get too moody and blue. The truth is, getting Christmas off where I work is not an easy task, and so for the last 3 years in a row, I have worked that day.

I would be lying if I did not say this bothered me quite a lot. It does. In fact, it has completely affected the way my family, and I celebrate the holidays. I usually don't get any of the major 3 holidays off, that means no Thanksgiving, no Christmas Eve, or day, and no New Year's Eve, or day. This year I got Thanksgiving off, it was nice, but it went too fast, and we were all a bit more reserved as we are still feeling grief over losing my uncle such a short time ago.

As Christmas approached, I found myself feeling more and more resentful about working the day. I rationalized with myself, went over all of the arguments as to why I must not let it get to me. I reasoned that it is just a date, the spirit of things is what really matters. I told myself, I must do this, it is part of my job, and I like my job the rest of the year, so overall it is worth it. I convinced myself that we could do things a little before, or a little after, and that it will be just fine. All of those reasoned arguments meant nothing because I honestly resented the fact that I have to work the holidays.

I resented other's getting the holidays off to spend with their friends and families drinking eggnog and eating homemade breads and cookies while listening to Christmas carols, and laughing together while reliving old memories, and seeing the lights and the magic of Christmas reflected in the children's eyes. I missed that our little family did not all get up together on Christmas morning and sit in the living room in our pajamas while our daughter opened up her bounty of gifts, and then head over to my parent's house to spend the rest of the day.

I truly felt bad that I did not get a lot of Christmas shopping done, and was not able to get all of the gifts on my list because I just ran out of time, and/or money before the day rolled around. It was quite upsetting to me that I didn't get around to doing any baking, or making special things to eat without guilt this time of year.

The sad reality is, I spent most of this holiday season feeling shafted, annoyed, and disappointed. I know that is not how it is supposed to be. After feeling like that when the day actually rolled around, I was no longer upset about it, I just didn't care anymore. I had already given our daughter all of her gifts. Everything was done, all that was left was for me to go to work, and by that time, I went and it was like any other day, in fact, I even quite enjoyed working that day because everyone I worked with was extra special nice, and we all brought in little goodies to share so it was good.

The really ironic thing was, I got into it with my manager the day before Christmas Eve because they extended my schedule, and I went into her office and said, "Hey, I'm working Christmas Eve, and day, I don't think it is fair to extend my time here even more than that, isn't there any other way to do this?" We actually had plans to meet people for dinner right after I got off work, so I was a bit put out. Well, she snapped back at me, and we didn't have a pleasant exchange. I am usually not so outspoken with management, but I was really feeling emotional about it all. Later that night I felt bad for approaching her that way, and decided I would apologize.

The next day I went to her office and said, "I am really sorry for snapping at you, it is just this time of year, and working the holidays, and honestly, if you had just asked and said, "We really need you to do this for us," and shown some empathy about it, I would not have been so upset. She apologized for coming across as cold, and admitted to me that she has developed a tough skin because she has to hear it all the time about people working on the holidays, and that she wanted to be home with her family too. We had a good talk about it all, and I realized I was being a big baby about it all. I admitted that I had not really put myself in her shoes, and was only thinking of myself, and suddenly after that, I felt so much better about working that day.

It turns out business was going to be slower than projected on Christmas day, so on Christmas eve she said she was going to take volunteers of people to work on Christmas day first, and then she would decide who would get to be off out of who didn't volunteer to work. Believe it or not, after all of my fussing, and complaining, I went ahead and volunteered to work afterall. I realized that I didn't have any plans on Christmas day anyway because we had already given our daughter her gifts, and we would most likely just go over to my parent's house and eat when I got off work as originally planned.

And you know, I felt strangely good about doing that. One of my co-workers is a single mom with two children under 4, and she really wanted to be home with them, she was so excited that she was going to be off afterall, she said she wasn't going to tell anyone, but just surprise them when she didn't go to work. There were others who I am sure were extremely grateful that they got that call on Christmas Eve telling them they were off the next day.

So, all in all, it worked out fine. We ate with my parents when I got off, and it was a good day, and I think I have finally overcome that hurdle of resentment about working the holidays, which is a good thing because it is part of my job, and I have to accept it. Christmas is a happy and joyous time, that's what it should be about. I think it is hard for some people to put on a happy face and act festive when they don't truly feel that, and there are many reasons they might not. I've been a grinch the past few years because I couldn't do things my way, but I am hoping I have truly let all of that go. I know how to do it now I think.

Anyway, hope you had a good one, and had many reasons to be Merry. Let's all have a Happy New Year, huh?