In The Midst Of My Meltdown

Must Make Time For Blogging.

All right. I do that a lot, start posts with "all right" that is. It's my way of saying, "listen up people, for once I've got something to say, and it might be good." Even if most likely it really isn't good, it is just me hoping, or possibly a desperate cry for attention. My friend has a saying for when we, she or someone does something bad, "Going to hell in gasoline drawers," she'll say, and I always promise myself that someday I will work that statement into an everyday conversation, but I forget to do it besides I probably wouldn't say it right anyway.

Well lately I've been running around in a pair of gas soaked panties feeling like I am going to burn for my nasty mood and demeanor. Cranky? Yes. Bitchy? Certainly. Hormonal? What's it to you punk? Yeah. I've been mean. Meaner than usual? Check. I don't know why. Women hate it when people say, "are we hormonal?" Yet, that's the first thing we say when we are, and we know we have been bad. Men hate to hear it, they think it is just an excuse to be bitchy.

Well it isn't. I genuinely feel out of sorts when my hormones get out of whack, and I most definitely cannot be trusted with any decisions of importance. I cannot be trusted. I will make a choice that is based purely on emotion, anger, all around meanness or just to spite whoever has made the foolish mistake of crossing my path sideways. At times like these I am prone to angry ranting all while I stifle back tears. At times like these I can defend myself with a verbal ferocity that makes grown men cry for momma. And then I want to cry, and I think everyone is mad at me, and hates me, Lord, am I bi-polar?

That's the kind of day I had. It started off beautiful and full of laughter, and it ended with yelling and bitterness. No, I didn't yell at poor hubby, I love him. I basically directed it at someone who pissed me off, and he yelled too but eventually we hugged and made up. I had a legitimate beef, but I do feel my emotions got the better of me even though I am pretty sure my husband would say I handled it well. For some reason he really gets a kick out of me ripping someone a new one when they need it.

I'm exhausted. Will be back soon when the meanness subsides a bit. Tomorrow maybe.