I Was Not Being Passive Aggressive

Reflections On Christmas Past.

Tonight my friend, since third grade, told me she thought my post about staying home on Christmas was directed at her, and she said, "How Passive-Aggressive can you get?" I had no idea what she meant, but she said that I wrote that post to send a message to her since she went out for dinner on Christmas. No, it wasn't directed at her actually, but she did go out on Christmas so I guess I struck a nerve on her.

What I really wanted to convey in that post was the epiphany I had over Christmas this year. As I worked the days leading up to, the day of, and the day after Christmas, I can honestly say it sucked. I had no choice, you know that whole deal, and I would better dollars to donuts many many people working on the holiday had no choice either. But I realized something, I realized as I hugged a co-worker in the hallway who was blinking back tears of her own, celebrating Christmas is deeply ingrained in my psyche, I'm not alone in that. My co-worker was having a "Christmas meltdown" she was feeling as stressed and overwrought as I was about working the whole holiday.

My deep seated desire to celebrate Christmas with my loved ones was conflicting with my need to maintain my good employment status. Sure, many people have to work on Christmas, I'm mature enough to realize that. That doesn't mean they like it. It is times like that, that lead a thinking person to ask, "is all this really necessary? Is someone going to die if we close on Christmas?" The answer to that question is inevitably, no. Yet there I was with the rest of them making the best of it, putting my best foot forward, all that good stuff, and trying to do it as gracefully as possible, while not letting on how extremely upset I was inside.

It was hard. I got cranky. Not only was I sick, and hormonal, we were busy as all get out. I honestly felt like Scrooge. I could barely utter the words Merry Christmas to anyone without clenching my teeth. I just wanted to pretend it wasn't Christmas at all.

I'm glad it is over. I will be starting new classes next month, I am working on a new career, one that won't require me to work on holidays, or weekends. I feel a huge sense of urgency to get through with school as fast as possible, before it is too late and my child is all grown up. These are precious times, and they are irreplaceable.

She's on Christmas break now, we slept in today. It was so wonderfully nice. I rarely get to sleep in anymore.

So, no I didn't mean to be passive-aggressive, but I did mean what I said. I wish people would be a little more considerate of others that way. I hope that in the future if given the opportunity to think of someone else's situation, I would do the same having been in those shoes myself.

People moan about commercialization, and all of that, which I agree with them completely. I found myself thinking this year, Christmas has become nothing other than a great transfer of wealth day, especially with the gift cards and all. I give you a $50 gift card, you give me a $50 gift card, couldn't we have just skipped the whole process. Next year I'm not buying anyone over the age of 16 a present. I mean it. I'm going to make that clear, and I'm not going to accept any gifts either.

My husband and I don't even buy each other gifts. When we were first married, we never could afford to anyway, it is a tradition we have kept going. We can buy each other whatever we want throughout the year whenever we want. We should just buy for the kids next year. I don't need a gift, I just like the time with family around the table at mom and dad's house, that's the best gift I could get.