What does That Say For The Rest Of The Thing?
Well. Oh shoot this bold thingy is stuck again. I tell you, it can be tricky using the computer. One thing that hasn't been tricky is the class that I'm taking. To date I have aced all 3 of my exams. Not too shabby for a chick who last went to college in the early 90's. I just might actually get through the class and raise the dilapidated and neglected grade point average that I abandoned 13 years ago when this extremely hot, handsome and charming Marine swept me off my feet and made me his kept woman.
The man has been keeping me very well ever since. Hush now, I know you want to hear more about the hot and steamy handsome Marine man I married, but that's not what I'm here to talk about. Just know that although there have been some bumpy times, it pretty much has been a marriage made in heaven. He's not a Marine anymore, but he's still as handsome as ever, I guess some would say once a Marine, always a Marine, but you know what I'm saying don't you?
I better stop, it sounds like I'm bragging. If there is anything I've learned lately is to stop taking things for granted and thinking everything is going just perfectly. Besides nobody likes bragging, including me. I hate it really.
Recently I've been asking, just what exactly has feminism done for me lately? Huh? Answer that one. I mean really, my sister and I sat at the kitchen table last night and tried to come up with the answer to this very important question. Do you feel duped? Do you feel like you have it all? Really, I feel like I've got to work full-time, parent full-time, and do as much housework as women have always done since the dawn of modern appliances. I feel like I'm doing it all, and doing it all half assed.
I'm not the queen of my domain, keeper of the home, maker of the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with the crusts neatly trimmed off. No, I'm the rushing around, putting it off for later, constantly cleaning, doing laundry, working, hair combing, hoping everything comes together just right one. I'm the one who sends extra money so the kiddo can eat breakfast at school because we are too tired to get up that much earlier to make it, besides, I don't have time, I have to get myself ready to go to work so that I can be an equal earner. Is this the part where I'm supposed to be glad that I can go out and work just as hard as a man, and try to raise a child at the same time?
Is it so wrong that I would rather be home with my child? Even though she is already 11 years old, I still see that she needs me as much today as ever. What obligation do men feel in all of this? Men don't feel obliged to support the family alone, they expect their wives to get out there and work just as hard as they do, they have been told over and over that women want to do this, that women will do this. My husband comes home to a messy house, uncooked food, and empty pantry. Who has time for grocery shopping? Noodles again. Oh wait, I've got this jar of spaghetti sauce we can throw it on these egg noodles, sprinkle some parmesean cheese on, voila, dinner is served. He doesn't say it, but I'm sure he remembers that his mother always had a meal on the table, but she was a stay at home mom, I am not a housewife.
Sure, I could just give up this absurd notion of going to school, but I have at most 10 more years in my profession before either my arms fall off or my back gives out. Not to mention I don't fancy the notion of being a 60 year old massage therapist trying to work until retirement. When my body starts hurting, which is quite often these days, I find it more and more difficult to picture myself doing this the rest of my life. I have no idea what working day in and day out in a darkened room will do for my eyes, but the term "mole people" has crossed my mind, although in reality I think it is probably better for my eyes than staring at a computer screen all day.
Leaving my field altogether is something that I am not ready to do yet, but perhaps going to school will help make that feel more comfortable to me. I truly feel at peace with my work. I don't know if I will be able to keep pace and multi-task and do all of those fancy busy things other people do at work, I'm used to quiet, peace, beautiful music, snoring people, the smell of lavender. Oh in due time I suppose, things will balance out.
And that my dears is the great thing about being a citizen of the U.S. of A. We can do something different, we can change careers, go back to school, start over. It is very American to be able to decide at 36 years old, hey, I think I will do something else. Other people in the world do not have that flexibility, you are what you are, and it is a ridiculous notion to think of trying to change that, heck in Japan, if you aren't up to muster in the 9th grade, there is no reason to even go on to high school, let alone college.
Funny I chose a career where I pamper and care for people at work, when what I would have been happy to do was stay home and do the same for my family. In fact, making people feel good is the best part of my job. What I have in mind will be a bit different than what I'm used to, but I'm hoping that by choosing a degree that is in high demand, I may find it easier to get out there even if I'm not a perky 24 year old.
Yeah Yeah Yeah, I've got it all planned now. We'll see. We shall see.
P.S. Don't worry, I'm not going to school for writing, the world has more than enough pontificating "bloviators". Heh.
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