I'm Avoiding Responsibility

There I've Confessed.

It's my Friday, which doesn't really mean a thing because it is nobody else's Friday therefore I still have to do all the other stuff I don't do when it's only my Monday or Tuesday. I could be studying, picking up the house, or watching dish water evaporate, but no, I choose to be here, with you. Because in truth I really do like you.

So while I'm here avoiding doing anything that requires lifting more than a finger on a keyboard I might as well put something down to read. Mr. Conner my cat doesn't really fancy the idea at all, he would rather I pet him and give him some attention. Lately he's been doing this really cute thing where he lays in my arms just like a little baby, and he purrs, oh the purring, it is darn near hypnotic.

I'm sure it is absolutely rivetting to hear all about my cat, but it does give my fingers something to do while I try to retrieve the actual ideas that were swirling around in my head so prominently throughout the week. It has become a real problem for me actually, I have such a difficult time retaining an idea for a convenient time to write about it. I've been struggling with it for a while, my memory that is, and have yet to figure out why I can't hold a thought any longer than say your average houseplant. I've always been very sure and confident about my memory, I can recall things in vivid detail from many many years ago, but I'm at a loss when I try to remember what thought was so clear just yesterday.

It probably doesn't help much to be very preoccupied with a great many other things at the same time. Everything just becomes all jumbled in there. I am doing all right with my class however, which does bring a bit of relief. Although, the last 2 chapters really racked my brains and had me rethinking my plans for world domination, oops, I mean, getting a degree.

I hate that dull fog that comes over my mind sometimes. I've always thought, probably foolishly, that my mind was one of my better assets, which has sometimes led me to think I'm smarter than I actually am. That is a bit disappointing to me, but what is always needed in a situation like that is just a little humbling, and I'm getting that with chapters 7 and 8.

It doesn't help that I've already set it in my mind that anything less than an "A" in my class means I am a complete and total failure. Heh. Just kidding, but I would like to earn an "A" if at all possible. There is this constant conversation playing out in my mind where I question everything and anything I ever planned on doing. This is the part where I start worrying that I worry too much. Imagine that type of burden, worrying about worrying, that's usually when I just throw my hands up in the air and say to hell with it all, I'm a neurotic flake.

Now after all of that, will you believe me if I say, I'm actually pretty happy about my life? I'm all right. Tomorrow is another day, I have God, I have life, I have love, I have family, the rest is just details. So what if I've got the short term memory of a banana peel. I'm going to bed early tonight, I've got a lot of catching up to do, and I think I have a test tomorrow, which means I can't miss class to take my kiddo trick or treating. I'll figure something out.